Who Needs a Refill?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2007 00:00:00 October 29, 2007 00:00:00

The GMD was in Paris to promote Lions for Lambs and apparently needs a refill of Xenu Juice because someone’s gay wants to come out to play. It happens to the best of them, you know? When they’re too far from the mothership, in desperate need of an audit, far from the church members who keep them in line, their defences begin to slip – see John Travolta’s male masseur c*ckstands in Toronto when he allegedly terrorised an upscale health club with his ill timed advances towards only male service providers. Full Story

Rossum on Ice

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2007 13:02:03 October 29, 2007 13:02:03

Oh but the juxtaposition is so clever, isn’t it? Rossum the sweetest of all sweetest angels wearing a Devils’ jersey and supporting the side of evil. It’s a knee slapper!!! Here she is with her ringlets singing the national anthem on Saturday night for the New Jersey Devils’ first game at their new arena against the insufferable Ottawa Senators. Full Story

Escaping Oprah’s Wrath

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2007 00:00:00 October 29, 2007 00:00:00

Jessica Seinfeld may indeed be the one woman alive who can rival Heather Mills’s goldiggery and yes, she is a manipulative bitch and absolutely a greedy twat. But still I am obsessed. Jessica Seinfeld has also allegedly ripped off someone else’s book. Jessica Seinfeld is apparently a plagiarist. Full Story

View All 9 Photos

Pip’n’ Ass menstruate

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2007 12:18:35 October 29, 2007 12:18:35

Pippy and Shelf Ass are apparently on their periods this week, or maybe they just miss each other because after giving up some ooey gooey photos to the paps in LA last week they have since separated as JT kicks off the Australian leg of his world tour, leaving behind his despondent hermy girlfriend lashed out at photographers Full Story

Brown on Tour

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2007 11:18:42 October 29, 2007 11:18:42

Finally…the blonde is gone. The blonde got old. And if there’s one thing Victoria abhors more than being fat, it is absolutely being old. As in passé. As in not relevant. She looks better as a brunette anyway. Which is why Mrs Beckham spent 8 hours at the salon the other day, in preparation for the upcoming Spice Tour, going back to brown. Full Story

Rumer: bad angles at Halloween

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2007 00:00:00 October 29, 2007 00:00:00

Not everyone is born looking like Christy Turlington. Some are cursed by the Celebrity Baby Theory: two hot famous parents resulting in not so hot spawn… Rumer Willis, unfortunately, has been afflicted by this cruel twist of fame but instead of wallowing in self pity, my plucky Rumey has astutely learned to use it to her advantage. Full Story

View All 18 Photos

Toronto Fights Ebola

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2007 10:16:33 October 29, 2007 10:16:33

LOVE my home town. We fought valiantly against SARS. And we are fighting valiantly again against another deadly virus: Paris Hilton. Otherwise known as Hollywood Ebola who has been in Toronto shooting her piece of sh-t for a movie. Last week she hosted a party at The Guvernment. The way I hear it though, no one cared she was there, and her reception was so decidedly lacklustre that owners and the local paps had to “engineer” a frenzied arrival and exit to make it appear as though the Toronto club scene actually gave a rat’s ass. Full Story

The Chicken Fried Motto

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2007 09:33:34 October 29, 2007 09:33:34

Court was a f*cking gong show on Friday and not just the crazy pap frenzy waiting outside. Inside Britney was a mess, excusing herself to use the loo three times, knowing that reporters were in the hall monitoring her every move, and changing outfits on every occasion. Crazy bitch. Then, as she passed by a journalist from Extra TV, midway through the CUSTODY HEARING OVER HER CHILDREN!!!, Britney shouted out: Eat it, lick it, snort it, f&ck it! Because somehow the judge is NOT going to hear about it on TMZ.com Full Story

Granny Freeze Keeps Fighting

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 29, 2007 09:31:11 October 29, 2007 09:31:11

Nicole honey, we get it. You’re NOT old…you’re just oldER. Which doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t still be hotter than anyone else, and you definitely have the body to prove it but for the desperation. The frozen desperation that has paralysed your forehead and swollen your lips, to say nothing of the granny blonde at your temples, in sharp contrast to the baby smoothness of your face – it’s a creepy juxtaposition. Full Story

Friday, October 26, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Britney and KFed to go head to head today in court – and media will be permitted inside the hearing. Stay tuned…but not to E!

The network has given the go-ahead to Dina Lohan for her own reality tv show. WTF??? She claims she is an inspiration to single mothers. More on that later.

Check out Bono flanked by Sheryl Crow and Gwen Stefani last night at a gala in NYC. Rattle & Hum was on tv earlier this week. It’s easy to forget how good – how great – U2 really is. Remember when The Edge had long hair?

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Dear Amy – Mary told me it’s your 30th…Happy Birthday!!! You will LOVE your 30s. Promise.

PPS. Congratulations to Rhian on completing your thesis and graduating with honours! Now you have no excuse not to call Jeanne, yes?

PPPS. Ryan Gosling does NOT have finger obsessions.

PPPPS. Am headed to Regina for the Geminis - Sunday night on CBC. If there’s no smut on Monday it’s because I’ve run off with George Stroumboulopoulos!