Milton Green needs a kidney

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 23, 2009 15:33:55 May 23, 2009 15:33:55

Just catching up now on missed tv. First order of business: 30 Rock. Tina Fey forever. And you know they all said yes immediately. How do I make Milton Green needs a kidney my ringtone?      Full Story

Robert Pattinson gets sold out

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 23, 2009 09:26:00 May 23, 2009 09:26:00

EXCLUSIVE Reference materials for this post: A Life & Style report – click here - claiming that at the amfAR gala the other night in Cannes, Robert Pattinson was all over some girl called Erika , kissing her, and leaving with her. Full Story

Friday, May 22, 2009

Dear Gossips,

Am flying home today starting early in the morning Cannes time and ending in the evening Vancouver time. A bitch of a schedule and very little between connections so I may not have time to get online.

So the bad news is there will be few opportunities to blog...myself.

The good news is many of you wrote and seemed to enjoy the husband's perspective...

Smutty Tingles therefore belongs to him again today. And the amfAR event went down in Cannes so he'll be offering his commentary on some of the celebrities attending. Keep in mind, he's the dude who walks around in tearaways and only just recently gave up pleated pants.

Also - on the terrace at the du Cap...from Laura's perspective.

Blog schedule will be completely back to normal on Monday after vodka detox and hopefully some sleep.

Have officially wiped away all terrible Mischa Barton Cannes memories on this trip. Am no longer scarred.

Thank you for your emails and messages. Am very grateful you've enjoyed the posts. Am very grateful for your patience with the time difference. And am very grateful you continue to come to for your smutty needs.

Thank you, love you, owe you...

Have a great weekend.

Yours in gossip,


PS. To all of you in Vancouver - from 10am to 3pm on Saturday, May 23 I'll be joining other on air hosts at CTV Headquarters at Burrard and Robson (750 Burrard) for the CTV Open House in support of local news and programming! These open house events are happening all across the country at various CTV locations. Come down, we'll gossip! Hope to see you there!

So here we go. Quite terrified actually knowing how many of you are reading this but apparently this amfAR thing is too big for us not to post anything today. So as you read please keep in mind that I rarely read anything beyond boring business journals, have zero fashion sense (so I’m told), and am thought of by my wife and our closest friends as “bad joke guy”. I was crushed when I found this out, by the way, but when I think of how comedically challenged my Dad and brother are, I completely understand that my deficiency is inherited and I’m actually coping quite well.

Lastly, if you’re still reading this by noon-ish Eastern knowing it’s me writing, you are one HARDCORE smut hound. So either kudos to you or get a job. I can’t decide...

- Jacek


Jacek Posted by Jacek at May 22, 2009 11:13:00 May 22, 2009 11:13:00

So I log on to the photo database to pull down some arfAR pics and one of the first ones I see is one of some dude down on his knees shooting Verne Troyer (aka Mini Me). I think to myself, ok, that’s a bit unnecessary, but it must be a one-off. Next photo: dude STILL down on one knee with another guy staring down at Verne like he’s a f-cking circus side show! A third with him being dwarfed by the photo wall at a strange angle, and a fourth with a reporter squatting down to interview him. Full Story

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Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2009 10:27:00 May 22, 2009 10:27:00

Check out today’s tingles. Lainey’s likely going comment on some of these with full articles on Monday cause some of this sh-t is amazing, but this should carry you through to the weekend…

20K for a kiss from Rob? Naa..Twi-hards aren’t crazy at all (Dlisted)

Yummy Blake’s acting no match her great tits and legs (Hollywood Tuna)

Clay Aiken likes to piss where he sleeps (Gawker)

Fergie wearing a Pontiac Trans Am roof on her face (Just Jared)

The GMD doing guy things at the Laker Game cause that’s what guys do (Pop Sugar)

Jean Claude packing some tighty heat – hilarious! (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Owen Wilson’s too famous to wait in line (INO)

See? What did I say about BlenderLegs? Look at this pic! You don’t even have to look for it with him (Cele|bitchy)

Kate Hudson as a trailer park brunette – no thanks! (PopEater)

Ebola and her man public f-cking – basically not kidding (The Superficial)

Referees and Ballerinas

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2009 09:14:21 May 22, 2009 09:14:21

Here’s Elsa Pataky at the amfAR event last night. If you blink quickly enough you’ll see her moving up and down on your screen.  Or...Pass Interference.  Miami number 23. Automatic...First Down! Is this fashionable? Is she ahead of the curve? Cause I don’t see it. She should stick to castles, saving Africa, and plumbing. Full Story

amfAR Cannes 2009 Best Discovery

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2009 08:32:00 May 22, 2009 08:32:00

So the other day Lainey wrote that I wouldn’t leave her alone until we posted something about Shu Qi. Here she is at the amfAR event last night confirming that I was totally right to insist. Angelic is the word here I believe. Except for the one shot where she’s got a little bent-face going on. Full Story

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My take on Rob

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2009 08:15:00 May 22, 2009 08:15:00

Here’s a little more Rob for the Twi-hards and horny cougars (is that rude?). Robert Pattinson at the amfAR auction with Sharon Stone and later leaving the hotel to attend a premiere. What can I say about Rob? Overall, a good looking guy. Like Guillaume, has the whole chisel thing going on with the character nose. Full Story

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On the terrace - Laura's POV

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2009 07:49:38 May 22, 2009 07:49:38

Lainey:Many of you have written to ask about Laura's perspective on the terrace at the du Cap the other night. When she tried not to eyef-ck Robert Pattinson too obviously. Others have emailed to say you'd prefer Laura's account because mine lacked enthusiasm. And a few twi-hards hated on me for not taking his picture. Full Story

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amfAR Ebola

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2009 07:11:40 May 22, 2009 07:11:40

Check out this set of photos of Ebola and her new boyfriend at amfAR last night. Oooops! I dropped my bracelet! It was like, a total accident! It was on my…and now its…oh wait...he's not picking it up for me! But I’m such a lady and I’ve found myself such a fine man!?! Dude looks confused in the couple of shots that follow. Full Story

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amFAR Hottest

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2009 06:50:13 May 22, 2009 06:50:13

Here’s Marion Cotillard with Guillaume Canet last night at amfAR looking f-in’ hot as usual. Quick side bar. First time I made a point of figuring out who Marion was is when I saw that Dior Eiffel Tower ad. You know which one I’m talking about. Attached it for your reference. That thing screams sex doesn’t it? And not dirty sex either. Full Story

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