Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Sorry about the late start. Site issues this morning… am now blogging furiously!

Another day…another Gwyneth! So far it’s been a great week! Gwyneth walked the carpet again last night and, surprise!, was rather forthcoming when asked about her children, explaining that little Moses just celebrated his 2nd birthday and that she was just coming from his Mexican themed birthday party. Moses apparently “loves guacamole. There were no presents though because “his daddy” isn’t around and they’ve decided to wait until they can all be together.

She always does this. She almost NEVER says Chris’s name publicly. It’s always “my husband” or “Apple’s daddy”. In her mind, somehow this keeps the distance, the formality, so as to keep the rest of us at arm’s length when it comes to private life. My Gwyneth is amazingly insufferable.

All this, of course, was told to You know her new movie Iron Man is coming out in 3 weeks, right?

It’s Wednesday – will be posting all day. One more swag giveaway to come so check back often!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Thanks for all of your kind messages re: the Junos. And thanks to my trainer Hayley McGowan for getting me ready for the Junos. Am still not where she wants me to be but she kicks my ass three times a week and all of a sudden I’ve increased my running distance by 25% and doubled my plank time mostly because I can’t escape her. Every other day she comes to me. Knocks on my door, drags me out to the park, hauls the gear out her car, and judges me until I work hard. As a result, my bum is a little smaller. This is all that matters, non? Besides, she’s also ridiculously attractive which, for a petty bitch like me, also provides much motivation. If you’re looking for fitness change-up, click here, give Hayley a call. You will love her.

PPS. The GMD is not holding down his Robobride.

PPPS. Miss Cranky is not Sandra Bullock. Or Scarlett Johansson. Or Reese Witherspoon. But that’s close…sort of.

Indeed the new Brenda

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 9, 2008 12:12:29 April 9, 2008 12:12:29

I went out last night with my friend Dean. For some reason during the course of our conversation, we agreed that our new motto is: If you’re not a Brenda, I don’t want to know you. Remember when Brenda left and Valerie came on the show and smoked pot right off the top? Weak. Brenda never had to resort to a gimmick to come off as a bitch. Full Story

Love Hard, Pose Hard

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 9, 2008 10:43:00 April 9, 2008 10:43:00

Renee Zellweger with George Clooney in Rome for Leatherheads. As you can see, Renee is posing her SnapFace off… and hard. Hard as in with a lot of effort. Hard as in rigid. Hard as in unnatural. I’ve seen her pose on a few occasions, just a foot or two away. She practically breaks into a sweat. Full Story

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Naked in New York

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 9, 2008 09:58:55 April 9, 2008 09:58:55

Hold on to your pervy loins – Daniel Radcliffe will be getting naked again, this time for the benefit of American audiences. Can you stand it? Dan is reprising his role in Equus for Broadway which means there will be a gay pilgrimage to the Great White Way come September. Full Story

Server Problems

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 9, 2008 09:40:59 April 9, 2008 09:40:59

I know you hate my server today. I hate it today too! We are working to accommodate the extra visits. Am so sorry about the inconvenience.  Begging your patience and forgiveness... will sort it all out ASAP. Thank you, love you, owe you. Lainey    Full Story

The Unfunny Host

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 9, 2008 08:58:00 April 9, 2008 08:58:00

Mike Myers will host the MTV Movie Awards as part of the promotional lead-up to the release of The Love Guru. No doubt, his spoof clips will be hilarious. For the viewer that is. The real question though – will they be hilarious for the people working on them? Or will they have to overcome the monumental difficulty of producing the features without actually looking at or talking to their star? What??? But Mike is Canadian! Canadians are NEVER douchebags… right? Please. Full Story

Becoming Blythe

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 9, 2008 08:55:50 April 9, 2008 08:55:50

Gwyneth attended a breast cancer event last night representing Estee Lauder which is why Liz Hurley and her bulbous nose were there too. As you can see, Gwyneth is becoming her mother, Blythe Danner, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…except that Blythe is in her 60s. Sigh. My girl is losing her mojo. Full Story

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April 9, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 9, 2008 08:41:07 April 9, 2008 08:41:07

Happy Birthday Brandi! Have a great time today – I know there’ll be a celebration at Koerner’s today and Brenda is sending you lots of love. Sorry it can’t be a blow out because of exams but then again, you have all summer (and a brilliant legal career ahead) for that! Big hug and enjoy the rest of your week! Full Story

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Dear Gossips,

After denying it in December, and after squeezing more money out of E!, Pamela Anderson is indeed getting her own reality tv show. Word is Pam is hard up for cash, you see. She might be wealthy compared to us, but she’s practically a pauper compared to the people she rolls with. Which is why she’s always living off others, paid to do the bidding of a billionaire at his party, paid to walk a red carpet for a new Vegas club… this is what happens to those whose only talents are purchased and attached to their chests.

And worst still – Pam is getting OLD. All those nights of being ganged are starting to take hold on her face. Because Pam has looked rough for a while now, which is why she needs to work while her she can still trade on the MEMORY of sexy, as opposed to the reality these days that she is actually terribly UNsexy.

As for what we’ll see exactly on this show – probably NOT her nights of hard living. Too bad. Every smutlover should be treated with the sight of a hung over Pam coming down from a night of debauchery. It’s the most amazing thing ever.

Tuesday – am home, am online all day. Calgary gossip night photos on the way and swag giveaways and riddles too. Remember to refresh!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Kate Beckinsale is not cranky. Also not Katherine Heigl. And not Jennifer Aniston either.

Jess + Ken

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 8, 2008 16:12:00 April 8, 2008 16:12:00

Thank you Ken Paves! It’s been a long time since Jessica Simpson was let loose – how lovely of Ken to amuse us by bringing her out. Can you think of one client who actually looks good after leaving his chair??? How does he stay in business??? Here are Jessica and Ken at a photo shoot for their cheap ass weave, manufactured of course for the same folks to who rock long fake nails and still wear their nude liner 2 shades darker than the lipstick. Full Story