Monday, March 26, 2007

Dear Gossips,

There was absolutely NO smutty emergency yesterday re: Britney. She was taken to hospital, it was supposedly a dental issue, she was released very quickly, the pappies lost their sh-t over nothing. And yes… I’m a conspiracy lover just as much as you…but these photos below taken upon her arrival at Century City Hospital don’t exact show an OD’ing bitch being carried inside to get her stomach pumped, you know what I mean?

Let’s focus on the positive, shall we?

She did NOT celebrate KFed’s birthday party in Vegas this weekend - VERY good news.  She is dancing again - also very good news. And it’s been five days since she exited rehab and we still haven’t seen her poonie – the best news. So call me Cruise but optimism rules. More on Britney below.

Monday – real time blogging, check back often for fresh posts.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Source

Britney: a comeback sign

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

Her body. At one time a temple, of late not so much. But a new sign has emerged, y’all. And it’s a very, very, very good sign. Check out her arm. Call me Cruise but I see definition in that arm. I see tone. And tone means she’s working out. And working out means she’s (somewhat) motivated. Full Story

Marriage & Business

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban – marriage is, for all intents and purposes, a contract…is it not? And so Nicole gets the gushing, the husband who calls her his “saviour”, a new image that she is the kind of woman who can transform a man. New interview with the Sunday Telegraph in the UK, Keith digs deep, deep into Celine Dion territory and pulls out a classic… so cheesy I’m surprised he didn’t save it for one of his equally cheesy songs. Full Story

Sapphic Sienna

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

Well well… isn’t this a shocker. Sienna Miller looking bombed out of her tree groping someone else’s girls. Looks like some innocent fun, non? Because Sienna would NEVER make out with a chick. Or a random dude. Or get sh-tfaced and lose control. No no. Sienna wouldn’t go there. Full Story

John Mayer: sheepish on the run

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

It’s been weeks, it’s so public, and still…John Mayer KNOWS. He knows his c*ck has led him astray. He knows his brain, his good sensibility, some say even his integrity – he knows it’s all been soiled by his libido. And so he skulks around sheepishly, wearing a smile that can only be described as embarrassed every time we see him dragging around his blonde fun-bags - this weekend after lunch in West Hollywood. Full Story

Granny Nic havin’ a baby… again?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

Once a month right? Nicole Kidman’s idea of menstruation apparently involves making people think she’s pregnant on a regular basis. Australian tabloids are reporting that Nicole Kidman and her employee husband are expecting thanks to fertility treatments. According to them, this time it’s like totally true because she’s “told her friends”. Full Story

Renee’s Favourite Dress

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

Always strapless, always knee-length, Renee Zellweger has a look and she always goes back. As you can see and as MANY of you love to point out, the look also includes foundation that doesn’t match and a healthy dose of Lemon Face...though truth be told, the sour suckage is actually quite restrained here. Full Story

Jennifer Lopez: Sweat & Ass

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

Two sightings in Berlin, continuing her tireless promotional campaign in support of the Spanish album. Now you might hate her but you also have to admire her: how many other big bummed girls would rock the high waist like this? I love that she has never fallen victim to the Hollywood “standard”, I love that she bucks the Hollywood “standard” with that Shelf Ass, I love that she is always, shamelessly, a Cheesy diva, and that she walks around expecting a halo to glow right over her Cheesy Diva head. Full Story

Victoria Beckham: Concrete & Spanx?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

Out for dinner the other night – Becks is the hotness, as usual, but check out the Posh. Love the hair, LOVE IT! Hate the dress, hate the bridesmaid strappy heels, concrete tits on full display, and ummm, she’s not wearing hose… so… is that a Spanx line? I’ve circled attached. Full Story

Post-Rehab Britney

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

Blue contacts, out for sushi with the girls, dance sessions two days in a row, a toothache and a paparazzi panic… so far so good. Especially since she did not join Kevin in Vegas for his party although he took the boys with him, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Word is he’s holding on to them until she proves she can stay clean, at which point he’ll demand a substantial settlement as compensation for his part in saving her life. Full Story

Karma Hits Two Bitches

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 26, 2007 12:00:00 March 26, 2007 12:00:00

As Dina Lohan would say… Justice!   And this is what happens when you attack the elderly with a laptop and destroy someone else’s property.  Denise Richards and Pamela Anderson sued by two photographers stemming from the Laptop Incident last fall, during which Denise charged up several flights of stairs and allegedly assaulted the two men before snatching their computers and pitching them over the ledge, striking a little old lady accompanied by another little old lady who managed to escape unscathed. Full Story