Katie Holmes: Lobotomy on a dance floor

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 24, 2009 06:36:54 July 24, 2009 06:36:54

Dreadful. Michelle said to me before leaving the office last night that she was afraid to watch SYTYCD. Afraid to feel the fontrum for Katie Holmes. And her premonition came true. It was the f-cking sh-ts. And an embarrassment to the show. Full Story

July 24, 2009 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 24, 2009 06:25:10 July 24, 2009 06:25:10

For Zuzana, Brenna, Shelley, Jennifer, and Larissa who flew in from Switzerland, I TOTALLY should have been the 6th bridesmaid! Laura’s girls are the BEST. And she says you’ve done it all for her, as real girls do. So after her wedding tomorrow, she’ll have to loan you out to Jessica Simpson, right? And to you Laura from your girls who proved you right, they are indeed the best – CONGRATULATIONS and wishing you the happiest marriage ever. Full Story

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Dear Gossips,

One more quick addition to the Whitney Houston listening session article I posted yesterday – scroll down or click here to read if you haven’t already – while Clive Davis was introducing the first song Million Dollar Bill written by Alicia Keys, he referenced his annual Grammy party last February. So many stars wanted to perform in his honour, too many to be accommodated, including Kanye West, who ended up saying a few words instead, because of course the final act was to be Whitney, as a salute to Clive, and she was going on at 12:30am.

Clive described the atmosphere that night. He said the room was full of major music players, and everyone went shock silent when Whitney took the stage and lost their sh-t when she sang her ass off. Afterwards, Clive recalled, Alicia Keys rang him and told him “I want to write for Whitney. I’m a songwriter first and a performer second, and it’s about the song and the singer. I want to write a song for her”. So that’s how the collaboration started. And this led Clive into a discussion about songwriting and about whether or not Whitney needs to write her own songs, because Whitney doesn’t write, and for a while there, several years ago, it was suggested by the haters that she was less of an artist because she doesn’t.

Clive’s answer to that was that Whitney Houston’s artistry, in the tradition of Lena Horne and Ella Fitzgerald, is that she can MAKE a song. In her hands, with her voice, a song becomes something else. Isn’t that a beautiful gift?

Can JailBait make a song?

Please f-ck off.

VH1 has just announced that VH1 Divas is coming back after a 4 year break and this year’s class includes Miley Cyrus…

Which means that that mash mouth little punk will share the same credentials as Whitney and Tina Turner and Celine Dion and Cher and Mariah Carey.

Don’t you hate people?

Don’t people suck?

F-ck VH1 Divas. Instead go out and buy Whitney’s album on September 1st.

It’s Thursday – am online all day from Toronto where my mother has invaded my life. She barged into my hotel room last night and wants to stay with me the weekend. Help.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Heather Graham was not one of the two girls in the limo.

GOOPy cooks chicken!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 23, 2009 13:47:32 July 23, 2009 13:47:32

Laura and I have been crowding my laptop for 10 minutes completely riveted watching Gwyneth debone chicken. It’s FASCINATING. And she knows what she’s doing. I mean it’s not the first time she’s done it. And she peels potatoes like a person who peels potatoes. Unlike me when I peel potatoes it takes 5 hours. Full Story

Posh swings

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 23, 2009 12:34:09 July 23, 2009 12:34:09

Heh. Can you imagine if it was the other swing? Like Becks gets to f-ck Katie Holmes and Posh and Tom Cruise try on clothes together? Win-win for everyone! No, Posh is swinging for reals. For a TV commercial shoot in London. Swinging in Louboutins. Swinging AND posing at the same time. Very challenging multi-task. Full Story

Sp’d Tingles KY Intense:Kate/James vs Keira/Rupert

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 23, 2009 12:23:14 July 23, 2009 12:23:14

Or you could call it the battle of the “arty morose” although Kate Bosworth’s career is nowhere close to Keira Knightley. Still there are many similarities between these 2 couples, including the “happy” but Rupert is gainfully employed. As an actor and not an enabler. So we’re dueling cheekbones now. Full Story

Johnny & Carol

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 23, 2009 11:35:46 July 23, 2009 11:35:46

The gays are swooning! Johnny Depp was asked about his dream project recently. He said he wants nothing more than to play Carol Channing in a biopic. “I love her, I really do, she's amazing. With all the digital technology these days, I could probably pull it off!" F-cking LOVE HIM! I’m currently sitting with 2 ‘mos right now. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 23, 2009 11:03:52 July 23, 2009 11:03:52

This should be Daniel Radcliffe’s personal Christmas card (Dlisted)

Lake Bell is SO hot (The Superficial)

Please, PLEASE give this girl her own show (Popeater)

Seriously…this girl is like Dick Clark (Hollywood Tuna)

These f-cker are famous now. And you’re still watching that JK8 bullsh-t? (Just Jared)

Where the Jolie was going the other day (Pop Sugar)

The prettiest girl in a nude dress (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

What Twi-Hards are eating (INO)

Getting fatherhood off to a great start (Cele|bitchy)

Ummmm…is this supposed to be Megan Fox’s face??? (Popoholic)

Tim & Faith: good pants, great legs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 23, 2009 09:48:04 July 23, 2009 09:48:04

A rare candid sighting of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill with their kids in LA shopping yesterday looking at puppies at a pet store. No! I don’t want to cast aspersions on this particular pet store but pet owners know about pet stores, and it's not recommended usually to get pets at a pet store, especially dogs, because of puppy mills and shady breeding practices. Full Story

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Ready for Robo?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 23, 2009 07:48:48 July 23, 2009 07:48:48

Tonight’s the night – Katie Holmes dancing and singing on the 100th episode of So You Think You Can Dance. Katie’s doing it for the Dizzy Feet Foundation – she cofounded the charity supporting art studies scholarships for kids, encouraging dance and music and even sport as a valuable educational tool, not unlike KidSport Full Story

Slumdog love in NYC

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 23, 2009 07:22:06 July 23, 2009 07:22:06

Freida Pinto and Dev Patel are in New York and were spotted by paps returning to their hotel last night after dinner. Dev jumped out a block ahead to avoid being photographed together. Um. Please. Why the f-cking drama? Maybe it’s that whole she was married and then became famous and ditched her poor husband allegation. Full Story