Boyfriend Jeans and Hookers

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 8, 2008 09:35:36 October 8, 2008 09:35:36

This is not Denise Richards. This is Lindsay Lohan. But at first glance, for half a second, I thought it was Denise Richards. And that is not a good thing. Because whatever Lilo is, she is most certainly not the worst Bond Girl/Former Heidi Fleiss Girl ever. Lilo also doesn’t attack elderly people with her laptop and accuse the father of her children of unspeakable acts only to beg him for his sperm five minutes later. Full Story

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Beyonce sings for Porny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 8, 2008 08:53:20 October 8, 2008 08:53:20

The first piece of advice on my new site BeJessicasFriend.com would be to hang out more with someone like B. Beyonce doesn’t get stepped on. And she had a daddy manager too. And even though B’s mom dresses her like sh*t, the smell of a blowjob isn’t always lingering fresh around her lips. Full Story

Canada and the Brange

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 8, 2008 07:52:00 October 8, 2008 07:52:00

Thank you for all your emails, Canada. And forgive me. Forgive me for not immediately picking out out a very popular Canadian. I was blinded by the Porn and the Brange. And remember what I said last week – the domestics are not for me. I don’t watch the home painting shows. I don’t watch the make your own closet shows. Full Story

Halle’s sexy sh*ts and giggles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 8, 2008 07:25:00 October 8, 2008 07:25:00

She’s been named by Esquire as the Sexiest Woman Alive. Word. Not even the Jolie could argue with that. With the help of writer Tom Chiarella, Halle Berry wrote her own article of acceptance for the honour – a candid and entertaining and a tad too “Oprah-y” piece about what turns her on and how she defines sexy. Full Story

Spons`d Smut: The Real Housewives of New York City

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 8, 2008 07:21:00 October 8, 2008 07:21:00

One of the reasons I find it so hard to watch reality tv is because I’m too embarrassed for them. I can barely get through The Office without hiding under the table every time Michael Scott speaks. It’s mortifying. And he’s not even real. But still I feel humiliated. Because my mother gave me too much shame. Full Story

What Mimi gave Nick

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 8, 2008 07:07:27 October 8, 2008 07:07:27

It’s Nick Cannon’s birthday today. His 28th. To celebrate, Mariah Carey hosted a party for him last night at Pure in Vegas and on the occasion of his first birthday as a married man, Meems presented her husband with the gift of Equality. Temporarily. He was allowed to stand side by side with her on the carpet. Full Story

How Chicken Fried Junior keeps her man

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 8, 2008 06:50:23 October 8, 2008 06:50:23

Lynne Spears is amazing. Two months ago, some trailer twat called Kelli sold her story to In Touch Weekly telling the tabloid that she and Jamie Lynn Spears’s baby father were still getting it on, even after JL found out she was pregnant. Click here Full Story

Pitt Philanthropic Porn

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 8, 2008 06:38:02 October 8, 2008 06:38:02

Killing several birds with one Pitt Porn – once again the Brange is owning the game and once again, they’re using the Pitt Porn to sell the message. I buy! I buy! As you know, Brad and Angelina and the babies are all in New Orleans. Brad’s Make it Right initiative to revitalise the Ninth Ward has reached its fundraising target and the Brange brought Maddox and Pax along on a site visit yesterday, chatting with locals with their arms wrapped around each other, giving photographers nearby some money shots that have now sold the world over, thereby announcing the solid state of their relationship AND promoting Brad’s philanthropic efforts in New Orleans. Full Story

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October 8, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 8, 2008 06:14:10 October 8, 2008 06:14:10

Congratulations to Miss Sarah K. in Ancaster, ON on welcoming Madeleine Kate on October 7th. Much love from Emily who so very much wishes she could be there! Happy Birthday to Angie in St John’s from Norah in Edmonton! To my sister, Carrie T. in Dallas, who I have always looked up to and who goes in on Thursday morning to have a set of her own holy twins (both boys)! Your body will look like normal again in a couple of months, just like Angelina. Full Story

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Britney’s Womaniser video drops this week and stills have been released. Squee! Squee!!!!

Girl looks f*CKING sick. Sick!

Sure… it’s makeup, it’s lighting, it’s brushed…but whatever. It’s Britney looking like Britney and Britney SO pretty. Especially with blonde hair and smiling and how come her weave can’t be like this all the time?

Tuesday – blogging all day, remember to refresh.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Daniel Craig is not easy but not hard.

PPS. Taupe is not being ignored.