Next up for Jen?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 3, 2007 00:00:00 October 3, 2007 00:00:00

Tory Burch and Lance Armstrong are over. Distance is the official reason, the unofficial reason is probably because he’s a dickhead. Don’t get me wrong… once upon a time Lance was the ultimate Quiveration and a former #1 on the Freebie Five. But just because he crusades for cancer doesn’t make him a nice boyfriend or even a considerate husband. Full Story

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Dear Gossips,

So she fails to comply with the conditions set out by the court in her custody agreement. She fails to see the urgency in getting a valid driver’s license. She fails to submit to drug testing, drug counselling and parenting classes. As such, she loses her children. And only THEN does she drag her greasy ass down to the DMV to fill out the paperwork required for a California license. Only THEN.

Of course afterwards she goes for a tan, heads out for dinner, and decides to check in to a five star hotel all while being followed and swarmed by the paparazzi and wearing a big smile.

So is this really sad smut or is it simply chicken fried stupid? Look at these photos and study this face…I see a girl relieved to be rid of her children. I see a girl who knows no shame. I’m sure there are a myriad of excuses to explain her behaviour. I’m sure there are. But if it were me, if the entire world had learned that my boys were deemed legally better off with my lowlife golddigging ex, I’d be hiding in humiliation and busting my balls to get them back.

Britney however seems to be revelling in her freedom. Maybe it’s just me…

Tuesday – online all day, headed back to Vancouver late afternoon. Check back often.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Thanks to all who’ve written in response to The Hills Aftershow! Had a blast! As for your emails about my boots – I can’t claim credit. It was my friend Heather who found them first. They’re Coach, style is called The Maxene. Available in black and whiskey – I was wearing “clay” in limited edition and sadly, not sold in Canada but definitely accessible online!

Cheese Cheats

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 2, 2007 00:00:00 October 2, 2007 00:00:00

Although his “art” and therefore his career is entirely predicated upon the fact that he loves love and believes in love, especially love at home, and has made millions off women swooning over every word and note, it seems for him at least love does not go hand in hand with fidelity. Appears he’s been nailing a new piece in every city – from the Midwest to the Northwest to New York, he is cheating. Full Story

Clean Cut Quiveration

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 2, 2007 12:20:46 October 2, 2007 12:20:46

Ashton Kutcher – without the sad attempt at growing a beard, he is the hotness. No wonder she’s so happy…I’d be happy too. And they look happy together. Here are Ashton and Demi on the sidelines at the Giants game Sunday night…still together and still wanting to be. As I’ve said before, I wasn’t a believer to begin with but am totally a believer now. Full Story

Smutty Sponsor: SoftLips Exclusive Giveaway #7

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 2, 2007 09:54:56 October 2, 2007 09:54:56

PLEASE READ INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY. PLEASE NOTE THE CORRECT EMAIL ADDRESS AND TITLE. Otherwise your entry will NOT be filed properly. The answer for Week 6 – Jakey Gyllenhaal! It’s Week #7 of the SoftLips Smutty Sponsorship and another SoftLips gift basket valued at $100 including the full range of SoftLips products can be yours! If you are interested… Guess the Lips! Who do they belong to? Hint: perfectly married but the beard/purse rumours persist – is that why she and her husband are so close with the GMD? NOTE THE FOLLOWING: Send your answer to [email protected] Full Story

Pip’n’Ass Eat Meat

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 2, 2007 08:14:56 October 2, 2007 08:14:56

Pipsqueak and Shelf Ass were in Toronto last night eating at Morton’s The Steakhouse. Have heard conflicting reports about their demeanour. Some say they seemed relaxed though not affectionate, others observed she appeared “pouty” perhaps in response to him looking “moody”. Full Story

No After Sex Crying

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 2, 2007 07:54:13 October 2, 2007 07:54:13

Bad news. Jennifer Aniston and Three Whiskers Orly Bloom are absolutely NOT dating as was initially suggested following release of these photos yesterday. As we reported on eTalk etalk.ctv.ca last night, his publicist confirmed that both were in Mexico for a wedding but that they were by no means alone. Full Story

The Queen in Blue

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 2, 2007 07:43:36 October 2, 2007 07:43:36

Cate Blanchett the one and only on the carpet last night at the premiere of The Golden Age. As usual, she is flawless. As usual, she is the epitome of elegance…even in a shapeless gown, Cate owns it like no one else. The Golden Age arrives in theatres next week. If you loved the first, you will also love the second. Full Story

Monday, October 1, 2007

Dear Gossips,

As you can see, there’s been movement on the Freebie Five: David Letterman is the honourary #1 for the week as Daniel Craig takes a breather.

Why?

Watch the clip here and see how Letterman absolutely skins Hollywood Ebola. The most brilliant television ever. And one of the few who actually has the balls to say and do what we all would with hilarious results. This is where the practically senile Larry King dropped the ball.

David clearly has zero tolerance for disease. And because he is who he is, he wore his disdain out on the open, toying with her twat head, sucking her back in by leading her to believe he thought she could be a role model, and then slapping her silly once again.

The man is a hero and now the sexiest beast ever. And she so totally has Bloat Face.

Monday – Britney’s video for Gimme More drops today. Will be blogging all day. Check back often, will keep you posted.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Am on The Hills Aftershow on MTV Canada and mtv.com tonight for the first time in person with the adorable Dan Levy. Will be a challenge not to jump into his lap. Will be a challenge not to feel small and insignificant next to the incomparable Jessi Cruickshank. Yes, she always does look that perfect, even in person. Love her. Hate her!

PPS. Two and two always make five. In Rainbows – new Radiohead album on October 10th!!! Best.News.Ever.

Chicken Fried Owned!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 1, 2007 13:11:06 October 1, 2007 13:11:06

Breaking news – TMZ.com is reporting that Britney has officially lost custody of her children as KFed’s lawyer stormed the court today, taking advantage of media attention placed on Britney’s shoddy driving record etc to milk her even more for her money and of course put the kids out of harm’s way. Full Story

Zombie Acting

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 1, 2007 12:31:13 October 1, 2007 12:31:13

Four production stills from Katie Holmes’s new movie Mad Money – all four with virtually the same zombie expression…and if the expression looks familiar to you, it’s the same big tooth, crazed smile the GMD infamously showed off on Oprah two years ago. No wonder he was all over her taking this role - requiring nothing but looking cute and smiling a lot, it’s a far cry from Katie’s topless turn in The Gift. Full Story