Monday, April 14, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Moving is the worst. Moving on a travel weekend is absolute torture. Am on assignment for until Wednesday – first Portland, then LA. Two pretty amazing interviews. Hint: Have you read Twilight? More on that later.

So Chicken Fried might be getting better…but Chicken Fried still can’t drive. Britney’s three car fender bender this weekend was the result, supposedly, of her doing her makeup before coming to a full stop. Thing is, I’d be a hypocrite if I slagged her for it. Because I can’t say I’ve never checked my blackberry behind the wheel. Will promise to stop, starting now. After all, I’m also Chinese. Terrible driving combination. By the way – you think she’s in love with her bodyguard? He has her type written all over him. They’ll probably be married by summer.

Monday – am blogging on the fly. Check back often… and I need your help! See below, am not too proud to beg.

Yours in gossip,


PS. Sarah Jessica Parker is not cranky. Also not Hilary Swank. No awards for this anorexic.

Photos from

No Rhythm > Over-Rhythm

April 14, 2008 14:11:00 Posted at April 14, 2008 14:11:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Am not evolved enough to understand the apparent loin-inflammation that has been resulting from Mario Lopez’s Broadway debut in A Chorus Line. So he can dance. But does he have to flame dance? This is ignorant, I know. And I wish I could be like Sarah Jessica Parker. I wish I could see a dandy up on stage and go ahead and marry it. Full Story

Bond’s Blue Eyes

April 14, 2008 11:34:00 Posted at April 14, 2008 11:34:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This is for my producer Laura who sends me on the best assignments. Thank you for Twilight. Now here’s a little Bond. Daniel Craig and fiancée (or perhaps wife) on Sunday at the London premiere of Flashbacks of a Fool. These photos have not been enhanced. Those really are his eyes. The true colour of his eyes. Full Story

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When She’s With Ken

April 14, 2008 10:55:00 Posted at April 14, 2008 10:55:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

What is it about Ken Paves that he brings out Jessica’s tranny time and again? It’s not as bad as it’s been in the past but the signs are all there – the linebacker shoulders, those hermy-lookin’ legs, and also an air of tacky even with a trillion dollar bag and matching shoes. Full Story

Cougar Cam Makes a Cameo

April 14, 2008 08:53:52 Posted at April 14, 2008 08:53:52
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The first sketch on SNL is always considered the strongest. And while Ashton Kutcher was officially the host, it was Cameron’s cameo that stole the show. She was fantastic. Obnoxious and annoying and perfect – in many ways, Saturday Night Live is the ideal showcase for her… talents. Full Story

Ashton Mayer

April 14, 2008 07:18:30 Posted at April 14, 2008 07:18:30
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Did you watch SNL? First and final sketches were my favourites. And Kristin Wiig is the sh*t. Angelina Jolaire… remember that? Hee. So Ashton hosted, was competent, and also so so so hot. Because when Ashton shaves, Ashton is gorgeous. And he looks amazing in clothes. Perfect pants, shirts that fit well, hair that works messy, hair that works neat. Full Story

Name a Funnier Couple

April 14, 2008 07:14:00 Posted at April 14, 2008 07:14:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Can you? Amy Poehler and Will Arnett (a Canadian!) last night at an autism benefit in a rare red carpet appearance. They say Amy’s days on SNL are numbered – not because they don’t want to keep her, but because they can’t keep her. Just like they couldn’t keep the others: Eddie Murphy, Adam Sandler, Tina Fey…the list goes on. Full Story

Rumey’s Little Waist and New Friends

April 14, 2008 06:56:45 Posted at April 14, 2008 06:56:45
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Rumer went shopping the other day to show off her bouncy breasts accentuated by a very small waist. And don’t call my Rumey a butterface! My Rumey has good angles! And in person she’s actually almost cute! Rumey also showed up in New York on Saturday night to support her MOD (my other dad) Ashton Kutcher after his hosting gig on SNL. Full Story

Newlyweds Play Coy

April 14, 2008 06:51:22 Posted at April 14, 2008 06:51:22
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Beyonce and Jay-Z showed up courtside at a basketball game the other day and continued to play coy about their wedding. Jay was ring-less and B kept her hand hidden…not that there’s any question about what happened on 4/4/8. Still… am all over the fact that they won’t talk about it. Full Story

Replacing KatE with Kate

April 14, 2008 04:39:04 Posted at April 14, 2008 04:39:04
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Rumour has it, Victoria Beckham has had enough of Katie Holmes, unhappy with the fact that her protégé has now become more posh. UK tabloids are also reporting that Tom has chilled to his wife’s friendship with Mrs Beckham, supposedly because Victoria is a bad “thin” influence, subversively pressuring Katie to lose too much weight. Full Story

Short and Blind

April 14, 2008 04:36:00 Posted at April 14, 2008 04:36:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Which lead singer of a band that’s all about giving back and clean living and saving the world abandoned his wife and children for a woman he met online last summer? Which tv starlet was so hard up for “happy” the other day, she couldn’t stop twitching, resulting in too many wasted takes? Full Story