RoboBride in Louisiana

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

Heads up Shreveport…Katie Holmes is in town. So save her! Save her while you can! Because right now, she’s alone! The GMD has yet to join her, he will be doing so in a matter of days – which means she’s alone…but not really. Bet your boob job the Church has her handcuffed to the BFF shadow. Full Story

Dear… Sweet… Goddess

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

I can’t.I can’t even begin to understand why anyone would do this to her face and her body. And it makes me sad. Because deep down there must be a lot of unhappiness. And because once upon a time, Lara Flynn Boyle was so beautiful. Like, SO beautiful. See attached black and white… see how beautiful? But look at her now. Full Story

The Thinnification of Katie Heigl?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

A l’il bit, don’t you think? Also at the GLAAD event on Saturday, looking remarkably thin in an amazing white suit, half Barbie/half Charlize Theron, and another nasty cold is making me a crusty bitch today but I think her head looks too big for her body – you? And it’s hard, you know? It’s hard for me to rag on Katherine Heigl. Full Story

Demi the new Nicole?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

Sigh. Bump watch is my least favourite of all the gossip watches. Mostly because I don’t give a sh-t but also because most of the time it’s based on whether or not a woman happens to be bloated. Which isn’t exactly reliable scientific smut. Three months ago, Halle Berry went out for groceries and her stomach wasn’t concave – all of a sudden she was supposed to be expecting. Full Story

Cheese Man gets a new girl

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

sourceHer name is Camila Alves. Of course she’s a model. Of course she’s attractive. So what the hell is she doing with this cheese? Total downgrade if you ask me…  Full Story

When does Skank expire? CAUTION: NUDITY

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

How long does it take to wash away a slutty history? If one used to sell for sex, when does that cease to become a blemish? Is there, like, a statute of limitations on a prostitution past? Or is it once a ho, always a ho? Kinda like Denise Richards? British rags are openly calling the golddigging dancer a “former hooker”, with allegations from a former event planner that Heather was paid to participate in orgies with billionaires in the early 90s. Full Story

Britney: getting fit, still f&cking crazy?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

Good signs and warning signs, it’s never easy with Britney. Girl is just so f&cking… dumb. Like I mean seriously stupid. Like learning impaired. Which accounts for my soft spot. Because I truly believe she’s too stupid to know, you know? Followed everywhere by the pappies this weekend – out for sushi several times, at the dance studio, stopping by Parc for a brief club hop only to dash out half and hour later… all positive developments. Full Story

Kate Moss a critical flop?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

According to fashion critics, Kate’s designs for Topshop suck ass, with a senior staffer at Barney’s calling her “a working class slag from a crap town” and dismissing her clothes as cheap imitations of items she’s worn in the past created by “real” style mavericks. Full Story

How the Tabloids write themselves?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

Navigating the gossip terrain is a tricky business. Celebrity spin, publicists feeding fake stories, weeding through the sales and the conspiracies – unless you’re a card carrying member of the MiniVan Majority, you probably want to be a bit more discerning with your smut, right? Especially since the rags will pretty much print anything. Full Story

The Pitts and the new candids

Lainey Posted by Lainey at April 16, 2007 12:00:00 April 16, 2007 12:00:00

Brad and Zahara out for ice cream, Angie waiting in the car, and somehow caught on camera by not one but at least 2 pappy agencies…amazing, init? Two weeks after Janice Min’s scathing report in Us Weekly about Angelina’s “twisted double life”, amid increasing speculation that their relationship is on the decline, that Brad is unhappy, that Angie is a terrible mother, the Pitts seem to have carefully orchestrated a random outing to illustrate that things are fine. Full Story

Friday, April 13, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Many of you wrote yesterday deploring Naomi Watts’s bra-less appearance at the Tom Ford store opening the night before. Some called it “crude”, others decreed that “no pregnant should be without a bra” and even went so far as to compare her to Britney Spears.

Naomi Watts = Britney Spears?

Ah…no. Not even close.

Call me Cruise but I thought Naomi’s free tits looked kinda hot. Hot like Mother Fertility. Hot like she was just more comfortable that way. And since Naomi isn’t a famewhore like her BFF The Freeze, and since I’ve never been pregnant and since I never intend to be, since I can’t totally relate but I can imagine what it must be like to lug a bump around all day, I’m going to assume she was just more comfortable that way. That you may not have been but that she was. And that she chose to go out for a night on the town, grin and bear it with the fashionable and the pretentious but at the very least be comfortable doing so.

And for that, I love her even more.

Friday – live blogging, a new giveaway, and if it’s a slow day, perhaps reviving the Mailbag.

Have a great, great, great weekend. It’s NHL Playoff time in Canada…am headed to the game tonight. WITH my camera. Because Playoff time is Hockey Whore time.

Can’t wait.

Yours in gossip,
Lainey