Alba Bitch to Broadway?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 00:00:00 November 26, 2007 00:00:00

She can barely hold a scene in a movie, let alone centre stage on The Great White Way? The argument of course would be that if Madonna can do it… But Madonna, in spite of the atrocious acting, can COMMAND a stage. Can Jessica Alba command a stage? Seriously… But still, she tries. She tries valiantly to rise above TV girl eternity. Full Story

All Ages & Jonesing

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 12:19:15 November 26, 2007 12:19:15

Free as a bird, fresh like a daisy, dating up a storm, but apparently not clean as a whistle having abstained for nearly two decades. Shame. Currently dating a lucky young man, she can regularly be seen shoving her tongue down his throat in various public establishments. Curiously enough, she was also seen not too long ago shoving her tongue down the throat of another dude… a MUCH older one – perhaps even 20 years – draped around him at a party and there’s nothing wrong with that, more power to her for playing the field, except that she was at the same time asking for drugs repeatedly…alarming not only for the obvious but also because she had a dangerous relationship with them in the past and just because she’s an adult now doesn’t mean she’ll fare any better than she did before. Full Story

King 2?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 11:44:28 November 26, 2007 11:44:28

Baby watch, and baby bump watch, to me anyway, are boring as sh*t. But you all seem to love it. Thankfully, this report stems not from the ever unreliable observation of one’s growing – imaginary or otherwise – midsection but from true smut. According to a very new untested source, word is Gwen Stefani was expected in studio to do some recording work with another artist recently but backed out claiming she wasn’t feeling well. Full Story

Papa Pimp Back at Work

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 00:00:00 November 26, 2007 00:00:00

People.com is reporting that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo shared Thanksgiving dinner together this weekend (surrounded by her family) celebrating the Cowboys’ big win over the NY Jets going 10 and 1 for the first time in franchise history setting up a killer match up next Sunday against the Packers, also 10 and 1. Full Story

No Neck, No Problem

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 00:00:00 November 26, 2007 00:00:00

Daniel Craig is on promo for The Golden Compass but as you would expect, he’s also being asked about the next Bond. Daniel says he’s just started training again but that he will focus less on weights this time and more on cardio so to avoid what he calls the “no neck” look from last time. Full Story

He Sleeps Naked

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 08:31:08 November 26, 2007 08:31:08

My quivering loins… of course he sleeps naked. Becks is in Australia right now with the LA Galaxy and he appeared on local morning tv for an interview during which he was asked if he preferred “pyjamas or no pyjamas”. He replied – no pyjamas. Yum! This man is too fine to be left a long for so long. Full Story

Ghetto Tits Smell Bad

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 07:44:45 November 26, 2007 07:44:45

Tara Reid had a guest starring role on Scrubs a few seasons ago … and she will not be invited back. Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence addressed the New York Comedy Festival the other day and said she reeked so badly of booze and gang banging he’d sooner let John Mayer urinate all over him. I made up that last part but you get my drift. Full Story

Michael Buble: the new John Mayer

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 07:29:20 November 26, 2007 07:29:20

Cheesy lyrics, the illusion of sensitivity…only to end up a pig in reality, not unlike that douchbag John Mayer who sings of bodies and wonderlands but prefers them drenched in piss. But then again, if you’ve been paying attention to this site over the last few months, Michael Buble’s philandering really shouldn’t surprise you. Full Story

Lilo & Lolita

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 06:52:19 November 26, 2007 06:52:19

Lindsay Lohan spent Thanksgiving in NYC with her family. To celebrate the occasion, her exploitative skank of a mother decided to make the most of every photo opportunity, sending her next protégé out shopping with her orange and dirty faced older sister who can’t seem to lay off the self tanner and find a decently matched foundation. Full Story

Chicken Fried Chinese Twins?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 06:49:04 November 26, 2007 06:49:04

Ridiculous new rumour originating from the always reliable News of the World – something about Britney adopting twin babies from China based solely on an “exclusive” claim from the tabloid’s source that Britney “has told friends she"s in the final stages of talks with an adoption agency and plans to go ahead with the move very soon. Full Story

Friday, November 23, 2007

Dear Gossips,

How could you?

My Gwyneth is absolutely NOT Cheap & Crafty. Please! Gwynnie is the queen of thank you notes: at the tender age of 3, Apple Martin already has her own monogrammed stationary so no, no, no…my Gwyneth would never stinge out her staff. She would however do the complete and nauseating opposite. Which would be to tip and treat them so well and throw it back into the faces of all her friends who can’t match her generosity. This is how Gwyneth makes people feel small, like don’t you know?

C&C is also not Hilary Swank who has no children and despite coldly selling out her ex-husband is actually known to be quite lovely to the small people, having been one herself not too long ago, though if I have to hear that story about living in her mother’s car one more time…

It’s Friday! Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Happy Birthday Steph P from your girls! Here’s to a wild, wild Friday night!

PPS. And to Emily on your 27th – my best wishes for a banner year.

PPPS. For Jenny Ryan from Saskatoon, recently crowned the "Canada Writes" 2007 Champion – CONGRATULATIONS! What an extraordinary achievement. I am yours in admiration, Lainey