The Daily Quiveration: Zizou is back

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2007 12:00:00 February 9, 2007 12:00:00

sh-t. Now I need to kick someone off the Freebie Five again to bring back Zizou. So who? How about Harry? Something tells me Harry doesn’t dig Asians. Something tells me Zizou digs the United Nations a whole lot. Zizou it is. Zizou will return to the Freebie Five soon as I get home to change it. Full Story

Mischa Barton: Single Gorgessity Everywhere

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2007 12:00:00 February 9, 2007 12:00:00

Drew Barrymore, Sophia Bush, Kylie Minogue, now Mischa Barton – all single, all available, all hotter than hot and better than before. Here’s Mischa at the Rodeo Walk of Style event last night…total gorgessity, non? This dress on Emmy Rossum? Puke. This dress on Mischa Barton? Somehow she manages to elude the sweetie princess vibe and the result is absolutely divine. Full Story

Bond at the Oscars

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2007 12:00:00 February 9, 2007 12:00:00

Many of you have him on your Freebie Five - to me he looks better in a tux than he does in a pair of wet shorts. And chances are…he’ll be wearing a tux on Oscar night. Announced yesterday, Daniel Craig joins Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell, and Reese Witherspoon as presenters confirmed so far – pretty high profile to start, with more to follow in the coming days. Full Story

Rachel Bilson: cute doesn’t sell

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2007 12:00:00 February 9, 2007 12:00:00

A little introspective today, all things considered. But I suppose we are all guilty of it, non? Best illustrated by Rachel Bilson. Rachel Bilson is adorable. She is cute, she is sexy, she is gorgeous, she has terrific personal style – in NYC at Zac Posen, mismatched and funky and fresh and spirited and unique and NOT desperate (Sienna Miller) – she doesn’t mash her tits together and beg for attention, we do not have intimate knowledge of her lower lips, she’s not out lightin’ up LA every night, her pupils aren’t pinned, she hasn’t f&cked half of Hollywood, and she doesn’t walk up and down Canadian city streets tearing a strip off innocent shopkeepers and retail employees. Full Story

JLo Rodeo Glow

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2007 12:00:00 February 9, 2007 12:00:00

Last night, Rodeo Walk of Style Awards – girl is on fire! And you know what I love about Jennifer Lopez? One of many things? Actually two of many things? I love that she has small breasts. I love that she doesn’t pour out of a dress. Her ass is enough. Up top it’s modest, it’s lovely, it’s why her body is so amazing to look at – there’s vavoom in places, understated in others, proportionate all around, and of course, she really does know how to work it. Full Story

Thursday, February 8, 2007
Dear Gossips, Why bother with talent when you can easily make a sex tape? Kim Kardashian could become a household name and she just happens to be Paris Hilton’s best friend, except much better looking with a crazy, crazy ass…and shocker of all shockers...an ad campaign that just happens to be launching right now. Amazingly enough, her sex video is very well shot, lighting isn’t bad, skin is flawless, close ups at the right moments, panned shots when they matter – high quality porn and killer sound effects too. I believe at one point she moans out (STOP READING NOW IF YOU’RE A PRUDE): I want you to f*** me until you c***. Classy. Her parents must be so proud. And that’s the last time she’ll be mentioned in this column. Not to preach but seriously y’all…don’t make her famous. Yours in gossip, Lainey PS. Heads up Toronto – Six Degrees, Friday night, an auction to benefit the Canadian Diabetes Association… and somehow they’ve managed to convince Miss Universe Natalie Glebova to allow herself to be auctioned off for a good cause. Click here for more details and if you get a date with that hot Olympian, give me the smut! PPS. Julia Roberts does not harass via text message. Julia is A-list independently, TH is A-list by association and syndication. Also not Jada Pinkett Smith. TH’s husband will never go near an Oscar, never mind get nominated for one.

Jessica Simpson: new brown, still tranny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2007 12:00:00 February 8, 2007 12:00:00

Ken Paves is at it again. I call this Hope Hair. You ever watch Days of Our Lives? I watched in the glory 80s, stopped after tenth grade. Bo and Hope – my favourite couple. Kristian Alfonso was Eva Longoria before Eva Longoria. Loved her. Then she dropped a ton of weight and put in some scary ass tits, though I heard she’s since chilled out a bit. Full Story

Celine Dion: The Return of Cheese

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2007 12:00:00 February 8, 2007 12:00:00

Oh joy! Celine to perform at the Oscars – a new song “I Knew I Always Loved You” during a tribute to Ennio Morricone, delivered with the thickness of dripping cheese only Celine can pull off. Remember Titanic? Remember that honkin’ diamond? And the way she pounded her chest – that patented move seen far and wide, eventually replaced by her new Vegas leg lunge and various contorted expressions showing off a remarkably elastic face? That’s the gift of Celine, you know? She’s frightening as all f&ck but always always worth watching. Full Story

My Gwynnie rocks to Pipsqueak

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2007 12:00:00 February 8, 2007 12:00:00

Not exactly a new connection…Pip and Chris Martin have publicly expressed their mutual admiration and everyone who is anyone attended JT’s NYC concert last night. So here’s my girl looking fresh and lovely on her way to the show. Come to think of it…seems like she’s been in town for a while now. Full Story

Mischa & Cisco: he says, she refutes

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2007 12:00:00 February 8, 2007 12:00:00

Her rep is now telling Us Weekly it"s over. Because she"s moving to New York and the distance would be too hard. Translation: the low hanging balls became too much to bear...thank Goddess. Mischa on the single scene - I like it, though she does seem like a serial monogamist, non? By April, guaranteed, there will be a new beau. Full Story

Loving Ryan Gosling

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2007 12:00:00 February 8, 2007 12:00:00

Last year it was Joaquin Phoenix – the arty artist refusing to campaign on the grounds of artistic integrity, bitterly disillusioned by the Hollywood marketing machine, surly at times during interviews when pressed by the studio though, to be fair, still gracious and humbled by his nomination. This year it’s Ryan Gosling with a decidedly less grumpy, less awkward approach. Full Story