The Beckham Breast Sling Debuts in Paris

January 24, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 24, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This is what happens when your tits outweigh your body. Check it out – Victoria in Paris for the Gaultier show, six months ago she had to go as Katie’s plus one, but now that the $250 million has been made public, every designer is fighting for the right to rub himself all over her. See? Chav and Couture really CAN mix…except of course when it comes to her concrete tits. Full Story

Deviated Septum is the new Appendicitis?

January 24, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 24, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Us Weekly is reporting that Jennifer Aniston sought the services of Ashlee Simpson’s special nose doctor and underwent the knife herself on January 20th because…wait for it…she had a deviated septum that was preventing her from sleeping and breathing properly – the official word from her publicist Stephen Huvane who, as Us Weekly has also pointedly reported, hasn’t exactly been forthcoming with the truth on more than one occasion. Full Story

Three Whiskers gets a haircut

January 24, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 24, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

A big improvement actually – definitely a step in the right direction. You can’t change who you are, you know? And since he’ll never be a manly man, best to embrace the eternal boy within – the boy with inadequate facial hair and an overpowering air of Fem. But while it’s wonderful to see that Bloomy is accepting the inevitable, it’s still a challenge to understand what in ass Penelope Cruz is doing with him. Full Story

Robo-Brides & Armani in Paris

January 24, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 24, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Burberry may have deemed her too Chav for their brand but clearly Armani doesn’t have the same issues – as you can see he can’t seem to take his hands off of her. Or maybe that’s only because she’s wearing his dress and promoting his new Parisian location? Regardless, both robo-brides seem to be enamoured of the Italian couturier who, as you recall, also designed Katie’s rather assy wedding dress, and the new BFFs showed up in matching black to offer support – Victoria in full skirt plastic princess prom dress, Katie continuing to channel the look of a 70 year old Manhattan socialite: love the top, hate the bottom and given her expression, I do believe she’s turning into Nicole Kidman. Full Story

Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Dear Gossips, SUCK IT Dreamgirls! A snub of colossal proportions, don’t you think? Hee. Other snubs? Brad Pitt for sure…so disappointing, though it doesn’t mean he won’t present with Angelina on his arm. Stay tuned… Have returned home from Sundance but not before running into Sienna Miller…again. This time the greasiest encounter, in more ways than one. More on that later. Also details re: Mandy Moore and Keri Russell in addition to whatever hell breaks loose today after nomination dust has settled. Tuesday – media day due to Oscars, will be blogging on the fly, check back often for fresh posts. Yours in gossip, Lainey

Leo: My #1 on the market?

January 23, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 23, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The UK Mirror is reporting that Leo’s modelising itch may need to be scratched after being caught at a club in London arguing on the phone, at one point screaming: "I"ve had enough of this." Naturally, all gossips are pointing to Bar Rafaeli but I prefer to fantasise about Gisele. Imagine it: Leo and Gisele have this on/off thing…they’re apart, he hooks up with a sort-of clone, though G is still tight with the family, he even drops by her birthday party, and just as he thought he could play 2 horses, she turns around and wraps her long legs around Tom Brady – not exactly an ugly duck. Full Story

Sienna Miller: Attention-whore at Burger King

January 23, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 23, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Saw her almost every day at Sundance…weird. So anyway, we’re leaving, we go through security at Salt Lake Airport, we decide to skip the classy sit-down restaurant and giv’er on some grease at the food court – perfect, there’s a Burger King. Am with my producer Laura from eTalk and our camera visionary Donovan, we order, we grab a table close to the counter, right by the soda foundations, I’m chowing down on an enormous Double Whopper (flamebroiled HEAVEN), and in walks Sienna Miller with her mother in tow. Full Story

Vanessa Paradis vs the Generic Blondes

January 23, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 23, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Call me Cruise, I know you won’t agree…but something about the fact that she never fixed her teeth – it totally turns me on. Vanessa Paradis, longtime love of Johnny Depp, at the Chanel show earlier today, sometimes open-mouthed, sometimes closed-mouthed, and really quite beautiful in her own indescribable way…like you want to keep looking at her, she is interesting to look at, she is absolutely NOT a generic blonde, unlike Diane Kruger and Kate Bosworth, sitting side by side – can you tell them apart? Can you really? Vanessa might be freaky, that gap is pretty frickin’ vast, but still…there’s a lot to be said for attitude and originality. Full Story

Tara Reid: ghetto tits get gangbanged

January 23, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 23, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

She may have tried to rid the ghetto from her ghetto boob job with more plastic surgery but how can you remove the dirty nasty skank from this girl’s skanky soul? Check out the clip at TMZ - hardcore footage of the ultimate in low classy courtesy of Tara and Akon after she willingly mounted him on stage during his performance. Full Story

Katie Holmes: Beautiful, Boring, and Braindead

January 23, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 23, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I’m not saying I don’t love the ensemble – it’s a very nice ensemble. At Paris Fashion Week with Posh, orgeous coat, lovely bag, trousers are fantastic, hair is …ok…but maybe not all together? Because all together she looks about 40. And there’s nothing wrong with 40 but there is something definitely wrong with 27 going on 40 because who at 27 wants to look almost 15 years older? And you can Oprah yourself to death on this one, lecturing about embracing age and forgoing the idolatry of youth but no woman, in her heart of hearts, would voluntarily slap on a decade unless she was being controlled by a Gay Midget Dwarf and his sinister team of scientologists eager to erase the public memory of an age gap. Full Story

Posh & Karl: Concrete Tits & The Bitchbeating Fan

January 23, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 23, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Ok…how can you not LOVE this? I. Worship. Posh in plastic glory and a killer pants suit with Le Karl himself at Paris Fashion Week trying to out-stoneface each other in a posing frenzy - now THAT’s what I call tacky-ass heaven. Not surprisingly, Victoria is in town spending more of David’s Galaxy money after checking in for a couple of days in Madrid which makes you wonder – almost an entire month away from home, away from her quivering hunk of a husband and his wandering golden balls… has David been tasting some last minute Spanish temptation before saying goodbye to Real forever? British gossips are buzzing, nothing concrete yet, but there is ALWAYS the possibility. Full Story