Monday, November 17, 2008

Dear Gossips

Justin Timberlake should stop making movies. Because his movies suck sh-t. Because he can’t act. He can however perform live. And now that he’s acquired permanent residence in New York, joining Saturday Night Live wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Pippy might be a douchy but always kills it on SNL. And he killed it again this weekend. Video is below but NBC is super lightning stealth about pulling their clips down. Sorry if it’s already gone. Somehow Shelf Ass managed to work her way into his monologue too. Well done Shelfy! Everybody wins! Including Beyonce who was done a disservice by the Mighty Oprah last week when she appeared on the show during the last half hour of the Jennifer Aniston episode…which means her interview and her performance was largely ignored.

Way to go to bat for your girl, Opesy.

How ironic then that it was Lorne who let her shine giving Sasha Fierce ample opportunity to cut her cheese. If Mimi is a block of cheddar, Sasha Fierce is buffalo mozzarella. The finger pointing, the stand-still strut, the eye contact with the camera, the precarious double side tape holding down her breasts, and the f-cking wind machine … cannot get enough of her EXTRA! You can’t take your eyes off of Beyonce’s EXTRA! Her EXTRA is amazing! And the way she flails her EXTRA around on high heels dancing nonstop while remaining in complete control is a day at school for losers like Ashlee Simpson who has the nerve to call herself an artist.

Busy weekend including Bond domination. More on that below and also, exclusive behind-the-scenes squealy details about the Twilight cast visit in Toronto that, yes, involves Robert Pattinson.

Monday – am blogging all day. Check back often.

Yours in gossip,


PS. Justin’s pants. Textbook.

PPS. Seth Meyer’s chair dancing. Yum.

Justin Timberlake Weekend Update

Joel Madden: Marc Anthony syndrome

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 17:00:47 November 17, 2008 17:00:47

It’s like Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. Her beauty makes his ugly less so. At least to me. Same could be said for Nicole Richie and Joel Madden? In fact, lately Joel is almost hot. Or is it because Chris Klein has permanently f-cked up my perspective? Chris Klein. Ew! Here are Joel and Nicole today, shopping for baby clothes hand in hand, appearing happy and in love, and then popping in to Baja Fresh for some grub. Full Story

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GMD > Greasy Combover

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 16:10:23 November 17, 2008 16:10:23

Holy mother of Travolta! Stop violating my eyes! Stop raping my gag reflex! Stop making me choose Tom Cruise! Because the GMD’s white sneaker wedges are infinitely more palatable than Chris Klein’s greasy f-cking combover! Ew! Ew! This is Chris Klein, former fiancé of Katie Holmes at PS Arts Express Yourself 2008 this weekend. Full Story

About Rob and Kristen

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 14:52:00 November 17, 2008 14:52:00

So Twilight was in Toronto on Saturday for an interview up with us at eTalk before heading downstairs to MuchMusic. Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Rachelle Lefevre, and Nikki Reed were greeted by hundreds of hysterical teens and moms drunk on Stephenie Meyer’s sh-tty ass writing… To see more pictures from MuchMusic click here Full Story

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Good Pants, Bad Pants

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 13:29:00 November 17, 2008 13:29:00

Who wears the pants in the relationship? Not sure. But who wears the pants better in the relationship? Definitely him. The Brange in London tonight for a screening of The Changeling. Look at his jeans. Perfect. Now look at her ugly ass sateen pants pulled up to her nursing bra. Fail. She rarely looks bad, even when she’s wearing bad clothes. Full Story

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The Crown Prince of AssTalk

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 12:10:49 November 17, 2008 12:10:49

Katherine Heigl is the Princess. And who is her Prince? Prince. Or the artist formerly known as… or whatever we’re supposed to be calling himself these days. Up until 2 hours ago, I adored him. Would have gone to bed with him. And then, this new interview Full Story

One giant dealbreaker

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 10:55:00 November 17, 2008 10:55:00

I react to Mario Lopez the same way I react to roadkill or Pete Doherty: Ew. Remember when People Magazine named him the Hottest Bachelor? Ew!!!!!!!!! I don’t get it. To me Mario Lopez is head to toe one giant dealbreaker. Full Story

Marriage is easy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 09:31:59 November 17, 2008 09:31:59

It must be, right? Only way to explain why so many of them are marrying. And SO young too. Dating, you see, is apparently dead.Hello, I love you, let’s get married… This is the modern relationship. Next in line for engagement, marriage, then divorce is Kelly Osbourne. She’s been dating a model called Luke Worrall for 6 months and photographed with an engagement ring on her finger. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 09:20:32 November 17, 2008 09:20:32

Please Helen… shut your ass (Dlisted)

This girl is wasted on Three Whiskers Orly Bloom (Hollywood Tuna)

Disney GayFace loves gadgets (Just Jared Jr)

Year after year it’s the same show (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Why Dallas won last night (Pop Sugar)

Another twats wants to act (Holy Moly)

Kate Beckinsale recycles, Victoria Beckham embarrassed for her (INO)

Why couldn’t this have been me??? (Cele|bitchy)

Johnny in Wonderland! (ICYDK)

Shelfy the stripper (IDLYITW)

Fun with Mom and Dad

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 08:47:10 November 17, 2008 08:47:10

Victoria Beckham took her youngest son Cruz to the Saks on Friday because he like really, really wanted to go shopping in his little Robin costume. Don’t all 3 year old boys? He likes it when mummy buys new shoes, see? Then it was off to the Laker game, courtside with his dad and brothers. Seriously. Full Story

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Gemini Exclusive Swag Bag Giveaway!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 08:40:36 November 17, 2008 08:40:36

Celebrate Canadian television at the Gemini Awards! And Brandon Walsh is hosting! Yes, Jason Priestly is hosting the Gemini Awards on November 28th in Toronto in the John Bassett Theatre to be televised on E! and Showcase that night at 8pm. As always, celebrity guests mean celebrity gifts… FOR YOU! We are giving away one (1) Gemini Swag bag – the same ones that will be given to VIPs who attending the Geminis. Full Story