Papa Perv F*cks Up Again

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 10:50:52 January 15, 2008 10:50:52

Jessica Simpson’s career is in deep sh*t. She can’t sell a movie, she can’t sell pop music so she’s trying her hand at country music… but now Texas hates her ass. And if her home state hates her ass, how the hell is she going to move a country record? Blame Joe Simpson. Full Story

Shelf Ass can’t do Period Pieces

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 10:20:38 January 15, 2008 10:20:38

Edward Norton’s The Illusionist could have been a much stronger feature if not for its poor choice in leading lady. Face it –Jessica Biel is not Keira Knightley, or Natalie Portman, or Kirsten Dunst. And she cannot pull off those “period piece” looks…to say nothing of that atrocious accent. Full Story

OK! says she’s OK!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 00:00:00 January 15, 2008 00:00:00

OK! Magazine is reporting that my Gwyneth has returned home after being hospitalised yesterday. Said her publicist Stephen Huvane: "Gwyneth is fine and at home - we are not commenting further.”Funny that coming from Huvane, who always says he’s not commenting any further but always does comment further, especially as it relates to Jennifer Aniston, also his client. Full Story

FILA Ebola

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 08:45:23 January 15, 2008 08:45:23

If I were on the board at FILA, I’d be cashing in my shares in getting the f&ck out. Because in hiring Hollywood Ebola Paris Hilton as a spokesvirus, the brand has officially been infected. Which means their products are now contaminated and stocks will eventually plummet. Trust. Because remember – Paris Hilton’s black hole vagina spreads her disease unmercifully… killing everyone and everything in her path. Full Story

Get Well Gwyneth

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 08:11:12 January 15, 2008 08:11:12

My Gwynnie!!! My Gwynnie is sick! Gwyneth Paltrow was taken to hospital yesterday, slumped over in a wheelchair pushed by Chris Martin. Her publicist is calling it a “personal matter”. Still... there are positive signs.  Apparently a baggie with macriobiotic treehugger food was brought to her later on from some organics store later on. Full Story

Jennifer Aniston Pays Racists???

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 00:00:00 January 15, 2008 00:00:00

As I reported yesterday, Jennifer Aniston is currently shooting in Vancouver and is constantly attended to by 4 bodyguards who’ve come along with her for the duration of filming. Not only do they protect her, they also make sure she’s not photographed when she doesn’t want to be. Because Jennifer Aniston is a serious movie actor. Full Story

RoboBride on Letterman

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 07:33:22 January 15, 2008 07:33:22

Had to watch Katie Holmes on Letterman last night if only to see what was underneath yesterday’s red coat. It was short and it was white and Posh needs to train her on how to walk in those heels because the whole look fell apart as soon as she moved her legs. The problem, poor thing, is that she doesn’t know what to do when she doesn’t have to slouch, so accustomed is she to compensating for the GMD’s height restriction. Full Story

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Chicken Fried GMD?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 00:00:00 January 15, 2008 00:00:00

Several media outlets including Gawker and The Huffington Post linked to this video yesterday of Tom Cruise extolling the virtues of Scientology. Shot a few years ago, back when he was still Top Gun hot (ish), a painfully INarticulate GMD describes what he calls the “privilege” of being a Scientologist and then goes on to illustrate that privilege with his batsh*t crazy eyes. Full Story

Monday, January 14, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Now that we know who the winners turned out to be – damn it to hell that there was no show. Would’ve been nice to see Tina Fey, non?

Sigh. As my friend Duana wrote last night: I missed the silly pomp and the sillier circumstance.

Indeed, the No-Globes sucked ass. Awkward and cheesy and why do I need that simpering fool Billy Bush telling me that Cate Blanchett didn’t deserve to win because she was simply a “woman imitating a man”? It was a biopic, fool. In essence they were ALL imitating Bob Dylan. Who is a man!

And oh no Romo. Even though it was NOT Jessica Simpson’s fault the Cowboys ended the season in failure, Texas will blame the homegirl. This is what happens when daddy tells you to parade your new romance in a skybox during a football game. Time to Fire Daddy!

Chicken Fried weekend roundup, JT parties without Shelfy, and Little Sci makes an appearance… conveniently just before the Morton book hits the street.

Monday, live blogging, check back often!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Happy 30th Birthday Alex!

Katie’s Legs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 14, 2008 15:35:05 January 14, 2008 15:35:05

Never been a fan of her legs but damn… lately, when she doesn’t look like a recluse, she’s been turning everything up a notch! Continuing her promotional whirlwind in New York today for Mad Money, Katie headed to Letterman this afternoon in a very short skirt and red coat. Am now very curious to see what’s underneath. Full Story