Jessica Alba: MTV Bland

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

On one hand she’s hiding that slammin’ body underneath a red pouffy, on the other she’s currently on the cover of GQ posing lustfully in a bikini – Ryan Gosling and his boys were thumbing through a copy at a 7/11 the other night in Vancouver. She brings out the booty when it’s convenient, and shuts it down when she wants a new script. Full Story

Jessica & Jessica: MTV Battle of the "Actresses"

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

Two tv girls trying to be taken for thespians, on some kind of delusional Oscar hunt, who sadly can’t accept that they will NEVER be Natalie Portman. As such, both are swallowing their sexpots, their true selves suppressed for a pipe dream. The result? In the end, who the f*ck cares??? Just show us your ass! Full Story

Mandy Moore: MTV Real

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

She’s brave, she’s courageous, she is existing and thriving in Hollywood while refusing to fit herself into the Thin Box. Mandy Moore deserves our love, non? Not really down with the dress, the dress is made of Prom. But am totally down with how she wears it, full on curvaceous and full on sexy. Full Story

Josh Duhamel: MTV Beautiful

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

Sooooooo hot. So hot. Josh Duhamel on hand to pimp Transformers and present an award – such a good looking manboy, too bad about that nastiness on his arm, you know? Though to be fair, she wasn’t completely unfortunate last night. To be fair, she was actually rather palatable – plain black dress, killer body, no ghetto ass clip on nails … but I digress. Full Story

Eva Mendes: MTV Boring

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

Eva Mendes hurts me. Because she is sooooo lovely. Which is why her dressing problem is particularly painful. The wasted potential is painful. That dress is painful. And this bag…this bag is most painful of all. On its own? For lunch at The Ivy? Giv’er. But on a carpet? Dump that sh-t on a publicist and go hands free! So bland, so underwhelming, so not worthy of Eva Mendes…a knockout who doesn’t stand out. Full Story

Dane Cook: MTV Bloat

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

Dane Cook might want to chillax on the beer – a little Vince Vaughn is growing around his face, can you see it? The hype around Dane died down quicker than I thought it would. Employee of the Month fell far short of expections, could have been the Jessica Simpson effect, but suffice to say, longevity of his career hangs in the balance. Full Story

The Double Hotness

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

Ricky Bobby and Borat – Best Kiss. And did they ever. But the foreplay was good too. Sacha insisting their kiss meant more, Will denying and suppressing his hot homo loving, Sacha open hand slapping him before coming together, smashing together literally by lips and body, falling to the ground, unable to control their need for SexyTime. Full Story

The Hotness

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

Did you know Borat is writing a book? Two books? Borat Travel Guides due out next year – best idea ever, non? So Borat won Best Comedic Performance last night. Sacha stood to accept on behalf of the Kazakh, sexy as all hell. And soon to be a father too. Isla is pregnant, showing, and glowing. Adorable. Full Story

Jack Generation Gap

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

Talk about out of place. Thing is, most of the time, say at the Oscars or the Globes, Jack Nicholson is one cool cat. But at an MTV event? Didn’t work for me… Especially when he tried to marry the troops with his villainy during his acceptance speech…wtf? Having said that, I always wonder – it’s Jack. Full Story

Sarah Silverman Forever

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

“In a couple of days, Paris Hilton is going to jail. The judge says it’s going to be a no-frills things. That is ridiculous. She is going to get special treatment. For instance, to make her more comfortable in jail, I heard the guards were going to paint the bars like penises. I know, I think it’s wrong, too. Full Story

MTV Movie Awards

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2007 00:00:00 June 4, 2007 00:00:00

Johnny Depp showed up to accept on behalf of Pirates. Because Johnny Depp is not above it. So uncheesy, so sincere, uncomfortable in the environment, yes, but still. Still, always, forever…SO cool. In his 40s and still the coolest man in the building. Sigh. Anyway, the awards themselves don’t matter, do they? All that matters is who wore what and that Cam D kicked some Biel shelf ass on the carpet. Full Story