What Tom Wants to Hear

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 27, 2008 08:48:51 May 27, 2008 08:48:51

I loved Will Smith. Will Smith was perfect. And then Will Smith drank the Xenu juice. Will Smith hasn’t been the same since. So Will dropped by Ellen’s yesterday to promote Hancock – did you watch? Sigh. Made me sad. Once upon a time, Will Smith wasn’t so… contrived. Nowadays it’s like he’s taken a page from the GMD: totally rehearsed, pandering, maybe not so creepy, but also completely devoid of spontaneity. Full Story

Hilary is not Jessica

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 27, 2008 07:01:05 May 27, 2008 07:01:05

There is a high waisted difference between the two… although the Duff does look better from the front than she does from the side, non? This is the catch, I think, with the high waist issue. Unless you’re ten feet tall, inevitably, there’s an angle that ends up being unflattering. Especially if big tits are involved. Full Story

Shelfy Stomps Her Feet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 27, 2008 06:43:15 May 27, 2008 06:43:15

Who’s the little Shelfy pouting in the corner? There’s the little Shelfy who needs more attention. Poor little petulant Shelfy has spent weeks off the headlines. That’s why the little Shelfy is stomping her feet. And putting her publicist right back to work. You see, Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has been stuck on a movie set with Jake Gyllenhaal who apparently read her the riot act, telling her in no uncertain terms that she was not to pull her usual paparazzi shenanigans and arrange “candids” from the set of their movie Nailed which has been filming over the last several weeks and recently shut down production reportedly from lack of funding. Full Story

Golden Girl & Lonely Boy hold hands

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 27, 2008 06:20:12 May 27, 2008 06:20:12

SPOILER! Was totally over Serena until the season finale of Gossip Girl but the fact that there’s a promising summer ahead without Dan Humphrey is definitely winning me back. How f*cking amazing was it that the show ended with the words: I"m Chuck Bass. But while their characters may be at an impasse, Blake and Penn Badgley are clearly still going strong despite their denials. Full Story

Dog Whisperer Book Giveaway!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 27, 2008 06:14:09 May 27, 2008 06:14:09

It’s the Ultimate Episode Guide to Cesar’s show indexed according to breed and behavioural problem. Thanks to the Dog Whisperer, my husband now thinks he’s like the Polish Cesar Milan. Even though our dog is still an asshole. His excuse is that Marcus has no respect for me. That I’m simply his Food Bitch. Full Story

May 27, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 27, 2008 06:08:55 May 27, 2008 06:08:55

We think we’re up to date on shout out requests. If we’ve missed yours – a thousand apologies. Please do resend and it’ll go up ASAP. To Amy – Happy quarter century and congratulations on your Master’s degree! Thanks for being there since Grade 7, for the good smut and the bad smut. Full Story

Monday, May 26, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Am home from Cannes. No travel for another 3 weeks until we head home to Toronto for a huge party – are you coming??? – which means blogging returns to regular schedule.

We left for the airport at 5am on Friday morning. We could see Diddy’s yacht from our flat and I remember, as we pulled away in the taxi, the beats from his party were still pounding across the pier. I could have sworn also that I heard Lindsay Lohan telling someone to F*CK OFF at the top of her lungs. More on Lilo’s Sapphic adventures to come.

It’s Monday – am posting all day, check back often!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Part 1 of Photo Negotiation is not Pam Anderson. Part 2 is who you think it is.

PPS. Marcus came to pick me up at the airport on Friday and insisted on riding shotgun, on top of my broken arm, all the way home. F&cker.

Gwyneth Goes Back to Bard

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 26, 2008 09:59:08 May 26, 2008 09:59:08

She is, after all, totally English now. It was announced last week – a new production of King Lear is underway with Sir Anthony Hopkins as the title character, my Gwyneth as Regan, and Keira Knightley as Cordelia. But of course it’s Keira Knightley as Cordelia. Can’t Keira ever play the villain? Just once??? Am looking forward to watching Gwyneth be hateful. Full Story

Where’s Ali Lohan?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 26, 2008 08:55:00 May 26, 2008 08:55:00

Entertainment Weekly has compiled a list of 33 of the hottest celebrities over 50. Among them: Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, Susan Sarandon, Denzel, Bruce Willis, Ian McKellen (yes yes yes!), Iman (this bitch is 50???), Angela Bassett, and Jessica Lange (totally disagree. Full Story

Why Kiki’s So Happy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 26, 2008 08:16:49 May 26, 2008 08:16:49

There have been allegations that my Kiki has fallen off the wagon several times. And while it is entirely possible that she’s using again, she has also reported to work on the set of All Good Things after satisfying insurance standards which is a good sign. And why not? Especially since the motivation for reporting to work is Ryan Gosling. Full Story