Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Sienna Miller and a real man? More on that later but let’s face it – he might be pretty, very very very pretty, but Jude’s a bit of a polka dot limpy, don’t you think?

As for your many emails yesterday relating to Katie Holmes and the car seat – see photo here for  a refresher – comparing her to Britney and calling out the injustice and pointing out the double standard…you will note that in the photo in question, the car door is still open. Katie appears to have just gotten in or about to get out and while you know I’m all over any opportunity to sh-t on Campaign Cruise, I wonder if it might be unwarranted on this occasion simply because I haven’t seen the next photo. The next photo could very well have shown her strapping Little Sci into safety. Or the previous photo could very well have shown her unstrapping Little Sci from safety as they exited the vehicle.

Point is, she wasn’t sitting in the driver’s seat with the child on her lap actually driving like that chicken fried twat!!! But by all means, if and when it’s determined that she was and does, by all means, let’s giv’er on her robo-ass. Praise Thetan, ah-Xenu.

Tuesday, am online all day, refresh often.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Viggo Fighting Naked

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2007 00:00:00 August 14, 2007 00:00:00

Every day I receive emails campaigning for Viggo Mortensen on the Freebie Five. Don’t hide. I know you’re out there. So this is for you. One of the most highly anticipated gala premieres at the Toronto International Film Festival this year is David Cronenberg’s Eastern Promises starring Viggo and Naomi Watts. Full Story

Maroon 5 in Toronto and Vancouver!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2007 00:00:00 August 14, 2007 00:00:00

They are performing on Canadian Idol tonight. And they are playing Toronto at the Air Canada Centre on October 4th and Vancouver at the Pacific Coliseum on November 3rd. Tickets on sale now at ticketmaster.ca As legend would have it, shortly after splitting from Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson showed up at lead singer’s hotel room wearing nothin’ but a trench coat. Full Story

Hot and Cheese Douche

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2007 09:54:11 August 14, 2007 09:54:11

John Mayer shopping in NYC. You know, it’s really too bad about the attitude. And the peeing. And the fact that he’ll be performing on a f7cking Carnival Cruise. Because if you take away the cheese from the douche, JM is admittedly attractive. He even wears pants well. But the peeing cheese cruising is irremovable. Full Story

Someone or No One?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2007 09:12:51 August 14, 2007 09:12:51

Drew Barrymore oddly glammed up at Jet in Vegas on Sunday night on the arm of a dark dashing man. Can’t place him at first glance…can you? But even though it’s only a side shot, it’s plain as day – this dude is almost the hotness. Almost. It’s the jeans again, gossips. Full Story

Purging Ebola

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2007 08:29:04 August 14, 2007 08:29:04

As hypothesised the other day – Nicole Richie appears to be phasing out Hollywood Ebola and in doing so undramatically, she leaves Paris no opportunity to use the end of a friendship to fuel her own agenda. If true… Well played, well played. Full Story

Who is What?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2007 08:14:22 August 14, 2007 08:14:22

Sorry to be crass but it’s like comparing sh-t to diarrhoea? Between Britney and KFed, who is what? On one hand Britney – eternal trainwreck with stinky feet, seems incapable of handling her boo boos, alleged drug use and erratic behaviour, and on the other hand a punk ass golddigger who’s only earning potential comes from exploiting his ex wife. Full Story

My BFF’s GFF

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2007 07:42:53 August 14, 2007 07:42:53

Am overcome with jealousy. Ross Matthews, the “intern” on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, is name dropping Gwyneth. Bitch. I wish I could name drop Gwyneth. The two have been fast friends since he saw her on a carpet and asked her, “Will you be my best friend.” She said yes and promptly emailed him. Full Story

Canadian Idol and Sass Jordan Forever

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2007 07:41:04 August 14, 2007 07:41:04

So I went to Canadian Idol last night. My first time, wanted to check it out. And I know you what you’re thinking because I was thinking the same. You go in there thinking you’re too cool. You go in there thinking you’re above the screaming idiots. Full Story

Sienna & Sean Bean?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2007 07:06:48 August 14, 2007 07:06:48

That’s the word coming out of the UK…because of course the two are filming together and Sienna’s skank is always attached to her co-stars. Apparently she can’t stop drunk calling him and invited him over for dinner recently and made him beef stew. Random! Anyway, Sienna is 25, Sean is 48. Full Story

Monday, August 13, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Because my husband is addicted to coffee, can’t start his day without one, my mother has been terrorising Starbucks locations in Toronto this weekend asking for a Wendy Boe. Unfortunately, many of our local baristas don’t know Wendy Boe, especially when a Chinese Squawking Chicken is asking for it.

A Wendy Boe is a Venti Bold. In the way that Chinese people can’t eat with their mouths closed, so it follows that they also can’t pronounce the consonant at the end of a word.

Stand up becomes Stan Up. Venti Bold is Wendy Boe. And she’ll be ordering them in Toronto until Monday August 20th. Heads up if you work at Starbucks.

Weekend smut: Britney going bra-less but feeling the heat. And Hollywood Ebola is now attacking our children. It will never die.

Monday, blogging all day long, refresh often.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. The Beyonce Vancouver ticket giveaway ends tomorrow (Tuesday)! Another concert opportunity coming later …stay tuned!

PPS. Tonight. Finally. The Hills Season 3. I am a shallow person. Yes…I watch. But you know what’s even better? The Hills Aftershow on MTV Canada… so popular and so deliciously dishy it has now been picked up by MTV in the USA. Dear America, you will LOVE The Aftershow. And you will love that sexy bitch host Dan Levy. Promise.