Twi-Fight at Blockbuster

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2009 08:21:12 June 4, 2009 08:21:12

You all love the lunatic twi-hard hate mail. Unfortunately they haven’t been very creative lately. Angry and upset, yes. But not creative. How about a lunatic twi-hard catfight? Can I offer you one of those? Received this from a long time reader coincidentally called Rob from way back during the newsletter days, right? Thanks for the support! Anyway, Rob was at Blockbuster last night and saw this go down. Full Story

Granny at the Goodwill!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2009 08:12:00 June 4, 2009 08:12:00

Oh the magic of moviemaking! When else would you see Grandma Freeze dumping sh-t off at the Goodwill? Gran is shooting Rabbit Hole in New York, filmed a scene today in Queens. There was a rumour floating around earlier this week that she was looking to adopt from Vietnam. Some Vietnamese official started it. Full Story

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Single Orange Female

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2009 07:58:31 June 4, 2009 07:58:31

Samantha Ronson in working in London this week. Lindsay Lohan showed up in London this week. Word is she arranged her schedule and booked a photo shoot conveniently for when Sam was there, staying at a hotel just down the street. So last night, Sam heads to Bungalow 8 with her brother and some friends. Full Story

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Shelfy’s legs on Letterman

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2009 07:27:18 June 4, 2009 07:27:18

Shelfy has turned up the hustle this week. She’ll be on Ellen, she’ll be on Fallon, and last night she was on Letterman. Showed up in a short skirt and showed off a pair of lovely legs. Up top though… Maybe not the most flattering blouse? Looks shapeless through the middle. But whatever. Full Story

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June 4, 2009 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2009 07:15:01 June 4, 2009 07:15:01

Happy Birthday Manon! Will be writing about Joshua Jackson later today – with photos as your gift! Sending the luck of the Irish to Sally M - You are going to rawk that exam! Raising a pint in your honour of your brilliance, Steph C Finally… It’s been 20 years.  Full Story

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Dear Gossips,

I posted this article on June 1, International Children’s Day. Children getting pimped out by their parents. Amazing.

I don’t have children, but I am my mother’s child. My mother might be a crazy bitch, but at the very least, my mother never wanted me to become Miss Hong Kong and, in her words, “cheap out in a bathing suit for some wrinkly old Asian perverts”.

These kids, they don’t have a mother like my mother. I am afraid to live without my mother. That day will come. And then what? Some say it’s a crippling, oppressive existence: there are days when I can’t even scratch my ass without her approval. But I cannot make a decision without her. And when it comes to major decisions, there is no way until she has a say.

Especially now that we’re househunting. Who knew you could get sick from househunting? I haven’t been right for days.

We had our eye on a place recently. We were so interested, we were ready to do the baby test. The baby test is a Chinese thing. You find a place, before you put in an offer, you get a baby in there, under 2 years old, to sweep through the place. If the baby is at peace, calm, normal, you know the place is clean. If the baby wails, fusses, is uncomfortable, DO NOT BUY and get the hell out.

So I’ve been borrowing my friend Julie’s baby for these house visits. And we were about to borrow the baby again and then my mom started calling. My mother, she never worries for me. She only worries about herself. But she’s been worrying about me constantly this week. Then she saw me on tv on Monday and she knew there was something wrong. I emailed her the photos of the townhouse we were looking at and she called back 5 minutes later:

Don’t go back there
, she said. Do not go there ever again. And by all means don’t you bring your friend’s baby there either. That place is dirty. That place is making you sick.

Needless to say, we’re not buying it. We killed the search.

As for being sick, she told me it’ll be a few days, that my body will be ejecting the badness, and wouldn’t you know overnight there was a purge, this morning there are pimples, but my headache is totally gone, my body feels like it’s mine again, and mom made it better. I know it like I know my own name. What will happen to me when she’s not around?

Why are these parents parading their daughters around in full mascara and bathing suits on red carpets?

As for the househunting, Westerners often scoff at this kind of mythology. It’s up to you what you believe – just like gossip: it’s a buffet. But if you are interested in this sort of thing, and reading your emails it seems like you are, be careful when you househunt. NEVER look in the mirrors. And always do the baby test.

Wednesday – scroll down for late posts from yesterday including a Twilight casting update. Today: Taylor Kitsch! And my shamef-ck resurfaces, grosser than ever.

Yours in gossip,


Chris Pine bails out

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2009 17:35:08 June 3, 2009 17:35:08

He was universally ridiculed when word leaked that he was dating Audrina Patridge. Kinda like John Mayer and Jessica Simpson… only worse. Which is why he shamefacedly skipped the carpet at the Movie Awards on Sunday. ShameFace is the worst with cameras around. And now Hollyscoop Full Story

Glamour Shamef-ck

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2009 15:52:47 June 3, 2009 15:52:47

He’s at home in London and attended the Glamour Magazine awards last night, all of his most disgusting attributes tweaked up to the top of the dial. The flared nostrils. The silly attempt at eye to vagina penetration. And those feet. Oh my God those feet are killing me. Anyway, as I mentioned last week, Ed has been confirmed to play Heathcliff in a new adaptation of Wuthering Heights. Full Story

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George’s new piece

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2009 13:26:40 June 3, 2009 13:26:40

Us Weekly reported in their last issue that this is George Clooney’s new piece. Her name is Lucy Wolvert. Guess what she does for a living? Well of course she’s an aspiring model/actress. But Lucy is also a cocktail waitress! According to the magazine, they met in Miami a few weeks ago and have been together since. Full Story

Two favourites

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2009 13:15:21 June 3, 2009 13:15:21

Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman at the UK premiere of Last Chance Harvey. Look at them dancing! The cutest! Dustin also brought along his wife Lisa and their daughter. He ADORES his wife. Has done for many, many years. And they’re naughty. More like HE’s naughty. When I interviewed him in Cannes last year he kept joking about men being horny. Full Story

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Sit DOWN Emile Hirsch

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2009 12:42:00 June 3, 2009 12:42:00

Laura is still bitter about the fact that I made her leave the Du Cap that night in Cannes while Robert Pattinson was still there on the terrace. Click here Full Story