Karl’s Army

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 19, 2007 00:00:00 May 19, 2007 00:00:00

Karl hates Jessica Simpson but he loves Posh and he loves Lilo. In fact, this is what he once said about the Dirty Face: She"s somebody you want to protect, because she plays dangerously with her own life. She behaves like an over grown up person, and that"s what I like about her. It"s like she"s 45, but in fact, she"s 20. Full Story

Talking to Jessica Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 19, 2007 00:00:00 May 19, 2007 00:00:00

But first… I have to tell you about Joe. It was my first time seeing Papa Joe – total sleazy business vibe but the first thing I noticed…this nearly killed me… was his tie. For all the money he gets from pimping his girls, you’d think he could afford something more modern? Look at it! Nothing unsexier than a bad tie, non? OK… so back to Jess. Full Story

Friday, May 18, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Sorry I’m late… it was one of those nights last night, you know? The go-to-bed-without-removing-your-makeup kind of night?

Have covered the Toronto International Film Festival and Sundance but when it comes to parties, when it comes to debauchery and excess, there really is nothing like Cannes. And the stereotype about the Euro jet set party circuit?

Totally true. T

These people are crazy. The amount of money they spend is crazy. Champagne flowing like it’s water, billionaires with mail order model brides, socialites and social climbers throwing themselves at each other, cocaine all over the loo, and of course the celebrities – from the D List to the A list – present and playing and feeling no pain.

Playboy Party last night at the VIP Club, Jude Law was there in a section heavily guarded by security …but who is Jude Law compared to Pamela Anderson? In that situation, he was minor. My champagne-tinged observations on the way.

Friday – blogging all afternoon, check back often for new posts. Will also be updating over weekend. A certain tranny is having a party tonight…keep you posted.

Yours in gossip,
Lainey

The Opposite of Gong Li

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 18, 2007 00:00:00 May 18, 2007 00:00:00

This is what Bai Ling chose to wear to the Shanghai Baby photocall today…are you surprised? She is the reason why some idiots still think Asian girls are good for massages and are really bendy in bed. I mean it’s one thing to rebel against Hello Kitty, it’s another to permanently encourage the Ching Chong Mail Order Bride…which is exactly the consequence. Full Story

Gong Li in an elevator

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 18, 2007 00:00:00 May 18, 2007 00:00:00

Been a fan of Gong Li for a long, long time – my mother always tell me I have a bent face, lopsided and droopy to the left…which is why I’ve always identified with her. Gong Li has a little benty face too. In her case however she’s gorgeous. So I was a little disappointed to see her not looking so great on the carpet at the Cannes Opening Ceremony on Wednesday night. Full Story

Best Cover Ever

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 18, 2007 00:00:00 May 18, 2007 00:00:00

They could have done the expected and made it all cool and slick…Johnny Depp and Keith Richards, two of the coolest and slickest, on the cover of Rolling Stone. But instead it’s sweet, and loving, and endearing and even honest… I love it. Do you love it? Keith of course is playing Captain Jack’s father in Pirates 3 as it is now widely known that Johnny based his interpretation of the character on Keith and was instrumental in bringing him on board for the third instalment:"He was one of the people I admired for what he"s done and how he"s handled it. Full Story

The Star of Cannes

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 18, 2007 00:00:00 May 18, 2007 00:00:00

It hurt to write that. Excruciating pain. But during a week of sin and sex, when things get going at 2am, who else could be Queen but Pamela Anderson. She was flown out for a day to promote her sh-t ass movie Blonde and Blonder and also to promote the new Cannes Nikki Beach (a club). We were there for an hour or so last night – it was decadent Euro cheese at its finest: men with chains and tight shirts, women dancing on tables, bad house beats thump thump thumping, every accent imaginable…and some woman singing along to the music, random words from other well known songs ripped off to match whatever melody just happened to be playing and then screeching – NIKKI BEACH! – every 5 seconds. Full Story

Hollywood Ebola Concedes

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 18, 2007 00:00:00 May 18, 2007 00:00:00

Do you smell something stank? I smell something stank. Paris Hilton has dropped her appeal, deciding not to fight her prison sentence and submitting to the mandated 23 days as amended by the LA Sheriff’s Department…which means it’s willing to go to jail. Hollywood Ebola willingly locked up? Trust me, this bitch is cooking something. Full Story

Little Sci on the set!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 18, 2007 00:00:00 May 18, 2007 00:00:00

Little Sci and Katie on the set of Mad Money in Louisiana – super cute, non? Trademark Mapother jet straight hair… and by Mapother I mean Thomas Cruise Mapother (his full name) and also his cousin William Mapother to whom many of you say Little Sci bears a striking resemblance. Snort. So anyway, as previously reported, the First Family of Scientology has temporarily moved to Shreveport while Mom works - Little Sci spending quality time with the GMD as creepy minders make sure Katie doesn’t stray too far from her teachings. Full Story

Please just rock The Buzz

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 18, 2007 00:00:00 May 18, 2007 00:00:00

No matter how bad she looks bald or buzzed, it can’t be worse than this. And I have a sinking suspicion she probably looks rather cute with her hair growing out – sexy in a hard ass kind of way. But just as we saw with her low classy wig collection, Britney is going budget on extensions with gaping holes and ratty corns at the back of her head. Full Story

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Dear Gossips,

The amazing thing about Cannes is how random it is. There are the mega-celebrities, there are the international superstars – having finally seen Aishwarya Rai in person…now I totally get it. Woman is beyond beautiful.

But then there’s Billy Zane. Billy who? Exactly. Only thing I can recall about Billy Zane without Google is that he was the bad guy in Titanic…and if you have to be Googled to be remembered, do you really count? Especially if you’re a total cheeseball?

And then there’s that Victoria Silvstedt woman – some kind of pin up doll I would have never known but for a pappy video taken of her several months ago getting, um, culinarily sampled in the nether regions by an old rich fart. Next thing you know, she shows up last night at the Opening Ceremony during the VIP portion of the arrivals… WTF?

But enough of the D List. There were models and billionaires everywhere, there were actors everywhere, and then there was Juliette Binoche.

There are no words for Juliette Binoche. An Oscar for The English Patient, yes, but for me it will always be The Unbearable Lightness of Being and of course: It’s your favourite. Did you love Chocolat?

Wednesday – posting between screenings and shoots. Seinfeld today! Check back often, scroll down for a late post you may have missed...

Yours in gossip,
Lainey

PS. Over two weeks in Cannes requires a lot of clothing. My thanks and love to Heather at Kiss & Makeup for styling me at the last minute! Kiss & Makeup will be adding apparel to the growing list of goodies at the apothecary. Kiss & Makeup Apparel launches soon and they will have the line that everyone wants: Alice + Olivia. I’m telling you, if you haven’t already, try the pants. The pants fit like no other…even for someone carrying around 12 pounds of not smoking, the pants rock ass. Also my new obsession – my Cynthia Vincent shoes, see attached below, available now at Kiss & Makeup. Will wear these for Jakey G and Daniel Craig in a few days. Hopefully both at the same time.