All Hills look the same

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 1, 2009 07:17:08 June 1, 2009 07:17:08

Viewership for The Hills has been steadily declining. Maybe it’s because they’re full of plastic sh-t. Maybe it’s because they’re all starting to look the same. California girls. Now that Audrina Patridge has lightened her hair, they’re all becoming one giant blonde Hill: long wavy hair, tanned, leggy, dumb. Full Story

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Foxy Wax Face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 1, 2009 07:03:03 June 1, 2009 07:03:03

Remember when Angelina showed up on carpet after carpet this past awards season with a weird waxy face? Guess who borrowed it last night for the Movie Awards? Her imitator. The Poor Man’s Jolie Megan Fox. Give.It.Up. Bathed in grease and fighting Christina Ricci’s forehead with her own, I was hoping Fox’s forehead would eat Miley Cyrus. Full Story

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Twi-hard blue balls

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 1, 2009 06:35:36 June 1, 2009 06:35:36

One year ago, they showed up and Russell Brand cut them off. 12 months later… Needless to say, the MTV voting process isn’t exactly the Academy. Which is why Twi-hards took to the internets furiously to ensure a win for their vampire cheese, in their opinion vastly superior to the Oscar winner Slumdog Millionaire. Full Story

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Bruno upstages LipGloss

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 1, 2009 06:08:55 June 1, 2009 06:08:55

Love him so much. Bruno was supposed to present an award. By the end of it, no one knew which award. Whatever it was it went to LipGloss Zac Efron and his blender legs who had to follow up Bruno’s brilliance and deliver an acceptance speech. Needless to say, he had no thunder. And his pouty panties were all twisted up in knots as a result. Full Story

On Bruno & Eminem

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 1, 2009 05:55:25 June 1, 2009 05:55:25

This is the big debate. Was it real? Or was it staged? I say totally staged. A quick catch up in case you didn’t watch: “Bruno” swept down from the rafters in an angel thong get-up and was lowered ass first onto Eminem’s face. (Eminem passes spell check on Microsoft Word! Skank doesn’t). Full Story

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June 1, 2009 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 1, 2009 05:43:17 June 1, 2009 05:43:17

Congratulations Christine for graduating with your Masters of Divinity and becoming ordained! Love Jennifer and Andrew. To Jenny and Alexandra missing their boyfriends touring with Dean Lickyer for a month and a half. Per your request, here’s some Douchebag, though I don’t know why, to get you through the final stretch. Full Story

Friday, May 29, 2009

Dear Gossips,

Balls! Forgot to GOOP yesterday!

No matter, nothing missed. Just more lotus on the mountain self help zen talk with her famous sage friends. Boo. GOOP should be exclusively about Party Jams, Clothes We Can’t Afford, and Frenemies.

Enough of the recipe making, enough of the Guide to Wise chatter. Because deep down inside, Moms are the judgiest bitches anyway.

As for whether or not Gisele Bundchen will become a Mom – even though Tom said No (scroll down for late posts from last night), everyone in Boston is convinced he’s lying. Everyone in Boston still believes Tom and Gisele are pregnant. She’s so skinny, we’ll know soon enough.

It’s Friday! Exclusive update on Taylor Lautner and Selena Gomez, Jen and Courteney back together, the truth about Pierce saving Uma, and with a mother like Candy, is there any wonder Tori Spelling became a homewrecking, child-exploiting twat?

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. A few months ago the Vancouver DOXA Documentary Film Festival, an arts and culture event in need of support especially in light of all the recent arts funding cuts, gave me a disposal camera and asked me to take it everywhere and click away. Celebrities like Jennifer Beals, Martin Sheen, and Denys Arcand are also participating. The cameras are being auctioned off, film undeveloped, which means no one really knows what’s on there. Mystery! Click here to bid on the cameras. I’m going for Gloria Macarenko’s. She’s my girl crush.

His #1 and my #1

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 29, 2009 17:42:43 May 29, 2009 17:42:43

Natalie Portman tops my husband’s Freebie 5. James Franco is #1 for me. And now the two of them will star in a movie together called Your Highness. In a weird, twisted, imaginary, not at all realistic way, it’s like we brought them together. And if they are together, if they get together (can you imagine?) it would be like we’re together with them. Full Story

Watching…or working?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 29, 2009 13:40:12 May 29, 2009 13:40:12

Hayden Christensen normally looks like a ragamuffin when he goes out in public… Today at the French Open, with fiancee Rachel Bilson, Hayden combed his hair, styled it in a pouf, and put on some clean new clothes. Just watching the matches? Or working? Totally working. He reps Lacoste, non? Are both of them wearing Lacoste? And everyone in their box too? Yes. Full Story

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Don’t screw this up

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 29, 2009 13:10:04 May 29, 2009 13:10:04

What? It’s not like he’s not gaffe-prone. Because as well know, if there’s a way to f-ck something up, Hot Harry on a Horse will figure it out. This time though, this time he must be on his best behaviour. Hot Harry is in New York. He toured several sites today including Ground Zero. Full Story

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Harlow in the spotlight

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 29, 2009 11:44:18 May 29, 2009 11:44:18

Last night on Larry King, Lionel Richie, Nicole Richie… and Harlow made an appearance too. Because Nicole totally isn’t selling a range of accessories and baby clothes and mom clothes. Oh famewhores everywhere. But Harlow looked like she loved the spotlight. She’s really, really, REALLY cute. Full Story