Monday, February 23, 2009

Dear Gossips,

So many things made me happy last night. Most of the things that made me happy will send me directly to hell. But then again, there’s probably a torture chamber reserved for me there already anyway. So it won’t make a difference then if I tell you that I fist pumped with evil glee when Shelf Ass Biel showed up on the pool feed wearing that… dinner napkin. Like I almost missed a live cue because I was too busy celebrating.

Did you enjoy the Oscars?

The Oscar wrap up to follow…

But first – a few housekeeping items. Articles were posted on Saturday re: the Spirit Awards and Jennifer Love Hewitt’s birthday f-ckery. Please, please treat yourself to it on a difficult Monday morning. I promise it’s worth it. So scroll down, click VIEW MORE ARTICLES and keep scrolling and keep clicking because today’s column will be long. And remember, they’re posted in reverse chronological order so older posts will appear lower.

There’s the carpet to cover, and then the parties, and then the non-Oscar gossip too. For smutlovers, this is considered high season.

Also I head back to Vancouver today too. So blogging while packing and finishing up voice overs for eTalk. In other words, more typos than usual. Am writing through the night. Forgive!

Yours in gossip,


PS. TK and I before and after on the balcony. Thanks to Elsa Corsi, a local Vancouver jewellery designer for the gorgeous earrings and cuff! And for those of you who’ve been asking – since I was on Twitter the whole time too, this explains may arm behind my back throughout most of the show. Blackberry!

PPS. SLUMDOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oscar napkin or towel?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 23, 2009 14:09:55 February 23, 2009 14:09:55

I say napkin. Like a napkin tucked in during a meal. But some of you are saying towel, a towel hanging on a bar in your bathroom. Whatever the case… It’s balls! And it’s f-cking amazing! When we saw this on the pool feed, I almost twisted my ankle jumping up and down with excitement on my 6 inches. Full Story

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Oscar Pitt Porn

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 23, 2009 13:52:00 February 23, 2009 13:52:00

While they may have lost the latest battle in an interminable war, the Brange last night did not give ground. Because when they arrived, as you’d expect, the place went batsh-ts. He, as usual, was the most handsome son of a bitch in town. She… was a little waxy. But with an elegance last night that was missing from the SAGs and the rest. Full Story

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Oscar True Love Declaration: Jen & John

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 23, 2009 13:16:21 February 23, 2009 13:16:21

They truly are a match made in famewhore heaven. I love them. I really, really truly love them. If you live for gossip, how can you not? She spends all her days plotting against the Brange, he spends all of his days writing and filming press releases to promote his deep thoughts, the coming together of Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer makes so much sense on so many levels. Full Story

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Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 23, 2009 12:38:06 February 23, 2009 12:38:06

Am at airport. 90 minutes before boarding. Am rushing to finish up Aniston, Brange, Best and Worst, and that Shelf Ass of a stupid dress. And some late breaking news re: Amanda Seyfried and Dominic Cooper. Trying my best. Thanks for your patience. And if I pass out when I get home before I finish, please know how sorry I am that I wasn't smarter about booking a more convenient flight. Will be better tomorrow! Yours in gossip, Lainey

The homeless vs the Hiltons! (Dlisted)

Hilary Duff – like Lisa Rinna? (Hollywood Tuna)

Only Halle can make Marchesa palatable (Just Jared)

SI Bar who? (Pop Sugar)

Would you take this over Madge? (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Chicken Fried Gaga? (INO)

RDJ … gay? (Cele|bitchy)

Madge’s man arms but beautiful hair (A Socialite’s Life)

How GOOP does the pick up (ICYDK)

How Rosario Dawson almost never was (IDLYITW)

Oscar Snub: Sean Penn

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 23, 2009 12:09:40 February 23, 2009 12:09:40

You've been emailing about this today: Sean Penn having no time for his wife Robin Wright despite the fact that she seemed overcome by his win. At one point the Academy featured a really sweet camera angle of him in profile with her face in the background...only he seemed like he could care less. Full Story

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Oscar Kate!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 23, 2009 11:45:00 February 23, 2009 11:45:00

So now she has one. How 'bout that whistle from her dad? She was asked in the press room about the criticism she's received from stoic Brits about the emotion she's gushed throughout the course of the season. Her response? I don't give a sh-t. If they can't be happy for one of their own then f-ck 'em. Full Story

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Oscar Inseparable: Daniel & Satsuki

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 23, 2009 11:08:51 February 23, 2009 11:08:51

Word is he’s extremely uncomfortable at these events. Which is why he seems to cling to her for support. It’s very sweet. Not like a limp dick or anything. Just… one person needing another. This isn’t weakness is it? F-ck me. Sleeplessness = Oprahliness. Ugh. Anyway, they made their way down the carpet, reluctant to detach even for a moment, and then as soon as they moved away from the final photo wall towards the steps leading up to the Kodak, he looked at her and they hugged. Full Story

Oscar Thinnification: Victoria Beckham

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 23, 2009 10:41:08 February 23, 2009 10:41:08

Posh! We get it! We’ll never ever question whether or not some yo yo crack whore dieter like Lindsay Lohan is thinner than you…never again. You keep it consistent. You maintain the Skinny. You relentlessly pursue the brink point of emaciation vs survival. You are the Boniest Queen of Them All. Full Story

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Programming Note

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 23, 2009 10:01:32 February 23, 2009 10:01:32

Oscar ratings look to be up between 6 – 10% this year over last, considered a modest success. Twihards are probably taking credit for this. Anyway, I have a flight out of LA this afternoon. And I have to check out soon. Full Story