Tabloid Wars : The Pitt Wedding

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:23:47 March 31, 2008 06:23:47

The source was Star Magazine – the always, always reliable Star Magazine. The same magazine that slaps a Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie break up story on their cover every other week. Star Magazine broke the news on Saturday that the Pitts had wed in New Orleans. Full Story

What Happens in Vegas is a Busted Face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:17:00 March 31, 2008 06:17:00

Big fan of Cam these days, especially post-Pip, but this new movie What Happens in Vegas, it’s doing nothing for her. Nothing. Seriously. Watch the trailer. Ashton Kutcher looks f*cking hot. Cam absolutely not. As in her face is totally busted. Not unlike the way it was on Saturday at Kids’ Choice where she received the Wannabe Award. Full Story

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America Gorgessity

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:13:00 March 31, 2008 06:13:00

Not crazy about the prom dress, or the shoes for that matter, but it really is no matter because with a face this warm and lovely, and sweet brown eyes that actually have a brain behind them, and full healthy locks that are NOT her best quality (because, as mentioned, she is capable of cognitive reasoning – a rarity among young stars), and beautiful curves proudly displayed, America Ferrera is almost always a vision. Full Story

B Who?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:10:00 March 31, 2008 06:10:00

This is what happens when Tina Knowles DOESN’T dress you. Rihanna! Rihanna would totally sit atop the girl crush list if not for gay math. Because Rihanna is only 20. As far as styling is concerned though, Rihanna is killing it. Killing. It. Pretty, boring dresses can come later. When you are this young and this fresh and r&b pop’s reigning princess, you can most certainly wear a polka dot bustier and parachute trousers and heels that beg for scandal and green nail polish, though the fake nails suck ass. Full Story

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The Generic Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:06:00 March 31, 2008 06:06:00

Not that Ashlee Simpson isn’t pretty. Because she is. Really pretty. But also pretty ordinary. Particularly because of the ordinary nose. Everyone orders this nose. It’s the most popular nose on the menu. A nose that has rendered her face kinda like every other face. Just ask Ashley Tisdale. Full Story

But for the GMD…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:04:00 March 31, 2008 06:04:00

Will Smith is every kind of perfect. But for the GMD. And it’s not the maybe gaybe, but the fraud of the maybe gaybe. The fraud of the maybe gaybe and the friendship with the little fraud. Because if Will Smith was a definitely gaybe, and openly definitely gaybe, Will Smith would be eve more perfect. Full Story

How Much Effort…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:02:00 March 31, 2008 06:02:00

Do you think it takes the Alba Bitch to smile? And to hide her crusty ass from the children? Under these circumstances, at the Kids’ Choice Awards, she must be grinding her teeth to the point of a migraine. Bet your boob job Cash Warren received a tongue lashing that night. For overflow. Like using a breast bump. Full Story

A Veteran at 18

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 05:58:15 March 31, 2008 05:58:15

She might be headed for rough waters, but right now Miley Cyrus can still totally pass for teen. Hayden Panettiere on the other hand hasn’t looked like a teen in two years. Which is totally cool for a 30 year old…only Hayden isn’t a 30 year old but an 18 year old. And take it from someone who saw 30 four years ago – looking young never gets old. Full Story

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History Repeats Itself

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 05:52:00 March 31, 2008 05:52:00

Once upon a time, not too long ago, a longhaired pretty teen became the toast of the town, with a hit movie, a recording contract, and a too blonde, too orange mother-manager overseeing her career. Pretty soon she was living at the Chateau Marmont, dating boys much much older, had developed an eating disorder, and in the year 2007 alone, was the proud graduate of not one, not two, but three substance abuse treatment programs. Full Story

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March 31, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 05:47:36 March 31, 2008 05:47:36

Congratulations Christina on the promotion! Full Time Regular sounds amazing. Congratulations to Kelly D on the birth of her third – Tate Michael – last week. Rich says you were a total “rock star” the entire time. Of course you were! Happy 30-something birthday to Rione, the Queen of blind items, from your friends Anne and Kaili who are much impressed by your persistence and online sleuthing skills. Full Story

Friday, March 28, 2008

Dear Gossips,

A meeting with the head of Disney earlier this week and a very public lunch
with Sumner Redstone yesterday at the Polo Lounge – what does the GMD have up his sleeve?

As you probably recall, Redstone, who chairs Viacom which payrolls Paramount, dumped Tom unceremoniously after he brought the crazy out 3 years ago. Clearly they’ve buried the hatchet and, most importantly, want everyone else to know it.

Never count out the GMD. He’s as resilient as Hollywood Ebola Paris Hilton.

Finally it’s Friday. Am online all day, check back often!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. He is not holding Marion Cotillard. Or Eva Mendes. And not Heidi Montag who will never need to be the subject of a riddle. Why bother?