Keeping Fit for KFed Jr

December 20, 2007 06:54:11 Posted at December 20, 2007 06:54:11
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Little Liam isn’t even a year and already Tori Spelling has worked her way back to pre-baby shape – as you can see, a set of flat abs to go along with the brand new boob job she supposedly gave her husband as a push present. Most women receive push presents in return for their labour pains, but since Tori married a golddigging KFed Jr, she will always be the one doing the giving. Full Story

Spice Kids on Stage

December 20, 2007 06:45:57 Posted at December 20, 2007 06:45:57
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The other night in London – the Spice Girls were joined onstage by their children, with the exception of Ginger’s Bluebell who may be still recovering from chicken pox, all the baby Spices made an appearance including all three Beckham boys wearing t-shirts with POSH emblazoned across the front. Full Story

Robobride Trumps Granny Freeze

December 20, 2007 06:30:18 Posted at December 20, 2007 06:30:18
Lainey Posted by Lainey

New interview with Katie Holmes, Queen Latifah, and Diane Keaton in Parade Magazine and KatE delivers a clinic in MiniVan Majority Fellatio. There’s love, there’s baking, there’s chocolate, there’s children, there’s sisterhood, and of course there is LOVE. All in time for the holidays. Full Story

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Dear Gossips,

I’m sorry I’m so late. Have just just just just arrived in Hong Kong after a 20 hour trip, 14 of those hours spent in the air and another six stuck on the tarmac in Vancouver before take off due to an electrical malfunction and a subsequent flight crew shift change.

Had every intention of making it here without interruption of gossip and apologise for the inconvenience. I know you need your smut, especially since Chicken Fried runs in the family. My thoughts on that are coming.

Am in Hong Kong to spend holidays with my parents – I’ve not seen them since end of September and was actually desperately missing my mother. But 10 minutes after walking in the door, she showed me the new underwear she’d purchased for me without my asking, saying it’s the preferred style of all of the “young girls in Hong Kong”. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that Angelina Jolie would have a hard time squeezing into a pair of these Calvins. You haven’t seen thin until you’ve seen Hello Kitty thin.

What capped it all off however was my mother’s slow downward assessment, with her bifocals perched on the end of her nose, her eyes eventually finding my ass.

Wahhhhh… so fat. Why you make me waste so much money?


And then she stalked off muttering under her breath to my father about how difficult it is to return and exchange things in Hong Kong.

Needless to say, I’m ready to come home.

And I am also ready to blog. Will blog till I pass out if it means she’ll leave me alone. Right now she’s harassing me about dumplings. Just need to scan the headlines and start writing. Please do check back often. And a thousand apologies again for the inconvenience.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Congratulations to Lindsay P for successfully defending her Ph.D in anatomy and cellular biology at Queens University while never missing a day of LaineyGossip. Am SO honoured someone so ridiculously smart is reading my smut. And SOOO thrilled for you about your achievement!

PPS. Shame on you Ian for missing your 5 year anniversary with Kate! Dude… your ass better be grovelling.

PPPS. And congratulations to Nadia from best friend Alida – Nadia delivered a healthy baby boy this morning at 2am called Leo. Great name!

PPPPS. John Travolta is not ordering up young gay fun in his trailer. And Julia Roberts is not on Holiday Detox.

Learn from Brady & Bundchen

December 19, 2007 15:11:25 Posted at December 19, 2007 15:11:25
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Ok now I feel badly for her just a little. Seems like Jessica Simpson can do no right post-divorce. She makes a record, it suck ass. She makes a movie…several movies…they suck ass too. She finds a boyfriend…he pees on her, is embarrassed of her, and breaks up with her because his fans hate her. Full Story

GMD vs Chicken Fried Stupid

December 19, 2007 14:51:02 Posted at December 19, 2007 14:51:02
Lainey Posted by Lainey

December 18th was KatE’s birthday. So of course the GMD took her to Raffles L’Ermitage to celebrate where they could have some privacy. Because that’s where Britney Spears hangs out these days. OF COURSE there’d be no paparazzi. Of course not! Oh and look at KatE’s face – bedhead and sleepy eyes like it was a romantic evening with her totally straight husband lying in the tub with candles. Full Story

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Chicken Fried Pregnant On Purpose?

December 19, 2007 13:34:48 Posted at December 19, 2007 13:34:48
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Have finally cleared inbox and touched base with back home… new information flying in non stop about the Chicken Fried Sibling Pregnancy. Did Jamie Lynn get pregnant on purpose? According to sources, Casey had tried breaking up with her but she kept begging him back. She was allegedly so desperate to keep him – and also, like her sister, so genetically stupid – she stopped taking her pill. Full Story

Contraception is Dead

December 19, 2007 00:00:00 Posted at December 19, 2007 00:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Everyone is pregnant! Lily Allen just announced she’s pregnant too. After spending the better part of the year melting down, smoking cigarettes, arguing with Cheryl Cole over MySpace, getting drunk off her tree, hating her body then starving her body to become super thin super fast, Lily is now also with child…the father is boyfriend Ed Simons of the Chemical Brothers. Full Story

Chicken Fried Babies having Chicken Fried Babies

December 19, 2007 12:42:37 Posted at December 19, 2007 12:42:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Chicken Fried fertility runs in the family. So about Jamie Lynn Spears getting knocked up – information leaking fast and furiously…here’s a quick point form summary before analysis: - she sold her story to OK Magazine with an exclusive interview on her pregnancy and a photo deal when the baby is born, purported to be worth $1 million- Britney did not know about the pregnancy beforehand, you found out when she found out. Full Story

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Dear Gossips,

So I spent part of the afternoon yesterday holed up in the decadent penthouse suite at the Metropolitan Hotel in Vancouver with Taylor Kitsch – Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights. It’s totally what you think.

Ok… it’s not.

But I did interview him for eTalk and He.Is.Perfect. Which explains the Freebie Five entry. Tom Ford is gone. Taylor Kitsch is on. More on that later. Am still recovering.

Congratulations to Anne B, Kathryn B, Catherine S, Nancy M, Ruth H., and Mary P – all winners of the Atonement Giveaway.

Also to Brent R, Hillary B, Leslie C, Meaghan B, and Philip S for Sicko.

And Rachelle M for winning the RBK Prize Pack Giveaway.

Finally to Robin N, Jeff V, Gerrilyn G (where are you??? please reply! DVDs are waiting!), and the grand prize winner Frances M for the Harry Potter Contest including copies of both Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and December Boys.

Click here for more chances to win Harry Potter gear.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Happy 15th Birthday to Peter in Richmond Hill. You’re making this old hag feel honoured that someone so young is enjoying my smut! Brett Favre Forever!

PPS. Happy Birthday also to Rebekah who shares it with Brad Pitt. And 18 is a very lucky number…enjoy it!

PPPS. PROJECT RUNWAY CANADA – the finale was amazing! I don’t watch the US version but I can’t imagine anyone being as fierce as Iman. I worship Iman. And the show is first class. Bring it back for a 2nd season!

PPPPS. Gwen Stefani is not spending holidays on detox. Johnny Depp does not receive trailer visits from young gay video boys.

Poorly Played at the Golden Globes: Best of 2007

December 18, 2007 16:25:30 Posted at December 18, 2007 16:25:30
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Great smut but not the best move for Cameron Diaz. At the Golden Globes last January, Pip and Cam had just announced their break up. Both were scheduled to present at the event. And of course Jessica Biel somehow weaseled her way in too. Objective: to snare a Pipsqueak within the tight grip of her Shelf Ass. Full Story