Worst Emmy Couple: Patrick Dempsey & Mrs BitchFace

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 07:11:41 September 22, 2008 07:11:41

Another carpet, another case of the BitchFace. She tried to smile and it almost incapacitated her. My mother calls it Fu Gwa Gon: Dry Bitter Melon Peels. Her godson married a Fu Gwa Gon. Even when she’s happy she looks like she’s at a funeral. One day a few years ago, mother was playing mahjong and Fu Gwa Gon was sitting in her eyeline. Full Story

Worst Emmy Breathless: Hayden Panettiere

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 07:08:52 September 22, 2008 07:08:52

Is it just me or did the 35 year old seem like she was sucking in so hard she could barely breathe? I get that everyone there was Spanxing it last night, holding in every last imaginary ripple, every curve that starvation could not kill, faint and woozy from a week’s worth of eating air… but Hayden Panettiere seemed especially uncomfortable. Full Story

Most Emmy Boring: Lauren Conrad

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 07:04:29 September 22, 2008 07:04:29

Her own dress was boring as f&ck. The dress she designed for the statue girls was boring as f&ck. And her presentation skills were the most boring as f&ck. So boring that poor David Boreanaz who unfortunately had to share the stage with her was so bored he almost fell asleep handing out the award. Full Story

Best Emmy AssTalk up the ass: Conan O’Brien

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:59:00 September 22, 2008 06:59:00

Katherine Heigl didn’t show but he called out the ungrateful Princess of Asstalk for the ungrateful asstalker she is: “At this point I had planned on doing a few more jokes…but Katherine Heigl told me she didn’t think my material was Emmy-worthy.” Love, love, love. Photo from SPLASH Full Story

Best Emmy Black: America Ferrera

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:54:34 September 22, 2008 06:54:34

She’s perfect. And she glowed. And she lost to Tina Fey. Isn’t it an honour to lose to Tina Fey? I’d lose to Tina Fey every day and feel complete. Check out America Ferrera in a black gown she was born to wear. If she’s glowing it might be because she’s happy to be rid of Lindsay Lohan for now. Full Story

Best Emmy Canadian: Sandra Oh

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:51:09 September 22, 2008 06:51:09

She brought her parents. And she was tiny. Ultra tiny. But at least she wasn’t her usual ultra bitch. Not that that’s a bad thing. That Sandra Oh has a bite. That she is not an easy woman. That she can be testy and irritable and totally unaccommodating. That she is annoyed often and doesn’t hesitate to communicate it. Full Story

Most Emmy Endearing: Jenna Fischer

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:45:52 September 22, 2008 06:45:52

She’s not a fashion girl. So the dress… it’s obviously not the best. Far from the best. But it was a sweet effort, if not the most fashionable. Let’s focus instead on premiere week. The Office is back on Thursday and do we worry for Jim and Pam? It’s not television if there’s no difficulty. Full Story

Worst Emmy Wrinkle: Nicolette Sheridan

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:40:00 September 22, 2008 06:40:00

It’s a bold idea. But is bold good? I have a thing about wrinkles. It’s from my mother. She irons everything. And she would say, if she could see this dress… Chow chow. Chow is wrinkly in Cantonese. We like to repeat adjectives twice for added effect. Chow chow may be bold…but chow chow not good. Full Story

Best Emmy Comeback: Debra Messing

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:36:17 September 22, 2008 06:36:17

She has been underwhelming for a long time. But last night, Debra Messing came roaring back. Love this dress so much. And it’s perfect on her. And she didn’t try too hard the way she normally does. No more Will & Grace can be humbling. She certainly needed humbling too. Word is, by the end of Will & Grace she thought she was Sarah Jessica Parker. Full Story

Most Emmy Disappointing: Mary Louise Parker

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:32:48 September 22, 2008 06:32:48

Love her. Which is why it’s so sad. That she shopped at a truck stop in Vegas. It’s the ruching down the front. And the bedazzled straps. You know who wears a dress like this? It’s That Girl from your husband’s office who drunk calls him every weekend. The one you’d like to throw down at the Christmas party but end up sparing out of pity when she walks into the venue wearing this dress. Full Story

Worst Emmy Ruffles: Teri Hatcher

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:29:23 September 22, 2008 06:29:23

The good news is… her face doesn’t look so terrifying. Amazing how some people put other people into perspective, right? Constant shots of Madonna and Granny Freeze have numbed us all, no pun intended. The bad news… she’s shopping at the mall. You know those ladies’ stores at the mall? They have names like After Six. Full Story