Monday, June 9, 2008

Dear Gossips,

My husband has the assiest style, like, ever. Totally oblivious to what looks ok and what looks like loser. So the mantra in our house is: if he thinks it looks good, it means it looks like sh*t.

Normally I don’t care. But we’re headed to Toronto this week and he’s coming to our party and I’m the asshole who doesn’t want to be seen with the dude who still rocks pleats. Pleats!!!

So we went shopping. We went shopping and we had to fight over his Poland circa 1979 sense of style. What’s most heartbreaking though is that he has a clothes hanger body, which means when he’s willing to not look like a dork, he has the potential of looking pretty good. This is why Quiveration is a package, see? It’s never just a face, or just a body. It’s the way the face and the body are packaged and sold. Because if David Beckham dressed like my husband, I don’t care what he looks like naked. My loins would say no.

Surprisingly enough though, he also bought a new pair of golf shoes this weekend… inspired by Justin Timberlake’s. He said it was the only part of Pip’s golf gear he was down with, making mention that Pip’s pants were “goofy”. Ugh. You see what I have to live with?

Congratulations to the following winners of the Cesar Millan book giveaway contest!

Tanya N and Bogart, Erin M and Reese, and Lori B and Willy. Also attached…Marcus being a dickhead at grandpa’s, mooching for food, as usual.

Monday – am online all day, check back often. And two new riddles!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Canadian Work Ethic

June 9, 2008 16:13:37 Posted at June 9, 2008 16:13:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey

By Hollywood standards, Pamela Anderson is not stinking rich. In fact, she’s probably closer to broke ass. This is why Canada’s filthiest scab has to resort to hiring herself out to parties for a paltry $100K. $100K is a lot of money for us… it’s chump change for them. But do it she must – this is the most she was born to do. Full Story

For the Few

June 9, 2008 15:56:38 Posted at June 9, 2008 15:56:38
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Who lose it for Thom Yorke, for so many who lose it for Radiohead. Did you watch Coldplay on The Hour on Friday? The hour-long special is now on the site. Of course Chris Martin had to mention Radiohead. Of course he did. Because he always does. Full Story

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Hot Harry, a Horse, Chelsy, and a Beagle!

June 9, 2008 11:39:33 Posted at June 9, 2008 11:39:33
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Hot Harry playing polo yesterday still workin’ a little beer pudge especially around the chin but who cares when he’s on a horse? Harry on a Horse is the Hottest! Hot Harry on a Horse was accompanied by his girlfriend Chelsy who, after a brief split, is now steadfastly by his side. Hot Harry > Beaver WillChelsy Davy > Kate Middleton Totally! Chelsy has beautiful legs, non? And beautiful highlights. Full Story

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Don’t Call Him Diddy

June 9, 2008 11:19:00 Posted at June 9, 2008 11:19:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Oh make up your f&cking mind!!! When I was 20, for some reason I had it in my head that my Chinese name was lame. I was playing a lot of mahjong back then, late night gambling sessions with the Hong Kong Hello Kitty crowd in university, listening to cantopop, learning karaoke, and getting a proper education on Fresh-Off-the-Boatness 101. Full Story

Why He’s Single

June 9, 2008 10:30:47 Posted at June 9, 2008 10:30:47
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It was an unexpected split. Many were led to believe erroneously, me included, that their end had more to do with his machinations than with hers. As it turns out however the reason behind the break up was the dreaded OverReach. What sent him scrambling were comments like this, dropped casually into conversation: “I forgot my pill. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

June 9, 2008 08:21:00 Posted at June 9, 2008 08:21:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Grumpy Gay Mouths Off (DListed )

Is Brody’s mom hotter than his girl? (Hollywood Tuna )

Working for Denise Richards is the worst job in the world (Drunken Stepfather
site NSFW)

Will she beat her baby down with a cell phone? (INO )

Kiki slept with this. And maybe Emma Watson too? (Holy Moly )

We turned them into millionaires. F&ck us. (Cele|bitchy )

Why RDJ is > than everyone (ASL )

Karma Poo

June 9, 2008 07:54:01 Posted at June 9, 2008 07:54:01
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Mischa Barton, the twat who caused my broken arm, showed up at the Time for Heroes celebrity carnival to benefit The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatic Aids Foundation embarrassingly overdressed. It was a CARNIVAL. Most people wore casual summer dresses and/or jeans. Mischa turns up with a glitzy Chanel bag and rings on every finger begging to be noticed. Full Story

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Ed & Liv & The Incredible Hulk

June 9, 2008 07:10:00 Posted at June 9, 2008 07:10:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The premiere was last night… here are the two stars of the film on the green carpet – Ed looking hotter than he has since Salma Hayek and Liv bright in blue is total gorgessity. But… because she’s wearing a baggy dress, no doubt the dreaded dumb bumpwatch will begin anew. In Hollywood, you are not allowed to wear anything less than skintight without being accused of being pregnant. Full Story

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NKOTB MMVA!!!

June 9, 2008 06:44:56 Posted at June 9, 2008 06:44:56
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Toronto will be heard halfway around the world come Sunday. Because New Kids on the Block have just been confirmed to perform at the MMVAs! Was always a Jordan. Am scared now to see Jordan. I think Jordan’s had some work done. But … it’s like high school never goes away. I still totally would. Full Story

Post Partum Flirtation

June 9, 2008 06:29:38 Posted at June 9, 2008 06:29:38
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Had a baby not too long ago, supposedly a happy family. But there’s been a little blip. And it’s not just the late nights. Seems she’s been a little bored with domesticity and has had a naughty flirtation. Saucy text messages and heated exchanges, some suggestive touching and closed door petting were spicing up her life but the subject of her giddy infatuation was not the father of her child. Full Story