Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dear Gossips,

I am a suspicious bitch. And if yesterday was any indication, the next few days will be rough. First I was too busy cranking out on my blackberry in the cab on the way from the airport to notice that he was taking the long route. By the time we ended up at the hotel, I paid $75 for a ride that normally costs $50. F-cker.

Then while unpacking I realised I’d forgotten all my makeup. ALL OF IT. Everything. Including CONCEALER! Because I have that giant pimple, right? Oh and by the way, upon closer obsessive inspection (thank you for all your zit zapping suggestions!), I’ve realised that said monster pimple is actually two monster pimples clustered together… like Ebola and her sister Nicky Hilton. Sibling diseases infesting my face. Great.

Finally, in addition to not packing makeup, I also discovered after changing into gym clothes for a quick pound on the treadmill, that – UGH!!!! – I’d also left behind my trainers! Now I’m making do with $50 Asics from the Discount Show Warehouse that will probably f-ck up my knees.

How to deal?

The Chelsea Handler way: Vodka.

It was wall to wall celebrities last night at the signature pre-Oscar week Grey Goose party. Last year Madonna showed up while Drew Barrymore was celebrating her birthday with Cameron Diaz and Javier Bardem. This year, Grey Goose kicked off three days of star decadence at the newly opened Cecconi’s with a very strong star turnout that included… Robert Pattinson. More on that later. The Brit Awards first. Yes ladies and cougars, I’m making you wait. He did look clean though. Does that help?

Thursday – am blogging all day between shoots. Check late posts from yesterday!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Many of you expressed sadness about Mickey Rourke’s Ebola Paris Hilton infection resulting in the loss of Loki and the possible loss of Oscar on Sunday. Perhaps however there’s another way to interpret Loki’s death. What if Loki’s passing was the ultimate sacrifice? Marcus my sh-t eating beagle is too selfish, but Loki seemed loving and considerate and maybe, by laying down her own life, and it was a long, loved life, in absorbing the brunt of Ebola’s deadliness, maybe Loki gave Mickey her final gift. This is why a dog is man’s best friend.

PPS. Three sleeps until Oscar. Herbal Essences is sponsoring our coverage Monday to round out their hair trends feature. Be sure to check it out here. And have you filled out your Annual Contest ballot?

PPPS. Susan Sarandon is not cuckolding Tim Robbins.

Getting some Halle love…and luck!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 15:05:20 February 19, 2009 15:05:20

Today at the Essence Magazine Black Women in Hollywood Awards Luncheon – Halle Berry as usual looking immortal, even though the dress might be a little Kate Beckinsale for an afternoon event. Love how Kate Beckinsale is now synonymous with Overdress. I am STILL offended by her Grammy gown. Anyway, not sure how I feel about the business going on at the back of Halle there… You like? Is it a squirrel? Anyway, also at the event, also gorgeous – Supporting Actress nominee Taraji P Henson. Full Story

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Nicole and a prune

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 13:47:15 February 19, 2009 13:47:15

It’s like they’re all turning into each other, blending, morphing, pruning… Here are Nicole Richie and Mary Kate Olsen yesterday at the Proenza Schouler show at Fashion Week. Same kinky hair I so desire, one with fringe, one without, same dark eyes, cheekbones accentuated, and of course… MK is rocking the prune. Full Story

John on Jolie before Jen

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 12:22:28 February 19, 2009 12:22:28

Everyone here in LA is buzzing about the battle royale on the red carpet on Sunday – Jen and John and the Brange at the Oscars? Perhaps John Mayer is hoaxing. Hopefully not! Academy seating plans! What to do? Anyway, thanks to Noelle for this delicious little blast from the past. A John Mayer interview with Rolling Stone Full Story

Grey Goose Twilight, Mamma Mia, and more

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 11:31:59 February 19, 2009 11:31:59

It was supposed to be a quiet night last night at the Grey Goose party – the first of three this week. Dylan and I were planning on easing into the festivities. Not quiet, no easing. We should have known when we walked in right behind Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman, inseparable all night. Sarah in person? GORGEOUS. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 11:12:39 February 19, 2009 11:12:39

JailBait’s boyfriend’s bulge (Dlisted)

I keep saying this but really…she never ages (Hollywood Tuna)

Almost every night, I dream about the lead (Just Jared)

With hair like this, why would LA want to let him go? (Pop Sugar)

Kate Moss’s New York body (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Why Samro must keep spinning for Lilo (INO)

Guy sucks, Madge blamed. Fair or sexist? (Cele|bitchy)

Is this piece being wasted on Joe Jonas? (Popoholic)

This is why I have two giant pimples (The Blemish)

Who pulled a Lohan backstage at the Brits? (Holy Moly)

Filthy Scab Fashion Week

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 10:07:20 February 19, 2009 10:07:20

She modeled for Richie Rich …if you can call this modeling. I call it spraying skank. But why quibble over definitions? This is Pamela Anderson in all her Filthy Scab glory classing up the runway. Was Anna Wintour in the front row? Please, someone, send me a photo of her face! Anna can shrivel with her eyes…and there’s an abundance to hate on where the Scab is concerned, even when she’s covered up. Full Story

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Gwynnie super mini!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 09:29:15 February 19, 2009 09:29:15

Coldplay performed at the War Child show last night in London so of course Gwyneth was there to support her husband wearing a killer jacket and of course a super mini to show off those Tracy Anderson legs. As you can see, GOOP is glowing, happy to have hurdled their recent marital hump. Per usual, the two were not photographed together. Full Story

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Shelfy > Posh too?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 08:20:52 February 19, 2009 08:20:52

Oh Posh. Losing out to Blake Lively for a Vogue cover. And possibly Katherine Heigl. And now…perhaps the ultimate insult… Shelf Ass Jessica Biel??? You see? This is the power of the Pipsqueak. This is why his Herm will never, ever, EVER let go. Because her movies tank, she isn’t working on anything, she’s a tv girl period, but still, after her boyfriend Justin Timberlake introduces her to Anna Wintour, suddenly Shelfy might cover Vogue. Full Story

Have you seen this before?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 07:31:53 February 19, 2009 07:31:53

Oh look! It’s Sienna Miller looking busted at the end of the night getting into a cab! She’s young, she was leaving the War Child after party, she clearly enjoyed a few drinks…nothing wrong with that. Come on, she’s not working on some woman’s husband for a change. Let her have her fun. Full Story

The Hoff at the Brits!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 19, 2009 07:21:00 February 19, 2009 07:21:00

Don’t ask me why he’s there. Don’t even bother sending me whatever explanation about a movie or a tv show or some dvd or even worse, a new album. I don’t care. There is only one reason The Hoff ever shows up anywhere and that is it to provide the cheese. Don’t ask me who he has with him. Full Story