What’s in it for John: Tits & Ass

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 17, 2007 12:00:00 April 17, 2007 12:00:00

Not that you didn’t already know but if you take a look at the double handful he gets to goose, in addition to a side order of fellatio courtesy of those Restylane-lips, it’s not hard to figure out why John Mayer has been shamed by his c*ck.Check out Jessica out on the town last night, Main ‘Mo in tow, squeezing herself into a tarty little outfit to hold herself over while John’s on tour in Toronto. Full Story

Kiki Brings it, Franco too

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 17, 2007 12:00:00 April 17, 2007 12:00:00

Wearing black at the Spidey press conference in Japan – the skirt, the simplicity, my Kiki looks divine, non? Here’s Kiki with what looks to be the full cast of Spiderman 3. Sam Raimi and Tobey look related, don’t they? As for James Franco…OK so he needs a nap and a shower. And I’m not sure why his pants are so tight. Full Story

Overrated goes to Letterman

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 17, 2007 12:00:00 April 17, 2007 12:00:00

Jessica Biel yesterday in NYC, presumably to promote Next starring Nicolas Cage, which looks like every other movie he’s made in the last 5 years. So does she look good? Well of course she looks good. Because that’s actually all she does. With a crazy shelf ass of course. But seriously, what ELSE can Jessica Biel do BUT go to the gym, go the beach, go walk the dog, go on Letterman with a great white dress and lovely red lipstick and Just. Full Story

Reining in Homo?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 17, 2007 12:00:00 April 17, 2007 12:00:00

They had him on a short leash for a long time. And then he earned their trust. He behaved for a decade. He made babies, he held the queer feather deep inside. So then they loosened up. They let him go to Toronto. To dress up in drag for a movie called Hairspray. They let him run wild and free, away from the shackles, to taste freedom for a few months as reward for toeing the line for so long, confident that he’d been completely rehabilitated, confident that the doctrine had “fixed” his problem. Full Story

A shot at the Freebie 5

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 17, 2007 12:00:00 April 17, 2007 12:00:00

Just announced yesterday – David Beckham and the LA Galaxy will play the Vancouver Whitecaps in Vancouver on October 3. So, like, I live in Vancouver. Do I want to beat down 20 thousand bitches for a shot at #2 on my List? Tough decision. Here’s David at practice the other day. Man is so fine I can’t stand it. Full Story

Edward Norton: Is He Poor?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 17, 2007 12:00:00 April 17, 2007 12:00:00

I suppose I can understand the decision on the part of Marvel Studios – Edward Norton plays dark and conflicted and morose and depressed better than almost anyone else. And what better adjectives to describe The Hulk? But according to early reports, the sequel to Ang Lee’s 2003 box office disaster will be “less serious” with a much more comic-book feel… like smash, wham, bam, no relevant dialogue, just visual hypnosis. Full Story

More “candids” from the Family Pitt

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 17, 2007 12:00:00 April 17, 2007 12:00:00

My favourite. Brad and Angie and their 2 middle children at Paramount Studios on Sunday. Not sure whether they’re dropping off or picking up, but there’s a good shot of Little Pax and of course Baby Z clinging to Daddy. Parents aren’t supposed to play preferences but gossips can, right? Zahara is my pet. Full Story

Kiki in Japan: pink, green, and Johnny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 17, 2007 12:00:00 April 17, 2007 12:00:00

Last week, the News of the World announced that my Kiki had been dumped, reporting a split from rocker Johnny Borrell who had supposedly returned to an ex-girlfriend. Which obviously explains why Johnny is with Kiki on Spidey 3 promo in Japan. Because that’s totally how broken-up couples act, non? Here she is looking blissed-out stoned, holding his hand, clearly still in love, clearly NOT single, and in the early stages of rolling out a killer blockbuster wardrobe to go with her highly anticipated killer blockbuster movie. Full Story

Monday, April 16, 2007

Dear Gossips,

We all have irrational, totally unreasonable pet peeves. For me it’s turned-out feet. For my friend Erin it’s people who can’t close their mouths – illustrated perfectly by Prince William: beaver bucks, big lips, can’t inhale through his nose, FAR from sexy…which is why I think Kate Middleton is much better off. Who wants to get mouth-breathed on for the rest of her life by a prematurely balding, emotionally stunted “art history” major?

If you ask me, she escaped an excruciatingly boring life. Well done.

Weekend catch up to follow including the Pitts’ planned outing, Britney thin and loopy, and my Kiki in the land of Hello Kitty.

Monday – live blogging all day, check back often for fresh posts.

Yours in gossip,
Lainey

PS. Another great Saturday Night Live. Fred Armisen’s Prince rendition never fails to kill me. But this week, the best sketch by far was the homage to John Mayer and Jessica Simpson. His spastic guitar playing, her spastic vocal gymnastics, and at the end, confirming what we all know: he’s a pig, she’s a hot piece of occasional tranny ass, and he enjoys pissing all over it. Click here for the clip - enjoy!

The Future Mrs Beckham

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

Brooklyn Beckham, that is. Madonna is in Malawi making the world a better place – fantastic. But Check out mom and Lola in matching fatigues – total gorgessity, non? Man I feel old. She’s 10 already – a decade of Madonna the Mother. In another decade, she’ll be dating… so can we play Dating Celebrity Babies? I say Lourdes and Brooklyn. Full Story

Welcome Back Rachel

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

Honoured this weekend at the GLAAD awards, dressed per usual in black, but this time, Jennifer Aniston managed to avoid looking boring. Actually rather sexy, non? And it’s all because of the body. A much healthier body. A body more similar to the early-Friends Rachel, before she met Brad, before the ghost of Gwyneth haunted her diet, and eroded her self esteem, sending her straight to the Zone, followed by a steady stream of lemons and cigarettes. Full Story