Friday, October 17, 2008

Dear Gossips,

My mother spent 48 hours this week stressing out about her gynecological report. They called on Tuesday, said the doctor urgently needed her to come in on Thursday before he leaves for holiday … Never a good sign. When she arrived though, they were puzzled to see her. Apparently it ended up being a clerical error.

As you would expect, the Squawking Chicken was too elated with relief to pull out the full might of her chicken squawk and punish them for their error. As I should expect, by the end of the whole ordeal, it’s me who’s out several hundred dollars and a trip to Niagara Fallsview Casino (because the slot games are the most interactive there) as a “make me feel better” present for something that wasn’t wrong in the first place.

In other words, I am paying for their incompetence.

My mother, meanwhile, is treating the experience as though it were a new lease on life. After surviving kidney failure, a kidney transplant (touch wood), and now an almost gynecological clerical scare, she truly believes she’s now one of the enlightened few…which brings me to my point:

She should start writing for GOOP, non?

I posted late in the day yesterday – please scroll down to get caught up.

It’s Friday! Yay! New articles all day! Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Victoria Beckham did not install a lap band. Knowing her she probably did the drastic gastric.

Hot Harry on a Horse…on a motorbike!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 13:13:34 October 17, 2008 13:13:34

Vroom vroom…yum yum! It’s f&cking pouring here in Vancouver. It’ll pour here for the next 5 months. Am thankful for a little hot Harry to lift my soggy spirits. Hot Harry hopped on a bike today to participate in the Enduro Africa 2008 Motorcycle Rally to benefit UNICEF, Sentebale and the Nelson Mandela Children's Fund in South Africa. Full Story

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What it’s like to meet Johnny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 12:40:06 October 17, 2008 12:40:06

I’ve been fortunate enough during my time with eTalk to have the opportunity to interview and observe celebrities, to exchange war stories with journalists, to have a glimpse at what it’s like behind the People Magazine bullsh-t…and as you’ve probably gleaned from this column, assy celebrity behaviour is not the exception but almost the rule, and more often than not, it’s not shocking when they’re dicky, but it is when they’re nice. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 12:05:20 October 17, 2008 12:05:20

What Jen brought for her sleepover (Dlisted)

Try a size larger!!! (Hollywood Tuna)

Carb Face looks wee in London (Just Jared)

Katy Bails (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Did not choose body over baby (Pop Sugar)

Chris Martin’s inferiority complex (Holy Moly)

JailBait sleeps over too! (INO)

Princess Asstalk to adopt? (Cele|bitchy)

Is she also pregnant in her lips? (The Blemish)

I’ll take Andy over Marky (IDLYITW)

Lost in a corn maze

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 11:06:51 October 17, 2008 11:06:51

Last weekend wasn’t the same…and you know why? Because there was no Tina. No new Tina on SNL playing Sarah Palin. This weekend it’s a brand new Saturday Night Live with Josh Brolin hosting and it has been OFFICIALLY confirmed: Sarah Palin WILL appear on the show! Which means Sarah Palin will be going up against the better version of herself played by the incomparable, the amazing, the brilliant Tina Fey. Full Story

The bastard brings the quiver

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 10:51:37 October 17, 2008 10:51:37

Damn. One of the first photos of Brad Pitt in costume in Inglorious Bastards as Aldo Raine, a rough son of a bitch who gets it done “hillbilly” styles and makes no apologies. Moistness! It’s the way he wears clothes, you know? And how he holds his body. There may be men who are prettier, or taller, and certainly there are much better actors, those who are more articulate more talented, ore persistent, more deserving… but even if you hate him, it’s also undeniable: Brad Pitt has had “IT” for 20 years. Full Story

The youngest of them all…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 10:00:00 October 17, 2008 10:00:00

It’s Wonder Woman! Lynda Carter showed up at the launch of some video game yesterday. A lot of stars actually showed up for the launch of that video game. Video gaming is a lucrative business these days…perhaps even more than movie making. Sorry, I digress. Wonder Woman used to be my life. Full Story

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Her friends suck too?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 08:36:20 October 17, 2008 08:36:20

It’s already been well established: Jessica Simpson has no friends. The ones she does have suck ass. Same goes for Jennifer Aniston? OK! is reporting exclusively that there was a sleepover last night at John Mayer’s. Full Story

Express Yourself…by shutting your ass

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 08:07:08 October 17, 2008 08:07:08

It’s a universal truth well illustrated recently by someone like Keira Knightley: there are no thoughts more wise, more profound, more deeply f-cking original than the thoughts that are thought by those in their early 20s. And if it happens to be an actor, that depth is even more pronounced. No injustice is more unjustified, no drama more dramatic, no opinion more unimpeachable than that of a young actress in Hollywood…not unlike an indignant university sophomore, it’s pointless to argue but so amusing to observe. Full Story

You are not Tom Ford

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 07:28:01 October 17, 2008 07:28:01

Or Olivier Theyskens. Or Stella McCartney. Or even… gasp!... Victoria Beckham. Because while Victoria can’t come up with her own good sh*t, she at the very least knows which good sh*t to copy and call her own. Katie Holmes on the other hand just pulls it out of her robotic little head. But just because it’s original doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. Full Story

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October 17, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 17, 2008 07:01:10 October 17, 2008 07:01:10

Happy 30th Birthday Christina! Have fun at Madonna on Sunday – an amazing way to kick off a new decade! For Samantha – wishing you well tomorrow on your wedding day! Congratulations!  Full Story