Chicken Fried No Show

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 00:00:00 December 12, 2007 00:00:00

Stupid stupid stupid. Britney Spears was scheduled to show up in court today to be deposed by KFed’s lawyer as part of their ongoing custody battle. She would have been grilled on drug use and suspect parenting techniques and how much sex she’s been having with random men. Big surprise…. Full Story

Beckham Porn in Vegas

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 11:29:24 December 12, 2007 11:29:24

Monday night, perhaps immediately following her interview with Larry King, according to Vegas reporters Posh tagged along with Becks to a peeler bar called Spearmint Rhino. Everyone in the establishment apparently lost their sh*t. But of course they did. Who wouldn’t want to get with Becks. Or both? Word is they were ensconced inside a private room for 3 long hours doing … no one knows what. Full Story

Long Rumey for the Holidays

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 10:20:46 December 12, 2007 10:20:46

Oh Rumey. With the short hair it’s at least not generic. With the long locks – well, suffice to say, unfortunate is an understatement. But hey – my girl somehow famewhored herself back on to People online. Am so proud. Here’s Rumer Willis showing off some new extensions last night just before the holidays and a short month before her turn as Miss Golden Globe. Full Story

Denzel and Long Leather Oprah

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 10:09:49 December 12, 2007 10:09:49

When Oprah likes you…No, when Oprah LOVES you…she throws her full might behind whatever it is that you’re selling, leading her lambs to your project and guaranteeing smash hit success. Just ask Jessica Seinfeld. This weekend it was Barack Obama. Last night it was Denzel Washington at the premiere of The Great Debaters, a film he directed in which he also stars. Full Story

They Don’t Make ‘Em…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 00:00:00 December 12, 2007 00:00:00

Like they used to. There will be young gossips coming to this site today who’ll take one look at the photos, note it’s Jack Nicholson…and quickly move on. Ugh, they’ll say. Who cares? And then it’s back to The Hills, the Lauren Conrads, the Brody Jenners, the High School Musicals… the Laurens and the Zac Efrons and so many other tv twats and Hollywood skanks who can barely communicate thought into coherent, grammatically correct sentences and who almost never have anything interesting to say. Full Story

Lilo & the Chicken Fried Faux Father

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 08:03:01 December 12, 2007 08:03:01

First things first – kudos to Lindsay Lohan for maintaining sobriety out of rehab. Hopefully it will continue over the holidays? But what of the company she’s keeping? The good news is Lilo is working. The bad news is she’s singing again. And what’s worse, she’s recording with that loser JR Rotem who produced a few of Britney’s tracks and who claimed he fathered her non-existent child. Full Story

Her Madgesty is a Yoga Bitch

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 07:26:15 December 12, 2007 07:26:15

It’s Madonna. Of course she’s demanding. Of course she doesn’t want to be insulted by your presence. Especially not when she’s working out. So Madonna and family are currently spending time in New York. As you know, she’s a fitness freak and dropped in for a yoga session at the Reebok Sports Club Saturday morning. Full Story

Down Boy!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 07:10:48 December 12, 2007 07:10:48

It’s one thing to show up with his big ass teeth and shoelifts to support his gaycrush in LA…it’s another to follow him across the country to walk the red carpet. But the GMD’s loins were afire and sometimes the quiver is too compelling. After all, this is Will Smith. Plus – Will Smith will own the box office this holiday season. Full Story

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Will & Jada light up New York

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 00:00:00 December 12, 2007 00:00:00

Love(d) them. So much. Wanted badly to believe. But then the unmistakable signs started surfacing. And you know their children are apparently homeschooled with L Ron Hubbard’s “Study Technology” right? Just saying… to those who still remain sceptical… if that doesn’t clinch it for you, what else does? But still… looking at them, and their chemistry together, it’s hard not to want the chills, chills, chills and the gaygay rumour mill to go far, far away. Full Story

Alba Bitch Breeding!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 12, 2007 00:00:00 December 12, 2007 00:00:00

In all fairness, it’s been a kinder, gentler Jessica Alba of late. This is a girl who, once upon a time, stormed up and down Robson Street in Vancouver terrorising retailers, allowing her dog to piss and sh*t anywhere it wanted without cleaning up her own mess. My favourite Alba Bitch story though is from the set of Good Luck Chuck – she had finished shooting a scene and was sitting on a chair as a crew member walked by at which point she looked at him, lifted her leg and said: You can take my boots off now. Full Story

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Posh on Larry King Live – did you watch? Amazing how one person can keep her chin dipped at the same angle towards camera, even while talking, for almost an hour. At one point, near the end, she went off on a long rant about how hard she works, being the “creative director” for DVB and all, repeating the fact that she’s “creative director” at every opportunity. This is when I lost my sh*t. Because Larry stopped listening. He may have even nodded off. Was priceless. The woman is so far up her own ass, it’s endlessly amusing.

As for whether or not she’s pregnant – she made a point of, just before insisting she doesn’t read tabloids, announcing that LaLa Beckham is not on her way, even though some hardcore fans are adamant that Geri told the audience “she’s pregnant!” on stage during one of the Spice shows last week. To me it sounds like she’s saying “She’s Mrs Beckham!” – click here for the clip.

The Spices tour until April. Which means that if she actually were expecting, she’d be well showing before the end… and if you recall, while she was carrying Cruz, Victoria covered up the entire time. She does not like being seen looking any less than a size double 0. So would the disciplined Victoria Beckham, who controls her diet with an iron stomach, who is vain beyond vain – would Victoria Beckham actually wear maternity clothing on stage?

Not the Victoria I know.

Thursday, online all day, refresh refresh refresh!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Congratulations to Susie on getting engaged… under the Christmas tree!

PPS. And to Em from Nat who loves you even though she doesn’t get Harry Potter. WTF???

PPS. My Gwyneth is NOT on Holiday Detox. Neither is Kate Winslet. And not Jennifer Garner either.