Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Dear Gossips,

My mother would be the first to tell you – she can’t cook for ass. What she can do however more than makes up for her culinary incompetence. Because nothing is more important during a Chinese home dinner than the soup. And my mother boils a mean soup. Like real soup. Soup that takes work. She gets up early for this soup. She picks the best bones, the leanest chicken, she uses the best herbs (welly expensive!) and she slow simmers that soup for hours. For the whole day. Until it’s perfect. Until drinking it promises to clear your skin and unblock your intestines, rid your lungs of smoke, make your hair grow faster, and when we were younger we even believed some Chinese soup recipes could give you an extra 3 inches. Like we’d be destined to hover at under 5 feet if we didn’t polish off the bowl in front of us, especially before it cooled down, lest it lose all its potency.

Yes… we Chinese believe that soup is magic. We grow up thinking it will make us whole, that if we’ve gone without it for too long, our bodies are rotting from the insides. Which is why whenever I come home to Toronto, no matter how short the visit, I need my soup. I need my soup badly. I also happen to have a mother who uses this as leverage.

She brought it for me in a thermos on Sunday night at the hotel after I’d landed. They left the house well after 10pm, headed downtown with a bagful of fruit and soup. First thing my father did when he walked in the door was to peel me an orange.

My mother, on the other hand, started picking through my sh*t under the guise of helping me hang it all up…because of course I have a gimpy arm. She got as far as taking out my toiletries when she struck gold, pulling out my brand new Andrea Brueckner mini satchel in bright yellow, my bag for the summer, and declared that I would give it to her because she doesn’t have one in that colour. Before I could answer, she pointed to the thermos of soup sitting on the table and urged me to drink it before it got cold.

I told her she could have it in the fall. This seemed to placate her. Then she demanded that I give her a key to my room. So she could drop off more soup the following day without having to disturb my “busy schedule”.
Yeah that would be a hell no.

I closed my eyes and politely declined. I swear I heard my father groan inwardly. And then the poor guests on the 12th floor of my hotel, at 11 o’clock on a Sunday night were treated to a dose of the Squawking Chicken, who huffed and puffed and let out an earsplitting diatribe about the ingratitude of her only child.

My punishment?

As a result of my rejection, she announced pointedly at my father that she’d have to go console herself at Casino Niagara instead.

This is my mother’s gift, see? She can always create for herself a win/win situation.

But still… I came in late a couple of hours ago from the CTV Upfronts and there it was: a thermos of soup on the nightstand. She made a pit stop after the slot machines and somehow conned the front desk into opening the door.

So I’m writing you now between sips of stinky broth, bracing myself for the guilt trip later on. They’re driving me to the airport tonight. No bowl goes unpunished. Trust.

Tuesday – am blogging all day, with the juice of Chinese soup coursing through me…refresh, refresh, refresh!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Loving your thoughts on Sex & the City. Unable to reply to all but am reading every word. Promise!

George likes 3

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2008 12:15:14 June 3, 2008 12:15:14

Sara Larson is reportedly heart broken over her split with George Clooney. Fox News claims she was given no notice, asked to leave right away, pack up her stuff from his mansion in LA, and immediately flew back to Las Vegas to lick her wounds. George on the other hand...well... George is licking some other things. Full Story

The Lucrative Wonder Twins

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2008 10:23:00 June 3, 2008 10:23:00

As the world anxiously awaits the activation of the Jolie Pitt wonder twins the tabloids, the richest ones are in the process of bidding for the exclusive 1st photos. You will recall the chosen one Shilo"s photos went for a reported $5 - 6M. OK magazine and People magazine are now driving up the cost of the wonder twins photos and reportedly according to TMZ Full Story

Model > Puffy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2008 08:45:07 June 3, 2008 08:45:07

News broke yesterday that Cammie D and Diddy were hooking up on the sly, even though he"s supposed to be trying to work things out with Kim Porter. Today People is reporting that Cameron Diaz was spotted on a sexy flirty date with none other than Paul Sculfor, the model that was hired to date Jennifer Aniston last year to promote Smart Water. Full Story

Did You Miss Mandy?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2008 06:14:24 June 3, 2008 06:14:24

I missed Mandy. Mandy"s not so smutty but Mandy"s still worthy, non? Mandy Moore last night at CFDAs, tall and lovely and normal sized. It"s amazing that she"s normal sized. That after all this time Many has resisted the urge to thinnify herself like so many of her peers. It"s been a long, quiet stretch for her. Full Story

An Olsen for the 80s

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2008 06:03:18 June 3, 2008 06:03:18

Ashley at the CFDAs. It’s been like this the last few outings now – trousers with blazers, short shirts with long blazers… Ashley Olsen’s modernisation of the 80, clearly her current fashion mindset. Am all over it. Because she looks great. She looks different. She’s young. Full Story

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Everyone’s Favourite

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2008 05:55:31 June 3, 2008 05:55:31

Most of you who’ve written about the SATC movie have expressed that Kim Cattrall was your favourite. Totally agree. Kim Cattrall rocked. And she was also amazing last week at eTalk when she sat down exclusively in our studios with a live audience. Full Story

Hot Becks is Hurt

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2008 05:47:25 June 3, 2008 05:47:25

Didn’t see him at the CFDAs – maybe he was inside? – but this is David Beckham leaving his New York hotel, as quivering as ever, with an injured wrist that I’d be happy to help heal any time he needs me. Remember what Duana said yesterday about a straight man sleeping every night forever next to a shriveled bag of bones? She was referring of course to Matthew Broderick. Full Story

Marc Overpowered

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2008 05:43:24 June 3, 2008 05:43:24

Last night, at the CFDA Fashion Awards in New York, Marc Jacobs showed up with current campaign model Victoria Beckham. Shall we play our favourite game? The Photo Assumption Game? Shall we draw conclusions based on nothing but an image, just like Star Magazine and In Touch Weekly and Life & Style? Yes, let’s do! Check out Posh, as usual, posing with effort using every muscle in her body, exactly the way she practises night after night at home in front of the mirror. Full Story

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June 3, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2008 05:33:56 June 3, 2008 05:33:56

Dear Krista McGrath, I hear you’re coming home today to a brand new gift. A gift you and I can share together? My arm is totally inconsequential compared to what you’ve endured. Please know I am sending you the best thoughts and well wishes for a quick recovery, hopefully made easier by some very satisfying summer smut. Full Story