May 26, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 26, 2008 06:11:42 May 26, 2008 06:11:42

To Rachel in Ottawa - Sheena hopes "the goddess" enjoyed her adventures in London! Happy belated 28th Birthday to Jenna. You’ve been an amazing friend through a few bumpy rides. Love, Mel. To Sara B – Happy belated 34th. Hope you had the best weekend ever. From Mel in Missouri to you in California, she can’t wait for your visit in 3 weeks! To Kathleen M – happy belated birthday from Lynn! Much respect for your patient but impressive flirting skills that have paid off in the form of a super shy “monkey looker” who you’ve been crushing on for years. Full Story

Friday, May 23, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Last night at the AMFAR gala - watching how Madonna moves, the hysteria around"s actually MORE dramatic than the Brange. There was a point where Dylan thought I was going to be killed. Or at least break my other arm.

Not even at the Oscars...have never been on a carpet that crazy. And never mind Mimi, there is no entourage like Madge"s entourage. More on that later.

Am headed home today. Reunited with my boys! Yay!

The column will go back to normal on Monday. Til then have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 23, 2008 11:09:29 May 23, 2008 11:09:29

Two flight down, one to go. Am in between airports. Sorry blogging sucky. Promise to be back to regular frequency of posting on Monday.

Thank you, love you, owe you.

The photos are actually more flattering (Hollywood Tuna)

J Lo changes diapers??? (Dlisted)

More Disney jailbait (INO)

Beyonce and Bond (Holy Moly UK)

Alanis"s Angst on Today (Celeb|itchy)

How Madge Moves

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 23, 2008 10:14:49 May 23, 2008 10:14:49

Fifteen minutes before Madonna arrived on the carpet her personal trainer hustled in with some other dude pulling a glossy suitcase behind him. Now that"s preparation. Amazing. Guy was lingering around in a corner waiting for her too. Then they cleared everyone but security and her entourage from the entire carpet. Full Story

Sharon for AMFAR

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 23, 2008 05:48:16 May 23, 2008 05:48:16

No doubt she"s a crazy bitch. Loopy as all sh-t, unpredictable and prone to frequent and freakish incoherent outbursts. But last night Sharon Stone was there for AMFAR. As she is every year. And because she was there for AMFAR, she was working it for AMFAR on her best behaviour. The fact is, as we all know, there is no cure for AIDS. Full Story

Josh & Diane find a place

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 23, 2008 05:41:30 May 23, 2008 05:41:30

Diane Kruger is a big deal in France. When she arrived last night with Joshua Jackson, the crowd outside erupted and Canal +, the French network live broadcasting the AMFAR carpet listed her as one of only 7 or 8 interviews planned from the event. So it"s actually the standard wherever they go. Diane is considered the A star and no one gives a sh-t about Josh. Full Story

Marchesa in real life

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 23, 2008 05:36:00 May 23, 2008 05:36:00

It"s a mystery, the two of them together: Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman. Seeing them in person though, it makes a little more sense. She doesn"t seem know what I mean? He arrived more underdressed than any other man at the event. Cheap looking shoes and a suit with what looked like cheese stains on it. Full Story

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Grey Goose put on the best party during Oscar week and Grey Goose did it again last night in Cannes at the Grey Goose Soho House bash that was held in this crazy ass chateau overlooking the Riviera.

You know that scene in Shakespeare in Love, when Will first sees Viola dancing, just after Colin Firth rides up in his horse all pompous and amazingly assy? Remember Essex coming through the gates down a gravel path up to the house?

That was the scene last night. A gravel path illuminated by torchlight that opened up onto a courtyard in front of a stone castle that"s been standing for five centuries.

Seriously, the place was sick and the Grey Goose was free flowing, as was the lobster tail, and the excess, and we were totally pampered, and there was a spectacular view and still I overheard some twat complaining that there were no cigarette girls with tobacco trays slung around their necks offering Marlboros and somehow that made the party less pleasing.

This is how they live. Can you imagine?

Several celebrities were floating about the place. Dylan got totally cockblocked by Julian Lennon which was kinda cool. He was workin" on some girl when the Beatle spawn cut in and took over and later on they exchanged the "dude eye handshake" - Julian acknowledging his foul and Dylan absolving him nonchalantly. Men can be so much more advanced in certain situations, non?

Anyway, Scott Speedman was there - sooooo hot - with his costar Rachel Blanchard and I"m convinced they"re together even though rumours are abuzz that he and Liv Tyler have it going on and Jude Law was somewhere inside and everyone was waiting around for Madonna who, every now and again, likes to drop in at Soho House, but by that point we"d put back several Grey Goose Cannes specials and I couldn"t wait in line for the loo any longer and I hate holding pee so we called it a night but not before running into Rose McGowan who is hobbling around on a broken foot. We shared a moment of gimpy camaderie - I think her pain meds are way better than mine - and Dylan started giving her his infamous vibe and even though her face is crumbling she has the air of a girl who is unforgettable in bed and seeing her last night if my bladder would have cooperated I totally would have pimped Dylan off to find out.

Somehow when we came home, more Grey Goose had materialised which is probably why I woke up this morning with a fine vodka mist hovering around me like the vapor from a superhero movie with its own personality, demanding to be placated by a pick-me-up glass of champagne.

Tonight is our last. It"s also AMFAR, the most f*cked up carpet of all carpets. Madonna is coming so it"ll be even worse. On the opposite end of the fame spectrum, Mischa Barton is expected too. My elbow will seek its revenge.

All the smut from AMFAR and Diddy"s party tonight at VIP Room coming up in late day posts. Final day in Cannes...

Yours in gossip,


Smut Loves the Low Road

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2008 08:30:46 May 22, 2008 08:30:46

Good form would be to refrain from warring publicly. To let the lawyers do the talking, like Paul McCartney, and take the high road. Charlie Sheen doesn"t even know what the high road looks like. Why would he? Especially against a low road whore like Denise Richards...his ex wife? Denise of course is currently out and about promoting that waste of sh*t reality show of hers in which she exploits her girls. Full Story

Hard for Nat in Cannes

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 22, 2008 06:45:00 May 22, 2008 06:45:00

My husband as you know has been photo editing for my gimpy arm. I have also lost all internet connection so we"re blogging from the blackberry. As such, he has been scouring photos for me while I write. Suddenly he"s all about the smut. What was a man who couldn"t give a sh-t about the gossip has now become a bonafide Brad Angelina stalker. Full Story

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