Thursday, May 22, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Grey Goose put on the best party during Oscar week and Grey Goose did it again last night in Cannes at the Grey Goose Soho House bash that was held in this crazy ass chateau overlooking the Riviera.

You know that scene in Shakespeare in Love, when Will first sees Viola dancing, just after Colin Firth rides up in his horse all pompous and amazingly assy? Remember Essex coming through the gates down a gravel path up to the house?

That was the scene last night. A gravel path illuminated by torchlight that opened up onto a courtyard in front of a stone castle that"s been standing for five centuries.

Seriously, the place was sick and the Grey Goose was free flowing, as was the lobster tail, and the excess, and we were totally pampered, and there was a spectacular view and still I overheard some twat complaining that there were no cigarette girls with tobacco trays slung around their necks offering Marlboros and somehow that made the party less pleasing.

This is how they live. Can you imagine?

Several celebrities were floating about the place. Dylan got totally cockblocked by Julian Lennon which was kinda cool. He was workin" on some girl when the Beatle spawn cut in and took over and later on they exchanged the "dude eye handshake" - Julian acknowledging his foul and Dylan absolving him nonchalantly. Men can be so much more advanced in certain situations, non?

Anyway, Scott Speedman was there - sooooo hot - with his costar Rachel Blanchard and I"m convinced they"re together even though rumours are abuzz that he and Liv Tyler have it going on and Jude Law was somewhere inside and everyone was waiting around for Madonna who, every now and again, likes to drop in at Soho House, but by that point we"d put back several Grey Goose Cannes specials and I couldn"t wait in line for the loo any longer and I hate holding pee so we called it a night but not before running into Rose McGowan who is hobbling around on a broken foot. We shared a moment of gimpy camaderie - I think her pain meds are way better than mine - and Dylan started giving her his infamous vibe and even though her face is crumbling she has the air of a girl who is unforgettable in bed and seeing her last night if my bladder would have cooperated I totally would have pimped Dylan off to find out.

Somehow when we came home, more Grey Goose had materialised which is probably why I woke up this morning with a fine vodka mist hovering around me like the vapor from a superhero movie with its own personality, demanding to be placated by a pick-me-up glass of champagne.

Tonight is our last. It"s also AMFAR, the most f*cked up carpet of all carpets. Madonna is coming so it"ll be even worse. On the opposite end of the fame spectrum, Mischa Barton is expected too. My elbow will seek its revenge.

All the smut from AMFAR and Diddy"s party tonight at VIP Room coming up in late day posts. Final day in Cannes...

Yours in gossip,


Smut Loves the Low Road

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2008 08:30:46 May 22, 2008 08:30:46

Good form would be to refrain from warring publicly. To let the lawyers do the talking, like Paul McCartney, and take the high road. Charlie Sheen doesn"t even know what the high road looks like. Why would he? Especially against a low road whore like Denise Richards...his ex wife? Denise of course is currently out and about promoting that waste of sh*t reality show of hers in which she exploits her girls. Full Story

Hard for Nat in Cannes

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2008 06:45:00 May 22, 2008 06:45:00

My husband as you know has been photo editing for my gimpy arm. I have also lost all internet connection so we"re blogging from the blackberry. As such, he has been scouring photos for me while I write. Suddenly he"s all about the smut. What was a man who couldn"t give a sh-t about the gossip has now become a bonafide Brad Angelina stalker. Full Story

View All 8 Photos

The New Cam

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2008 06:16:08 May 22, 2008 06:16:08

Love this. LOVE. Thought at first it was a costume thing. That Cameron Diaz could not possibly have shaved her head. But photographers insist that she did. That for the sake of authenticity on the set of My Sister"s Keeper, Cam went completely clean. Which takes balls. Which I know I used to say she used to have. Full Story

May 22, 2008 - Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2008 06:10:28 May 22, 2008 06:10:28

From Cannes to Cailin who is getting married - congratulations and all the very best! To Ashley in Lower Alabama - sugah your accent sounds sublime. I"d love to hear it! To Grace from Liz who misses you on mat leave - thrilled for you about Isaac! Congratulations Briar on the promotion! And it was Fisher Price not Power Wheels! Love Morgan Happy 33rd Darcy L from your best bitches Karen and Kelly. Full Story

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Madonna’s new doc, I Am Because We Are, is screening here in Cannes but not officially party of the festival and 700 journalists are trying to get in to the press conference just before. She’s also doing a carpet right before the presentation. We have a spot on that line today and, if I can avoid getting crushed or refracturing my arm, there is a slim chance I might get to talk to Madge. If Shiloh does shine on me once again, I’m going to ask Her Madgesty where to find her kick ass sling. It would make a 4 eyed gimp look slightly less dorky.

Busy day ahead – it never slows down here. Interviews for Atom Egoyan’s Adoration are today including Scott Speedman. Then it’s straight to the Madonna madness, then a kick ass private party at some chateau. All details tomorrow. For now, me and my bum elbow humbly offer you the following… I promise – when I get home, there will be more every day.

Thanks so much again for your understanding, your patience, all your kind messages, the virtual bouquets, and even the hate mail. I love it all.

Yours in gossip,


Madge and Gay Reeshay

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 21, 2008 10:32:45 May 21, 2008 10:32:45

They just arrived. Guy is with her. He"s f*cking hot. But if we"re going to play body language assumption, it just doesn"t feel right. Posing together is almost perfunctory. Or maybe that"s because I"ve just spent a week quivering over Pitt Porn. She does look happy though. And the top of her dress is gorgeous. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 21, 2008 09:04:00 May 21, 2008 09:04:00

Am waiting for Madonna"s red carpet right now.  She"s expected to monter les marches!

In the meantime, Denise Richards is a lying hag and get tingled by my smutty partners.


Get pissed on for $10 (Dlisted)

How Jess is keeping Tony (Hollywood Tuna)

My Rumey pretty in the "Peg! (INO)

Jude downgrades to a green thumb (Holy Moly UK)

Sienna can see again (Cele|bitchy)

Ugly becomes art (Gallery of the Absurd)

How Kate Learned to Play

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 21, 2008 07:04:00 May 21, 2008 07:04:00

The buzz on the Croisette this morning is that Goldie Hawn was spotted at the VIP Room last night openly making out with some dude who was NOT Kurt Russell. Totally not caring who saw her. There"s been word for a while that she also spends quite a bit of time in London getting romantic with a gentleman companion. Full Story

Ebola Desperate to Spread

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 21, 2008 06:18:30 May 21, 2008 06:18:30

Seal your windows and protect your children… this is Ebola Paris Hilton leaving a medical centre yesterday. Rumour has it, she`s been desperate to conceive and is rather frustrated that it hasn`t happened yet. Yes. That f*cking disease is trying to procreate. The world is about to end. On a lighter note, Ebola is still at it with her fragrance enterprise and will be launching a new cologne later this year. Full Story