Most Appropriate: SJP

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The normally obsequious, over-extra, fawning, cloying Sarah Jessica Parker was replaced tonight but a beautifully understated and appropriately attired SJP. Not a nominee, not in contention, I love that for once she decided to downplay the desperation – baby breath voice kept in check, leaving the tail wagging, panting, “pick me pick me” pandering to Sienna Miller. Full Story

Best Quiverating Kazakh: Sacha Baron Cohen

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

If you’re about to pound out an indignant email about lack of class and propriety on an elegant evening – save the sanctimony…please. The man was AWARDED for a satirical performance about a racist, sexist ignorant beast – given that he earned that platform, what else did you expect him to say? Pictured here with his producer Azamat Bagatov – it’s official…Borat is NOT coming off the Freebie Five. Full Story

Best Body: Emily Blunt

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I have no idea why she always looks so dour. Would you look dour with a body like that? Thin but fit, slim yet strong, every inch sealed in perfectly, and a perky ass to round things out… tonight Emily Blunt was spectacular. That is until she spoke. The charmless speech, without grace or elegance, and that voice…that familiar voice - Emily as Emily in Prada except Emily the starved assistant bitch was on stage at the Globes and all of a sudden in a different venue it really wasn’t all that funny. Full Story

Worst Beyonce Ever: Beyonce at the Globes

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Considering her mother dresses her half the time, achieving an all time low at this years Globes really is quite remarkable…especially since Tina Knowles actually had nothing to do with this nightmare. And still she’s wearin’ it like it’s something to be proud of – it’s the curse of the child performer, you see? Britney, Lindsay, Beyonce …they’re f*ckin’ immune to this sh-t. Full Story

Worst Friend of Jennifer Aniston: Courteney Cox

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

No matter which way you slice it, this dress sucks donkey ass. ASS. All of it is ass - the fabric, the way it cuts off her arms, her makeup…all of it is ass. Southern. Belle. Ass. But curiously enough, those are also some very healthy looking breasts. Like expectant breasts. Shall we start a new rumour? Is Courteney Cox pregnant again? Source Full Story

Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Sweet victory in so many ways. Needless to say – hers is a great story, she deserves her success. But then there’s the B factor, how this must be eating B alive. And please…don’t bother arguing. Because it is most certainly eating her alive. And the best part is, not only was B’s ass handed to her during the awards, she was also eating dust on the carpet – Jennifer’s simple black dress a welcome contrast to the tacky ass drag queen otherwise known as Beyonce Knowles who has seen the end of her award season run… Praise Goddess. Full Story

Best Friend of Jennifer Aniston: Sheryl Crow

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

In eggplant Elie Saab and making Lance Armstrong look like a complete tool – don’t you love the way Sheryl bounces back? From heartbreak, from cancer, from the worst year of her life to the best she’s ever been…I was never a big fan of Sheryl Crow until Sheryl Crow shook off the Victim and wouldn’t it be lovely if Sheryl Crow passed on the same to Jennifer Aniston? Source Full Story

Best White: Salma Hayek

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I know. I know the photos don’t do her justice. I know that if you didn’t see any of the pre-show coverage or the show itself, you wouldn’t have seen the way it moved. The way her body moved across the stage, the way her curves filled this dress, the way her breasts flounced gently to and fro and her hips spoke their own special language…Salma so glamorous without looking like she tried too hard. Full Story

Best Breasts: Helen Mirren

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

At 62 with breasts like these? As my cousin Dexy said tonight – it’s dirty but it’s dirty dirty good. And now she’s just toying with us, isn’t she? The best answer to Paris Hilton and the blonde Hollywood vacuum, to the incessant worship of youth and illusion – of all the young bimbos farting around Hollywood, who can hold a candle to the magnificent Helen Mirren? Certainly not Paris Hilton. Full Story

Best Mismatch: Drew Barrymore

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So I know her face doesn’t match her neck, but only when you look up close…right? Besides that, doesn’t Drew look divine? Healthy and sweet and fresh and glowing and single and most of all, boobs NOT flailing from side to side – I admit it…I can’t resist Drew Barrymore. Full Story

Worst Old: Renee Zellweger

January 16, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 16, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Not even 40 but it’s like she creaks when she walks – do you hear it? Don’t get me wrong…the green is lovely, the dress is lovely, the shoes even more so but with the matron hair and the lemon pucker and the odd orange tint of her skin, it’s as though Renee has suddenly aged 20 years and at the same time, turned into Nicole Kidman. Full Story