They give her Mercy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 12, 2009 07:11:54 June 12, 2009 07:11:54

After all the shenanigans from earlier this week, Malawian officials have approved Madonna’s adoption, overruling an earlier decision denying her attempt on the grounds that she hadn’t spent enough time in the country. These are the benefits of unlimited resources. Here’s my favourite detail about the announcement: Madge’s lawyer revealed that “It's the early hours in New York now but my client has been awake all night waiting for this”, like staying up for something so significant is such an extraordinary accomplishment. Full Story

A better Benicio

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 12, 2009 07:00:51 June 12, 2009 07:00:51

Last time we saw him – click here – he was decidedly Elvis, the later years. Last night at the AFI tribute to Michael Douglas, MUCH much better. Benicio must be shooting soon. Full Story

June 12, 2009 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 12, 2009 06:49:25 June 12, 2009 06:49:25

Happy Birthday to Stephanie K from … J. Jackson??? To Melissa – Happy 30th Birthday! And the best gift in 2 weeks right? I have no words of wisdom, only to tell you, given that my cousin Cat hasn’t slept in over a month, do as much as you can of it now. Because it’ll be years before you get the chance again! Happy 35th birthday Billy! Remember our deal? I've been waiting more than a decade! Lots of love, Shasta And to Margaret J for all your hard work coordinating the outdoor event yesterday. Full Story

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Dear Gossips,

That foul stench you woke up to this morning comes from Ebola Paris Hilton. It’s single now, no longer dating that useless f-ck Doug Reinhardt. Scroll down for the full article on who it’s hunting now. The most hunted boy in the world is in New York. How long before Ebola spreads itself over to New York?

Part of me actually wants to see it, or at least see it try it, because maybe that’s the only way to get rid of it. There is no Ebola Hilton vaccine. But Ebola Hilton has yet to take on the Twi-hard crazy. Could the Twi-hard crazy finally be the antidote we’ve been looking for? Can the Twi-hard crazy eradicate Ebola’s black hole vagina and her disease?

See? Now you wanna know.

It’s Thursday. Didn’t plan it that way but we’re heavy on the man hotness today. Am blogging until my flight. To Toronto for 2 weeks. My mother is making me host (translation: pay for) a Chinese lady dinner on Friday night. She has already planned my outfit. Can’t wait.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Do you love Johnny Depp?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 12:18:26 June 11, 2009 12:18:26

If you do, you will love him even MORE after this video. Thanks C! It’s from 2 nights ago in Puerto Rico, on his birthday. They surprised him with a cake. And sang for him. And he seems so humbled and touched. And sweet. And appreciative. He doesn’t complain about being “subjected to harassment” like Ryan Reynolds. Full Story

Do you want to touch it?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 11:34:31 June 11, 2009 11:34:31

Finally a good look at Kristen Stewart’s Joan Jett hair. Looks amazing. Really, really suits her. Twi-hards of course are now stabbing themselves, worried that Edward won’t love Bella anymore because she no longer has “pretty girl” hair. Please. These are the same people who think boys wear blue, girls wear pink, and gay ain’t right. Full Story

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GOOPy calls him William

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 11:02:00 June 11, 2009 11:02:00

It’s Thursday. It’s GOOP day! Unfortunately this week’s GOOP is all about recipes. Cookie recipes. Boring. Also unfortunate, for her that is, careless staff. At the bottom of the newsletter that was sent out, you’ll note they’re still waiting for next week’s copy. And this is not the first time. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 10:49:00 June 11, 2009 10:49:00

Does Tom Cruise’s next mission involve Z Quinto and a pornstache? (Dlisted)

New generic blonde replaces old homophobic generic blonde (Hollywood Tuna)

Oh laaaaaa…More of Becks and that long, thick rope! (Just Jared)

Wonder if Lauren Conrad writes better than Stephenie Meyer (Pop Sugar)

Do you think Ciara looks hermy? (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Cameron Diaz on babies. Word. (INO)

Jacek’s #3 on the mound (Popoholic)

Why is Megan Fox being considered for EVERY role??? (The Superficial)

Why is Robert Pattinson being considered for EVERY role??? (E! Online)

Dakota Fanning is 15. And she’s clubbing. Yay for child stardom! (The Blemish)

Pissing away $130 million

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 10:09:00 June 11, 2009 10:09:00

If I’m on the board of Real Madrid, I am sh-tting f-cking panic this morning. Because the team just purchased Cristiano Ronaldo for $130 million from Manchester United and how does he celebrate? He celebrates with an Ebola infection. Which means he’s effectively pissed away his money. Don’t be surprised if he gets injured. Full Story

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Country Bitch hometown for his birthday

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 08:21:48 June 11, 2009 08:21:48

This is Carrie Underwood yesterday at the City of Hope Celebrity Softball Challenge. Country Bitch likes to give back when there’s a big audience. Have received a few emails lately asking to verify that Country Bitch has let go of Mike Fisher, hoping that Country Bitch has let go of Mike Fisher. Full Story

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Little balls playing with big boys

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 08:09:00 June 11, 2009 08:09:00

Wonder if MJ took any money off the Pip yesterday. Both are apparently very good golfers. And Michael Jordan loves to bet. He and Justin Timberlake played Bethpage Black yesterday (a public course!), site of this year’s US Open which will, as always, culminate on Father’s Day. Tiger Woods won the tournament there in 2002. Full Story