Friday, January 5, 2007
Dear Gossips, Apparently no one is buying the Lilo appendicitis report, especially now that Page Six has revealed she was supposed to report for duty on the set of her new movie and just happened to fall ill yet again. Coincidence or conspiracy? Received a brilliant theory from Dodi in Denver yesterday, speculating below on the latest Lindsay hospitalization, attributing this visit to bloat reduction via lipo as opposed to the official publicist-sanctioned health scare: If Lindsay wanted to lose 10 pounds of unwanted bloat, how many liters would she need to have liposuctioned off? A litre weighs 34 fluid ounces (we’ll stick to fluid ounces here), and we all know that 16 ounces is one pound. If Lindsay, hypothetically of course, had all 5 litres lipo’d off at one time (because, as we’ve learned from Dr. 90210, you cannot lipo more than 5 liters off at one time), she’d loose 170 liquid ounces – or 10.63 pounds. So if she wanted to lose 10 pounds of bloat exactly, she’d need to lipo 2 litres off each thigh, and .94 litre from under her chin and jowl area. Put her on a liquid diet for her recovery and the possibilities are endless. Brilliant, non? Friday – live blogging, check back often, have a great weekend! Yours in gossip, Lainey PS. This is for Michele, up late with a new baby, catching up on smut while she’s breastfeeding: Digits is not Dominic Monaghan from Lost. No offence but you need someone MUCH MUCH MUCH better looking and running from something decidedly more tangible.

Saggy Ass Revealed!

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You thought Tori Spelling and Tara Reid, even Paris Hilton, but not surprisingly, no one guessed Kate Moss. Model perfection is so deceiving, non? And look - I’d trade my lumpy butt and every other body part for every one of hers any day, but still…it’s a little different without the airbrush/photoshoppe artistry, isn’t it? Even for arguably the most successful supermodel of all time, even she has what you have, even she has the folds and the dimples and the gravity-affected arse…just probably in a smaller package. Full Story

Gold: Tacky Trash for B, 3 Times Sweet for Canada!

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Sorry non-Canadians, but like I said yesterday, we f&ckin’ own this game. Well done Juniors!!! And… Not well done Britney. Gold, gawdy, tits down to her ankles, all kinds ugly – pile on the disparaging adjectives, giddy’up, giv’er…she deserves it all. Oh and take a trip down memory lane too – three years ago, zit cream and ciggies. Full Story

The Daily Gorgessity: Lucy Liu

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

At her movie premiere last night – unfortunately some straight-to-dvd project starring Cedric the Entertainer. Still…in sharp contrast to Bai Ling and her massage parlour antics… Lucy is a lovely Hollywood example for my people. Dress, shoes, makeup, hair, body, everything is total perfection… and unlike me, she rocks the Chinese wonky eye with wonderful aplomb. Full Story

Purple Posh Goes Shopping

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Well…what else is new? Shopping in London wearing a motherhonkin’ huge emerald, concrete tits disappointingly concealed. Word is she and Becks were supposed to join the British crowd in Thailand over New Year’s but I’ve just heard a rumour that they were paid something crazy like $6 million to be in Japan instead. Full Story

Guess the Ass

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The saggy, stretchmarked and cellie-filled ass … to whom does it belong? The answer later today, accompanied by some smutty details! Photo from Flynet for use exclusively at LaineyGossip.com.  Full Story

Pip talks Dick in a Box

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

In spite of my feelings about his loin appeal – or lack thereof – JT’s Dick in a Box video from SNL a few weeks ago was all time for me. ALL TIME. If you haven’t seen it, click here, laugh your arse off. So anyway, Justin on Leno last night, discussing among other things the making of the classic, and trying to decide on a family friendly substitute for the word DICK: Fun gun, Love Pump… They eventually settled on Spirit Stick. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: Tranny in Red

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Labouring again for Pervy Joe, this time shooting an ad for Pizza Hut, jammed into a red dress, tacky ass hair and lips – see what I mean? When she tries to go glam, she only ends up looking like a tranny. SO much better stripped down and natural...and perhaps getting pissed on too. But we’ll never see those shots, will we? Then again, maybe we will. Full Story

Hilary Swank: Bucktooth in Black

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Premiere of Freedom Writers, Hilary Swank in a gorgeous black dress, showing off her beautiful back, and a new not attractive fringe to go along with her could-be-cute-but-not-anymore-because-she-sold-out-her-ex husband’s-addiction-for-no-reason-whatsoever beaver bucks. How did Hilary Swank become a 2 time Oscar winner? I don’t get it. Full Story

Britney’s Mea Culpa

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Some of you may think she’s indefensible, justifiably so. But as Cruise as this sounds – I think Britney is a survivor. Somehow, someway, she’ll claw herself back, only to self destruct all over again. And that is why she’s endlessly fascinating. New message posted on her website, a personal acknowledgment of the things she’s done wrong and a promise that she’ll be pulling her sh-t together. Full Story

Scarjo & The Pip?

January 5, 2007 12:00:00 Posted at January 5, 2007 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Say it ain’t so. Whispers for days, now even People Magazine is alluding to a growing closeness, taking pains to mention Scarlett’s casual visit with JT and his mother at the Alpha Dog afterparty on Wednesday night, describing an hour long chat with Mother Timberlake and a comfortable presence around all of his friends/co-stars. Full Story