Lilo Territorial

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 22, 2008 06:22:00 April 22, 2008 06:22:00

Easy girl… Obviously relapse makes a girl nasty. And aggressive. And overprotective of her p&ssy! Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have been inseparable for weeks. Lilo has been following Samantha from LA to NYC on dj gigs and word is, when Ashley Olsen stopped by to say hello to Ronson this weekend, Lilo tore the twin Full Story

The Son of the GMD is the Son of Will

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 22, 2008 06:19:00 April 22, 2008 06:19:00

Connor Cruise has caught the acting bug and will be joining the family business. Connor has just signed on to Seven Pounds alongside the GMD’s BFF Will Smith and will play Will’s son, making all of their lives further intertwined. Full Story

April 22, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 22, 2008 06:17:17 April 22, 2008 06:17:17

Happy Birthday Carrie with love, love, love from your best girl Catherine! Happy Quarter of a Century Myae! Love your big sista, Hyedie. PS. The beagle pic was adorable. For Lisa and Jenn…Lala told me what happened. Am sending you my best with a big hug and am thanking Xenu too. There can be miracles. Full Story

Monday, April 21, 2008

Dear Gossips,

There’s a woman in Calgary who’s been reading this site almost from the very beginning, when it was just a newsletter, before it became a blog, and well before the GMD lost his sh*t on Oprah’s couch. Back then it was harder to argue with the MiniVan Majority, with his fans, with ladies who, sadly, grew up with no gaydar, about their ardent affection for the Xenu-loving freak.

As you know, times have changed.

The GMD has unravelled spectacularly before our very eyes and anyone with even a rudimentary appreciation of pop culture is probably very familiar with his brand of crazy. Since then, the cheers have been muffled, the loins have been stilled, and the gays are shrinking away in rejection. They don’t want him either.

But through it all, if you can believe it, this reader in Calgary, of whom I am most fond, still lists Tom atop her Freebie Five. Still she defends his beliefs, his looks, his marriage, his acting. Still she remains stalwart in her support. Still she quivers for his razor teeth and ill-fitting pants.

But the question is: can her quiver continue for a manfreak wearing too-short jeans and white sneaker wedges??? WEDGES!!! WHITE SHOE LIFTS! Call me Cruise, but not even his amazingness himself, Tom Ford, could get away with WHITE SNEAKER SHOE LIFTS. No.F&cking.Way.

Seriously. Katie Holmes HAS to be hypnotised. Or lobotomised. Because no sane woman with her senses about her could share a bed with the GMD and his camel toe.

Monday – blogging all day, check back often.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Brad Arnold (3 Doors Down) did not abandon his wife and kids for a cyber slut. Neither did Raine Maida.

PPS. Hayden Panettiere isn’t blowing takes.

Happiest Couple Alive

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 21, 2008 15:39:07 April 21, 2008 15:39:07

I know it’s only Monday and we usually play the Photo Assumption Game on Fridays but this one was too good to pass up. It’s Patrick Dempsey and his wife, Scowlface, at a screening of Made of Honour today in London. They look thrilled, non? Like… totally so happy to be married. Anyone looking at this photo is probably rushing out to get married now. Full Story

Putting BigMouth to good use

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 21, 2008 13:00:53 April 21, 2008 13:00:53

It’s Tony Romo’s birthday today and he celebrated this weekend in Dallas at a club called Suite with his bombshell by his side. Jessica Simpson serenaded her man and then helped him eat his cake, using her well-trained tongue (thank you Johnny Knoxville) to lick the cream off his lips. Full Story

Young Boys Like Wonky Tits

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 21, 2008 11:36:41 April 21, 2008 11:36:41

LOVE that Whitney is Bobby-free. LOVE that she is getting her younger man fix. Am all over the younger man fix. Within legal limits of course. As for the Gay Math limits… well Ray J comes in two years underneath the threshold. Full Story

Head to Toe Gwyneth

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 21, 2008 10:49:20 April 21, 2008 10:49:20

My Gwyneth in Paris today starting promotion for Iron Man clad head to toe in designer apparel that was probably packaged and delivered wrapped in a bow right to her doorstep. No charge. Remember, my girl is on a list of very, very few privy to Nicolas Ghesquière’s newest creations at Balenciaga. Full Story

Please Take Her Picture!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 21, 2008 08:37:00 April 21, 2008 08:37:00

Perhaps second to only Heather Mills, not many women are as universally despised as Denise Richards, which is why it’s baffling that any network would give her her own reality tv show. A show in which she will gratuitously pimp her children so as to more effectively fellate the MiniVan Majority. Full Story

Thoughts on 14?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 21, 2008 08:12:00 April 21, 2008 08:12:00

I’m mad at Colby P but he brings up a very interesting discussion point: That white hot naughty Gossip Girl cover for New York Magazine – you will note, Taylor Momsen who plays little Jenny is stripped down and full of temptation. But she’s only 14. She was born in 1993. 1993!!! Is it the industry? Or is it the f&cking stage parents? Discuss. Full Story