Madonna’s Achilles Heel

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:35:21 March 31, 2008 06:35:21

At first glance it sounds like a bullsh*t story – Madonna wants to remake Casablanca – particularly because it’s coming from the UK. But then again… for all her brilliance when it comes to music making, as entertaining as she is on stage – dancing and singing – and as incomparable as she is when it comes to reinvention and staying relevant, Madonna is totally f&cking clueless when to movies. Full Story

The Reblonde of Dirty Face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:33:00 March 31, 2008 06:33:00

Ugh. Lindsay Lohan, after a brief brown, is now back to tacky ass blonde. As a result, her Dirty Face, already the worst it’s ever been, is now exponentially more foul. And when you combine that with the loose skin sagging around the edges, around her chin, and those noticeably droopy jowls, it’s easy to forget this girl is only 21. Full Story

Before & After Botox

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:30:00 March 31, 2008 06:30:00

Holy mother of all f&ckedupness. Take a look at Lara Flynn Boyle. If you can stomach it…take a close look at Lara Flynn Boyle. Those of you with kinder hearts will perhaps plead her case by calling this some kind of disorder. Those of you, like me, who are going to hell will call this a direct result of punishing your body by not eating, for years not eating, and by mangling your face with injections. Full Story

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Tabloid Wars : The Pitt Wedding

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:23:47 March 31, 2008 06:23:47

The source was Star Magazine – the always, always reliable Star Magazine. The same magazine that slaps a Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie break up story on their cover every other week. Star Magazine broke the news on Saturday that the Pitts had wed in New Orleans. Full Story

What Happens in Vegas is a Busted Face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:17:00 March 31, 2008 06:17:00

Big fan of Cam these days, especially post-Pip, but this new movie What Happens in Vegas, it’s doing nothing for her. Nothing. Seriously. Watch the trailer. Ashton Kutcher looks f*cking hot. Cam absolutely not. As in her face is totally busted. Not unlike the way it was on Saturday at Kids’ Choice where she received the Wannabe Award. Full Story

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America Gorgessity

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:13:00 March 31, 2008 06:13:00

Not crazy about the prom dress, or the shoes for that matter, but it really is no matter because with a face this warm and lovely, and sweet brown eyes that actually have a brain behind them, and full healthy locks that are NOT her best quality (because, as mentioned, she is capable of cognitive reasoning – a rarity among young stars), and beautiful curves proudly displayed, America Ferrera is almost always a vision. Full Story

B Who?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:10:00 March 31, 2008 06:10:00

This is what happens when Tina Knowles DOESN’T dress you. Rihanna! Rihanna would totally sit atop the girl crush list if not for gay math. Because Rihanna is only 20. As far as styling is concerned though, Rihanna is killing it. Killing. It. Pretty, boring dresses can come later. When you are this young and this fresh and r&b pop’s reigning princess, you can most certainly wear a polka dot bustier and parachute trousers and heels that beg for scandal and green nail polish, though the fake nails suck ass. Full Story

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The Generic Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:06:00 March 31, 2008 06:06:00

Not that Ashlee Simpson isn’t pretty. Because she is. Really pretty. But also pretty ordinary. Particularly because of the ordinary nose. Everyone orders this nose. It’s the most popular nose on the menu. A nose that has rendered her face kinda like every other face. Just ask Ashley Tisdale. Full Story

But for the GMD…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:04:00 March 31, 2008 06:04:00

Will Smith is every kind of perfect. But for the GMD. And it’s not the maybe gaybe, but the fraud of the maybe gaybe. The fraud of the maybe gaybe and the friendship with the little fraud. Because if Will Smith was a definitely gaybe, and openly definitely gaybe, Will Smith would be eve more perfect. Full Story

How Much Effort…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 06:02:00 March 31, 2008 06:02:00

Do you think it takes the Alba Bitch to smile? And to hide her crusty ass from the children? Under these circumstances, at the Kids’ Choice Awards, she must be grinding her teeth to the point of a migraine. Bet your boob job Cash Warren received a tongue lashing that night. For overflow. Like using a breast bump. Full Story

A Veteran at 18

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 31, 2008 05:58:15 March 31, 2008 05:58:15

She might be headed for rough waters, but right now Miley Cyrus can still totally pass for teen. Hayden Panettiere on the other hand hasn’t looked like a teen in two years. Which is totally cool for a 30 year old…only Hayden isn’t a 30 year old but an 18 year old. And take it from someone who saw 30 four years ago – looking young never gets old. Full Story

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