Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Dear Gossips,

NYC yesterday at Cosmopolitan’s Fun Fearless Male Awards – Dane Cook, Tony Romo, and John Mayer all on the list of seven Fun Fearless Males and at one time or another attached to Jessica Simpson. Whatever.

You know what’s worse? What’s worse is being named a “Fun Fearless Male” and getting an award for it. To me that kind of label sounds like a ball shrinker. Like the only logical dot dot dot at the end of Fun and Fearless would be Limp and Lame. At the very least they could use the word “Man”, non?

And why is Dane Cook still relevant? Are Fun Fearless Males supposed to look this bad in pants??? And are they supposed to have horrible hair? Because Tony Romo has horrible hair. Like hairplug hair. Not sweet.

Tuesday – am blogging all day, remember to refresh!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Oscar contest winner still has not claimed. You will forfeit in 5 days and there are many runners-up…

PPS. Beyonce and Rihanna did not complain about the Rolls in the wrong colour.

PPPS. Matthew McConaughey is not a primadonna boy bitch. Neither is Leonardo DiCaprio.

Paparazzi > Punk Ass Poseur

March 4, 2008 13:42:00 Posted at March 4, 2008 13:42:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Avril Lavigne told Maxim that she hates the paparazzi: “THEY’RE all really gross old men. They come up to you and are like, ‘Avril, what did you do today?’ And I’m like, ‘Why the [bleep] would I talk to you? Eww’ ” Can you hear her saying it in her forever grade 10 voice? So punk ass poseur is all tough and tumble, says she’s not into getting papped… but consider this: - Avril’s tour isn’t selling like it was expected to. Full Story

Rihanna: lessons from Kate Hudson?

March 4, 2008 13:12:57 Posted at March 4, 2008 13:12:57
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Chris Brown loves Rihanna. So much that he apparently bought her an adorably cheesy necklace that she showed off during fashion week. RiRi was the toast of Paris and Chris tagged along too, having already travelled with her home to Barbados and the two have been spotted making out on several occasions even though she keeps denying they’re dating. Full Story

Funny Bitch is the New Black

March 4, 2008 12:09:00 Posted at March 4, 2008 12:09:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Tiny Fey is f&cking brilliant. Her return to SNL last week was the closest I’ve ever come to burning my bra. And this is the best issue of Vanity Fair in a long, long time. Maybe even the best photo spread, like, ever. Way, way, way better than that garbage they threw out last month – the most promising Hollywood starlets with Shelfy Biel on the cover and Ellen Page pushed back the flap… WTF??? Redemption however comes in April. Full Story

My Name is Ebola

March 4, 2008 11:50:18 Posted at March 4, 2008 11:50:18
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You like that show? My Name is Earl? If so, look out. Because it’s about to become a lot more diseased. Just confirmed – Hollywood Ebola will play herself in the season return in April. Perhaps the writers will be clever and subversively nail her ass to the wall like she deserves. Perhaps she’ll be too dumb to understand the true intent behind the script. Full Story

Best.Jess.Ever

March 4, 2008 10:26:44 Posted at March 4, 2008 10:26:44
Lainey Posted by Lainey

With Nick Lachey is tacky ass bad and too much cleave. With John Mayer she wore her pants high-waisted, her face bloated, and everything else tranny. With Tony Romo, ever since Tony Romo, it’s been a whole new Jess. Proof of that is in the hair. The hair has not looked budget or ghetto weaved, not once. Full Story

Prince Charming Minus the Scowl

March 4, 2008 09:04:15 Posted at March 4, 2008 09:04:15
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Patrick Dempsey in Madrid at the launch of the new Subaru wearing the hell outta that suit and a much more relaxed smile without Mrs Scowl infecting him with her lousy mood. He’s expected back on set soon at Grey’s – long days, long nights after a long break which he reportedly enjoyed very much. Full Story

Ebola Shames Shamans

March 4, 2008 08:26:10 Posted at March 4, 2008 08:26:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Not that there was any doubt but there are always one or two random losers… one or two who probably believed yesterday that Ebola’s little public excursion at the weekend with a shaman represented a genuine metamorphosis from virus to redeemable human. Wrong. Paris Hilton will always be a disease. Full Story

Sandra at the Genies

March 4, 2008 07:55:27 Posted at March 4, 2008 07:55:27
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Sandra Oh hosted the Genie Awards last night – Canada’s Oscars. As you can see, she’s been dressing lately like total ass. Big winner was Sarah Polley’s Away From Her but as you might have heard, much of the build-up going in to last night was the omission of Juno from consideration. Full Story

March 4, 2008 – Smutty Shout-outs

March 4, 2008 07:53:14 Posted at March 4, 2008 07:53:14
Lainey Posted by Lainey

For Anna – you will be all kindsa wonderful in Minnesota. I have no doubt. Sending you many positive thoughts and a pep hug. Good luck! Let me know how it goes. For Daniel – Happy Birthday you sexy gay! For Tamara – congratulations. I’m sure it was worth the wait.    Full Story

Monday, March 3, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Thanks for all your messages re:Censorship in Canada and what to do. I wrote to my MP and the PM and the Canadian Heritage Minister. If I was a Facebook user, I’d also join the “group”. It’s apparently several thousand strong and growing every day. Have no idea how to use Facebook so apologies for not being able to direct you there. Another article about the possible ramifications of Bill C-10 can be found here.

Sorry. Enough proselytising…

Time for smut. And Xenu was strong in Toronto this weekend. Plus – two new riddles…and Granny Freeze at her worst!

It’s Monday – online all day, check back often.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Carrie Underwood is a total bitch, yes. But she’s not this total bitch who actually isn"t alone. A dude has now joined the No Talking Club. More on that later.

PPS. The Annual Contest winner has been notified. Three days ago. Don"t you want your prize?