Friday, December 7, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Barbara Walters got it right…OF COURSE JK Rowling had to top the Most Fascinating List. Curious though that she couldn’t get an interview, that Babs’s #1 was the only person on the list who did not appear on the show. Maybe Jo hates that old hag? Maybe Posh now hates that old hag too? Because the lighting was terrible, non?

But still…the most interesting profile piece had to be the Beckhams. For Victoria. Said it before, will say it again: I could watch her all day. Every day. It’s her absurdity, you know? It’s the over-camp (is that possible?), it’s the way she can’t relax, even while seated on a couch, the way she and David had to cross arms over each other, hands strategically gripped on each other’s thighs. Being Mrs Beckham takes sacrifice. I love her because she doesn’t make it look easy. I love her because she is so desperate to make you look period.

And vanity aside, Posh is also terribly engaging. Perhaps we North Americans don’t have as sophisticated a sense of humour as you Brits who hate her so, but Victoria.Is.Funny. She’s colourful, she’s amusing…laugh with her, laugh AT her, whatever. Bitch cracks me up. And I know she cracks you up too – don’t lie.

Favourite part of interview? Definitely when Barbara asked her: you’re so thin! Do you eat a cookie, do you ever enjoy a piece of chocolate cake?

I could almost hear Posh thinking, thinking about whether or not she should lie. And in the end she decided not to, replying simply: No. And I’ll take this over the rest of them skinny bitches who claim to indulge whenever they want and maintain size 0. Victoria never indulges. As f&cked up as that is, at least she doesn’t lie about it.

Here they are last night at Mint, showing up to support Sporty Mel C who played a small solo gig for an audience of only 75 that also included Mel B and her creepy husband. Apparently the Beckhams touched each other all night, arms and legs constantly entangled, he stroking her shoulders and waist, her hands not straying far from his ass. Beckham Porn. Yum!

Friday, am posting all day, come back often! Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Condom-free Sleaze is not is not John Mayer.

Dina Lohan Finger Follies: Best of 2007

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 11:42:05 December 7, 2007 11:42:05

Remember this? Not for the prudish – consider yourself warned. At the beginning of the year, Page Six reported that Dina Lohan was making out hardcore with some dude in the middle of the restaurant and that he was manually stimulating her underneath a table napkin…do you LOVE it??? Parental Pimp Dina subsequently denied the story but given what she’s done with her children, what’s become of Lindsay, and what’s about to become of Ali Lohan who is 13 going on 40 skank, it’s safe to say, Dina was totally fingered in public. Full Story

Perpetual Quiver

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 10:27:05 December 7, 2007 10:27:05

Every day, every day more quiver from Johnny Depp. Between Johnny and Becks and James McAvoy, it’s a loin-happy Friday! Johnny on the cover of Esquire January 2007. No words. Enjoy.  Full Story

Second Chances?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 09:56:46 December 7, 2007 09:56:46

Lauren Conrad showed up at the People Grammy kickoff last night, pounding every last carpet before The Hills Season 3 finale on Monday. If you’re hardcore about The Hills, you will love it. And you will love that the show has been picked up for a fourth season – more Lauren but less …. Full Story

Chicken Fried Bloat: Best of 2007

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 09:55:04 December 7, 2007 09:55:04

As 2007 comes to a close, it’s time to reflect on the smutty year that was: Best Moments in Smut counting down to the ultimate Best Moment in Smut 2007. And if you missed yesterday’s first entry, click here Full Story

Feeling Violent

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 09:23:25 December 7, 2007 09:23:25

Said it before – I feel violent when I see her. Like I want to hurt something. Badly. And this “aw shucks” to camera expression is as bad as it gets. For those new to the site: Rossum is a euphemism for PUKE. Here’s Rossum at People’s Grammy kick off party last night, raping us with her holiday Rossum sugar in Christmas purple and that sickening goody goody smile. Full Story

Hold Me

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 09:03:27 December 7, 2007 09:03:27

More photos of Posh & Becks at Mel C’s gig last night. As you know, these two are like porn for me. And last night they certainly delivered a little. Look at the way he’s looking down at her. And holding her from behind. Hold me from behind!!! As always though, it’s Victoria who’s most entertaining. Full Story

Mother Daughter Busted Faces

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 00:00:00 December 7, 2007 00:00:00

Sweet Xenu – literally! Lisa Marie, if memory serves, drinks the Xenu Juice too, non? And from the looks of it, she also drinks something stronger. That is totally Vince Vaughn in Elvis’s female form. And Priscilla… WHAT THE FACK?? The Presleys were at the Food Bank for New York City last night giving back for the holidays. Full Story

McAvoy Quiver

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 08:24:18 December 7, 2007 08:24:18

He is wee but he is gorgeous. GORGEOUS. And SO gorgeous in Atonement. The entire movie in fact is gorgeous. The cinematography, the costumes – Keira’s costumes are divine – and of course the story. The story is beautifully told. Which is why Atonement will be an Oscar contender. Perhaps not for the performances, as the film doesn’t necessarily hinge on the performances (which are excellent but not meaty), but for the achievement. Full Story

Pink, Fringe, and Severe

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 08:20:39 December 7, 2007 08:20:39

But for her pink dress, from the expressions on their faces, you’d think it was a funeral. Keira Knightley and boyfriend Rupert at the LA premiere of Atonement last night – both looking smart, as they say in Britain, and morose. Rupert in particular is freakin’ me out. Freaks me out when he tries to smile, freaks me out when he doesn’t. Full Story

View All 8 Photos

Can’t Keep the Gay Away

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2007 07:35:04 December 7, 2007 07:35:04

No amount of Xenu Juice could have prevented the GMD from attending the Spice Girls concert in LA on Wednesday night. How could any gay resist the glitter? On top of that, how can Tom Cruise resist a photo opportunity? With thousands of fans and their camera phones and the world media on alert – OF COURSE he showed up with his RoboKate. Full Story