Saturday, May 17, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Good news and bad news. The bad news is I broke my arm. The good news is I survived surgery. And the hospital here in Cannes is like Grey’s Anatomy – hot doctors everywhere. Also everyone here is up on smut. Even the lovely orderly who brought me upstairs knew that the GMD is the GMD.

Am still attached to IV so please give me a day or two to figure out how to move around in this sling and I’ll be back soon. I hope to be back by mid-week to fill you in.

Yours in one-armed gossip,

Lainey

Friday, May 16, 2008

Dear Gossips,

It’s raining in Cannes today. It was supposed to rain yesterday. But not on Angelina’s red carpet. Of course not. The Chosen Sequels certainly saw to that. As such, the rains came today. It is morning, hopefully the clouds will burn off by midday.

As promised in today’s postings: Pitt Porn, Gael Garcia Bernal, and Romo’s downgrade. Interviews lined up with Jack Black and Lucy Liu for Kung Fu Panda and Dustin Hoffman too. Am nervous for that one. He doesn’t seem like the type to have any patience for dumbassness. This might be a problem.

Friday – am blogging between shoots. And also tomorrow and the day after. Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 16, 2008 09:10:00 May 16, 2008 09:10:00

Mad packed sched today but will fill you in when I get back on Sean Penn"s late night adventures and more.

Also - what"s going down with Jess and Romo. For now... Enjoy the smutty partners:

One Night in KFC (Dlisted)

Whose boobs are better? Audrina or Heidi? (Hollywood Tuna)

Sapphic I Do"s (INO)

Ebola infecting Selfridges (Holy Moly UK)

Sit DOWN you ungrateful b*tch! (Cele|bitchy)

Photo Negotiation

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 16, 2008 08:06:00 May 16, 2008 08:06:00

She says she is free and fabulous, embarking on a new chapter in her life, and recently went in for a little touch-me-up in the chest area. Some changes leave things super saggy and the sagging never stops. Which is why she opens up the scar between her tits once a year – a scar that is visible in person but oddly enough, never in photographs. Full Story

French Frenzy for the Party Pitts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 16, 2008 08:03:00 May 16, 2008 08:03:00

It wasn’t quite as f*cked up as it was in Toronto during TIFF but the scene last night as the Pitts were leaving the palais was pretty intense. Many people were waiting for them to come out: paps, civilians, randoms… and they surged forward as the couple approached the car. Full Story

Porn is Sweet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 16, 2008 07:56:00 May 16, 2008 07:56:00

There was a new element to Pitt Porn last night on the Kung Fu Panda Carpet. Something different. Something softer. Something equally as quivering but more sweet than sexy. They put on a show per usual but this time, instead of evoking images of full on headboard banging, leather straps and gymnastics in the bedroom, what emerged instead was an intoxicating illustration of a couple totally in tune and deeply in love. Full Story

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May 16, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 16, 2008 03:38:22 May 16, 2008 03:38:22

Happy Birthday Katie! Heard you’re a bit down without your wheels. It’s probably not a bad thing! What I would give for a shut-in weekend with a good book, a bottle of wine, and just the dog. Feel better and let me know when you’re back on the road! To Carolyn – Happy Birthday! Am so honoured you take my smut with you even into the depths of the Ugandan jungle picking up poop from chimps. Full Story

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Dear Gossips,

The most random night ever.

After the opening gala and the ensuing celebration for Blindness last night, we headed to Nikki Beach. Nikki Beach is a travelling Eurocheese club staple. Super rich dudes who deal in oil and other mystery industries and their Eastern European mail order brides with fake tans, too much gold, tits that are paid for, and an aversion to food. By the end of the night, these f&ckers are spraying each other with champagne. Amazing.

Macy Gray performed, Eva Longoria and Eva Mendes whatever…but the best – the best, best, best in randomness – is that Star Jones showed up. Star f&cking Jones.

WTF?

Even better? She walked in and instead of sniping about the size of her head, Laura and I looked at each other thinking the same thing:

OMFG. She’s thinner than we are.

Laura is tiny. But Star Jones is even smaller. Laura wanted to kill herself. Then she started re-evaluating her life. It was time to go home. Five metres from our flat, Dylan struck up a conversation with a cute Irish boy from Cork who invited us to onto his yacht that was moored at the pier just across the street. He lured Dylan with champagne and beer. An hour later Dylan had found the wingman to his Iceman.

This is Cannes.

And everyone in Cannes can talk of nothing but Angelina’s double deities. The Kung Fu Panda gala is tonight and that carpet will be a sh*tshow. Our first opportunity for Pitt Porn! There’s a rumour circulating around here that she and Brad will be bringing their two boys though Cannes is often about hype over substance. But I don’t post tomorrow, it means I was trampled by Brangelunatics. Right now, the South of France is Mecca to them.

I’m screening Kung Fu Panda this morning. Will keep you posted.

Interviews for Blindness today including Gael Garcia Bernal. Also Kung Fu Panda presser and the big splash tonight.

Thursday – am blogging all day between shoots, screenings, and interviews. Can’t wrap head around time difference. Check back often!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Sit DOWN Eva Longoria!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 15, 2008 13:50:00 May 15, 2008 13:50:00

Put your bony little ass in the car seat and sit the f&ck down! Check out Eva Longoria – who? Eva Longoria – who? Yes… Eva fecking Longoria tonight on the carpet at the Kung Fu Panda premiere trying desperately to divert attention away from the Pitt Porn. Really? Her? Maybe a Hot Harry on a Horse sex tape. Full Story

Sex in Germany

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 15, 2008 13:26:30 May 15, 2008 13:26:30

The girls were in Berlin today promoting Sex & the City. SJP’s dress… holy f&ck. Is it my drunken haze or is that the killer-est dress you’ve ever seen? Her dress is all kinds of sublime. All kinds! In typical Sarah Jessica fashion however she sucked the style out of everyone else. Full Story

Do you like long pants?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 15, 2008 12:59:00 May 15, 2008 12:59:00

Fireworks on the Croisette tonight – real ones and Pitty Porn styles too. It’s one of my favourites about Cannes: the firework display at 10:30pm followed by a rousing chorus of horns from all the surround ships in the harbour. Gives me goosebumps every time. Just like Pitt Porn gives me quivers. Full Story