Thursday, May 15, 2008

Dear Gossips,

The most random night ever.

After the opening gala and the ensuing celebration for Blindness last night, we headed to Nikki Beach. Nikki Beach is a travelling Eurocheese club staple. Super rich dudes who deal in oil and other mystery industries and their Eastern European mail order brides with fake tans, too much gold, tits that are paid for, and an aversion to food. By the end of the night, these f&ckers are spraying each other with champagne. Amazing.

Macy Gray performed, Eva Longoria and Eva Mendes whatever…but the best – the best, best, best in randomness – is that Star Jones showed up. Star f&cking Jones.


Even better? She walked in and instead of sniping about the size of her head, Laura and I looked at each other thinking the same thing:

OMFG. She’s thinner than we are.

Laura is tiny. But Star Jones is even smaller. Laura wanted to kill herself. Then she started re-evaluating her life. It was time to go home. Five metres from our flat, Dylan struck up a conversation with a cute Irish boy from Cork who invited us to onto his yacht that was moored at the pier just across the street. He lured Dylan with champagne and beer. An hour later Dylan had found the wingman to his Iceman.

This is Cannes.

And everyone in Cannes can talk of nothing but Angelina’s double deities. The Kung Fu Panda gala is tonight and that carpet will be a sh*tshow. Our first opportunity for Pitt Porn! There’s a rumour circulating around here that she and Brad will be bringing their two boys though Cannes is often about hype over substance. But I don’t post tomorrow, it means I was trampled by Brangelunatics. Right now, the South of France is Mecca to them.

I’m screening Kung Fu Panda this morning. Will keep you posted.

Interviews for Blindness today including Gael Garcia Bernal. Also Kung Fu Panda presser and the big splash tonight.

Thursday – am blogging all day between shoots, screenings, and interviews. Can’t wrap head around time difference. Check back often!

Yours in gossip,


Sit DOWN Eva Longoria!

May 15, 2008 13:50:00 Posted at May 15, 2008 13:50:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Put your bony little ass in the car seat and sit the f&ck down! Check out Eva Longoria – who? Eva Longoria – who? Yes… Eva fecking Longoria tonight on the carpet at the Kung Fu Panda premiere trying desperately to divert attention away from the Pitt Porn. Really? Her? Maybe a Hot Harry on a Horse sex tape. Full Story

Sex in Germany

May 15, 2008 13:26:30 Posted at May 15, 2008 13:26:30
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The girls were in Berlin today promoting Sex & the City. SJP’s dress… holy f&ck. Is it my drunken haze or is that the killer-est dress you’ve ever seen? Her dress is all kinds of sublime. All kinds! In typical Sarah Jessica fashion however she sucked the style out of everyone else. Full Story

Do you like long pants?

May 15, 2008 12:59:00 Posted at May 15, 2008 12:59:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Fireworks on the Croisette tonight – real ones and Pitty Porn styles too. It’s one of my favourites about Cannes: the firework display at 10:30pm followed by a rousing chorus of horns from all the surround ships in the harbour. Gives me goosebumps every time. Just like Pitt Porn gives me quivers. Full Story

Double Happiness 8/8/8

May 15, 2008 09:03:48 Posted at May 15, 2008 09:03:48
Lainey Posted by Lainey

As I’m sure you’ve heard, Dustin Hoffman “blurted” today that Angelina’s official due date is August 19th…which is only 11 days off from what I’ve been calling for months now: that the Pitts will birth their Chosen Sequels on the luckiest day of the century according to Chinese culture – August 8, 2008 Apparently there’s this thing called a VBAC. Full Story

Pregnant Angelina in Person

May 15, 2008 08:11:53 Posted at May 15, 2008 08:11:53
Lainey Posted by Lainey

A live Angelina Jolie experience is like no other. Not only because she herself is such a force but also because of what happens to the people who happen to be moved by her force. We sat there in the Kung Fu Panda presser laughing our asses off at grown men launching themselves into peril for a glimpse of the Jolie. Full Story

A Mortal Fights the Gods

May 15, 2008 05:16:00 Posted at May 15, 2008 05:16:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You have to applaud her effort, non? She is waging a war she can’t win but still she won’t give up. As you know, Angelina Jolie confirmed yesterday that she is indeed expecting two royal arrivals. Needless to say, as is the case with any headline related to the Pitts, it was the biggest news in gossip leaving every other story, including Jennifer Aniston’s romance with John Mayer, in the dust. Full Story

Blindness at Cannes

May 15, 2008 04:54:43 Posted at May 15, 2008 04:54:43
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I’m at the Martinez right now writing this, 6 or 7 feet away from Julianne Moore who is sitting down for roundtable interviews for Blindness. Have to restrain myself from running over to hug her. She’s been at it for 3 hours, surrounded by a large number of journalists questioning and pushing and she has been gracious and sweet and endearing and forthcoming the whole time. Full Story

No Mojo at Blindness

May 15, 2008 04:28:30 Posted at May 15, 2008 04:28:30
Lainey Posted by Lainey

There was a time when Mischa Barton was considered a style girl. She and Nicole Richie had a funky friends together kinda thing going on that used to be pretty cute. Then again, I’m a Mischa apologist. I liked the weird moccasins, she did have a certain “it”. But lately? Longer than lately? Mischa has lost her mojo. Full Story

Cate at Blindness

May 15, 2008 04:22:33 Posted at May 15, 2008 04:22:33
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Cate Blanchett attended the opening gala at Cannes for Blindness last night. This is not a forgiving colour. Not a colour for a woman four weeks after giving birth who might have some insecurities. Clearly, Cate Blanchett is not that woman. Of course she isn’t. Cate is here for Indiana Jones. Full Story