My Gwyneth: there for Madonna

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 18, 2008 07:16:50 March 18, 2008 07:16:50

Madge and my Gwynnie hooked up last night in London for dinner at Locanda Locatelli amid rumours that, despite assurances to the contrary, she and Guy are, for all intents and purposes, totally over. At issue, apparently, is that Madonna found out  Full Story

Granny Freeze: Photoshoot at the Beach

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 18, 2008 06:47:00 March 18, 2008 06:47:00

So Granny’s bodyguard beat the sh*t out of a photographer last week and not a word of it in any of the papers or the weeklies. Coincidence or conspiracy? Consider this: Nicole Kidman is super tight with Rupert Murdoch. Full Story

March 18, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 18, 2008 06:44:25 March 18, 2008 06:44:25

Happy 32nd Birthday to Shannon F in Saskatoon! To Haley – congratulations on Waterloo! This will pass. I’ve seen your photo, read about your accomplishments… this WILL pass. Love the Mother/Daughter Smut Brigade! For Mark – thrilled to hear you’re better. And if anyone is having Tom Ford’s babies, it’s me bitch! Full Story

Monday, March 17, 2008

Dear Gossips,

March Madness… can you taste it? And did you taste Mimi’s cheese on SNL? Seriously… Mimi’s cheese was stronger and more pungent than ever. My husband and I kept trying to look up her skirt which was, maybe, just maybe, 7 inches long.

Click here to touch her body. Click here to watch her show off her funny cheese with Jonah Hill and Bill Hader. And attached – Mariah in full cheese posing for the paps at the afterparty. Mimi Cheese makes my life.

Monday – online all day, check back often.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Heads up Calgary – gossip party during Juno lead-up is coming together!!! Details to come later this week… but first the date. The date is Thursday, April 3rd. You comin’???

PPS. Isla Fisher is not blowing and dashing. The singing bitch with complaints is not Celine Dion. Jean-Claude Van Damme is not gay and broke but he totally could be, though at the very least his aggressive hustling has apparently been dialed down.

Her Madgesty’s “Joyful” Marriage

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 17, 2008 14:59:05 March 17, 2008 14:59:05

After weeks of UNtogetherness, even on a few very meaningful, important occasions, Madonna’s long serving publicist Liz Rosenberg has just released the following statement: "I am delighted to confirm that Mr. Full Story

The Perils of a Pimp Mom

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 17, 2008 13:39:00 March 17, 2008 13:39:00

This is what happens when your mother is more interested in pimping you than she is in raising you. Not only do you become a drug addict, so used and loose at only 21 that even the p*ssy posse wants nothing to do with you wants nothing to do with you Full Story

Me on Becks

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 17, 2008 12:42:28 March 17, 2008 12:42:28

Sorta. Becks has a new tattoo. In Chinese. I can speak it, but the only thing I can read and write are names of movie stars. As such, according to Page Six: “The tattoo is written in traditional Mandarin Chinese and is an old Chinese proverb that says: "Death and life have determined appointments, Riches and honors depends upon heaven. Full Story

Colin and Lily Cole?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 17, 2008 12:23:00 March 17, 2008 12:23:00

They’re both shooting The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus and my sources say they’ve hooked up on a few occasions… no working involved. First, at the Vancouver Aquarium – kinda cute for a first date. Except that he had an entourage accompanying him. And then seen last week, late at night, heading into her hotel room. Full Story

Perv On Someone Your Own Age!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 17, 2008 12:00:03 March 17, 2008 12:00:03

They are starring in a new movie together called Pathology – here promoting it at Wizard World in LA at the weekend. The preternaturally preserved Alyssa, now 35, doesn’t look a day over 25. Much more suitable for Milo, 31, who’s been creepy perving on that little Lolita Hayden Panettiere. Full Story

Ass > Babies?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 17, 2008 11:37:00 March 17, 2008 11:37:00

Now THAT is an ass. And it belongs to Jennifer Aniston, enjoying her day off in Miami by doing what she does best, sunning herself in Miami but thankfully not shouting at the ocean. Jen’s in a much better place these days. But that ass. That ass. Her hair and her ass. The only two things she can lord over Angelina Jolie. Full Story

No Country for Old Men DVD Giveaway!!!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 17, 2008 11:35:00 March 17, 2008 11:35:00

Available now on DVD, this year’s reigning Best Picture winner directed by the Coen Brothers, with Oscar winner Javier Bardem (yum, but not in the film), Josh Brolin, and Tommy Lee Jones. It’s a brilliant film… but did Joel and Ethan have to be so glib??? Maybe they’re just too smart for us. Full Story