July 31, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 31, 2008 06:50:46 July 31, 2008 06:50:46

To Sandra – it is absolutely NOT wrong. Happy Birthday! And forget about what’s happening this weekend. Seriously, it’s a good thing. It will happen for you later. Promise. To Robin – good luck with the move back to PEI. The Law Girls want you to know you will be dearly missed! Congratulations to Wendy T in Calgary from Leslie and Adrienne. Full Story

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Dear Gossips,

So? Did you see?  Not to worry…am told it’s not all scary and sh*ts. In addition to finding horcruxes, Book 6 was all about hormones. Lavender Brown! Snort.

It’s been a week since we’ve sighted the Pitts, the Chosen One, the Holy Twins, and those three other poor kids nobody ever cares enough about. Brangelunatics must be suffering, hmmmm? To soothe their souls, Gallery of the Absurd has crafted them a gift. Click here if you’ve never had the pleasure of encountering the kind of crazy these people are capable of. It will make your life.

Wednesday, blogging all day, check back often.

Yours in gossip,


Midsummer Rossum

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 30, 2008 16:11:36 July 30, 2008 16:11:36

You know I was just thinking to myself the other day – we’ve been blessed by many consecutive weeks, almost the entire summer actually, without any Rossum. Perhaps sensing this, Rossum is back, and punishing us for lost time in the worst way with a triple dose of the special sugar-raping brand of nasty ass nausea only she can deliver. Full Story

Tabloid Wars: Preparing for The Twins

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 30, 2008 12:00:41 July 30, 2008 12:00:41

JustJared is reporting that the Holy Jolie Twins have been sold to People Magazine. As such, every other publication is bracing for annihilation, pumping out salacious covers in the hopes of banking as much money as they can before the double deity double issue stagnates their sales. Full Story

No Hags in the Sisterhood

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 30, 2008 11:20:24 July 30, 2008 11:20:24

Ali and Dina Lohan managed to scam their way into the Sisterhood 2 premiere the other night. Their show is sucking ass…they needed the publicity. Who the f&ck are those morons are wanting Ali’s autograph??? I want you to look at that child’s French manicure. Those long ass clip-on claws. Full Story

Porny at the casino

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 30, 2008 08:37:23 July 30, 2008 08:37:23

Fallsview Casino at Niagara Falls is one of my mother’s favourites. She likes the penny slots. She says the games are the most interactive. She claps her hands and cackles at the carton stories that creep across the screen. And she says she often doesn’t have to play very long to get comped for lunch AND dinner at the buffet. Full Story

Jailbait is a BITCH!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 30, 2008 07:58:50 July 30, 2008 07:58:50

They teach them how to sing and dance, how to pose for paps, how to fashion their young lips into beat-me pouts, and at the end of the day, how to make millions, and millions of dollars. But they don’t teach them grace. Or good manners. Or humility. They don’t teach them kindness. They don’t give them class. Full Story

The Essence of Beef & Tomato

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 30, 2008 07:50:00 July 30, 2008 07:50:00

My comfort food - mentioned it in an article a while back. Since then, many have written for the recipe. Recipe is below. But not in a Martha Stewart way. My people, we don't learn to cook like that. There were no measuring cups back in the village. And beef and tomato is all about the village. It's village food. Full Story

Taking credit…for everything

Lainey Posted by Lainey at July 30, 2008 07:24:53 July 30, 2008 07:24:53

After performing at the Grammy’s Pip said he was solely responsible for the show’s amazing ratings. After endorsing McDonalds, Pippy boasted he was solely responsible for the company’s overall net gains. Curiously enough, after The Love Guru stank up the box office, Pippy did not take accountability for its failure. Full Story