Iran So Jakey

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 1, 2007 07:27:35 October 1, 2007 07:27:35

Did you watch SNL this weekend? If not, you MUST click here – yet another classic Digital Short this time featuring cameos by Adam Levine and his cheese ass voice and also the bearded beautiful Jakey. Seriously, listen to the lyrics. Full Story

On the beach with Three Whiskers?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 1, 2007 07:15:30 October 1, 2007 07:15:30

No confirmation if they were actually “together” but Jennifer Aniston spent the weekend doing what she does best – sunning herself at a resort in Mexico and Orly Bloom happened to be there as well. Jen and Orly hooking up? If so, it’s a brilliant pairing. Jen of course is a sensitive one. Full Story

Friday Night Pee

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 1, 2007 00:00:00 October 1, 2007 00:00:00

A gift that yields many rewards. Love, love, love. Here’s John Mayer stepping out for the first time in the spotlight with his new piece in Santa Monica this weekend, clearly with no intention of keeping it quiet. Her name is Minka Kelly and since most of you shamefully don’t watch Friday Night Lights, she plays Lyla, former head cheerleader dating the fallen star QB who then ends up having hot hot hot sex with his best friend before getting back together with her now crippled boyfriend until he cheats on her with a tattoo artist. Full Story

Three White Bikinis

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 1, 2007 00:00:00 October 1, 2007 00:00:00

Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon – they’ve applied for a marriage license, will have one year to make it official but is claiming they actually did it this weekend. says they didn’t. Full Story

Friday, September 28, 2007

Dear Gossips,

My parents have sold their dream house and they are moving. They’re getting on, they’ve retired, they’re downsizing, and they want to travel the world. Everything has been cleared and I’m sleeping on a surprisingly cozy cot in my bedroom for the last, last, last weekend at home. Thought I would be sad but thankfully my mother has taken care of that with my birthday present.

Remember – this is a woman who expects ME to call HER on MY birthday to thank her for being alive. This year, with the stress of the move upon her, she really outdid herself.

I challenge you to to try to best this. Bet your boob job you can’t.

On my 34th birthday my mother gave to me… an econopack of my favourite brand of eyedrops. From Costco of course. Unfortunately, eyedrops don’t help with Hangover Bloat Face. Now I know what Ryan Phillippe feels like every morning.

Friday – am online blogging all day from Toronto. Check often!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Happy Birthday to Julie (or should I say Hulie?) in London from the Wilson sisters. They miss you, they’re sorry to have had to cancel, but they do love you dearly.

PPS. And to Lauren from her sister Siobhan… Happy 22nd. Am thrilled and honoured you’ve both been reading for so long. Have a lovely, lovely day.

The Ultimate Overreach

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 28, 2007 14:10:30 September 28, 2007 14:10:30

Turns out ego is contagious. And Pipsqueak Justin Timberlake has passed it on to the Shelf Ass. How else can you explain this move? Earlier this week it was reported that Jessica Biel was in talks to star at Wonder Woman in the new super hero movie Justice League of America. Entertainment Weekly is now confirming that she TURNED DOWN the part, essentially giving up the opportunity to be the face of a franchise. Full Story

The Future Feud

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 28, 2007 00:00:00 September 28, 2007 00:00:00

Every season of television features a feuding cast. Last year it was Grey’s Anatomy – the show that now sucks major ass. The year before it was Desperate Housewives. Bet your boob job there will be two blondes at the centre of some major network drama this season now that Kristen Bell has joined the cast of Heroes. Full Story

And So It Should Be

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 28, 2007 13:43:19 September 28, 2007 13:43:19

Driving drunk repeatedly? Yes please do charge him. Kiefer Sutherland is officially facing two misdemeanour counts of DUI and could be looking at 18 months in prison which of course is why he’s hired high powered attorney Blair Berk. Seems like all Berk clients get to walk, although word is Kiefer will be appearing before the same judge who tore Paris Hilton a new asshole. Full Story

Rossum Won’t Wear Jeans

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 28, 2007 09:25:10 September 28, 2007 09:25:10

How often have you seen Rossum in jeans? No seriously…think about it. At her age, with her youth, you’d think it’d be more often, non? But remember – she has the soul of a century old opera singer. Just another reason why Emmy Rossum is just so f*cking annoying. So here she is at a charity pool tournament last night. Full Story

New Classic Mimi Cheese

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 28, 2007 08:07:13 September 28, 2007 08:07:13

What’s the difference between Rossum and Mimi Cheese? Rossum makes you want to drill a hole into your skull through the eyeball. Mimi Cheese just makes you giggle. Mimi is amusing. Laughing at her is fun. And while this is certainly not her objective, at the same time, she is providing pleasure and not pain. Full Story

Why Push?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 28, 2007 07:36:19 September 28, 2007 07:36:19

Almost, almost perfect, if not for two sadly pushed up tits that threaten to ruin her entire look. Check out Hilary Duff at the Spirit of Life award dinner last night. Fresh face, great makeup, the dress is a vision – I love the detailing on the band – so why? Why why why mash the boobs together and throw them OVER the top? It’s so Victoria Beckham, it’s so chavvy tacky, and totally totally unnecessary. Full Story