AMA Itchy: Nelly Furtado

November 22, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 22, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The dress, great. The body, even better. Makeup rocked too. But the fringe. Not the existence of it but the length. Made me itchy. My eyes were itchy just looking at her, I still feel itchy just thinking about it, and is that a good thing? To elicit a physiological irritation by simply standing there and showing off your hair? Again…maybe it’s just me. Full Story

AMA Wonky Eye: Ashlee Simpson

November 22, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 22, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s the new black, remember? And never one to ignore a trend, Ashlee has picked up her very own case of wonky eye, along with a little bit o’ rag doll…love it. Yes, she looks like an Olsen, yes the new nose could have been a prelude to a lot of new things acquired at the doctor, but since it can’t be reversed, why continue harping on a nose job that happened 6 months ago? I’m down with the dress, I’m down with the scraggly hair, I love the makeup, and I particularly love that she stopped the thinnification before it became alarming. Full Story

AMA Miss America: Beyonce

November 22, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 22, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Did her mother design this dress? I’m inclined to think not. Because she looks great in it. And because it’s not ugly. A tad beauty pageant, perhaps, but definitely not ugly. And was she totally adorable last night or what? Especially when Jay Z was performing – boppin’ her head, wavin’ her arms, smilin’ big and pretty and maybe even a little bit fake for the cameras…which naturally had my smutty sense tingling. Full Story

AMA Worst Hair: Carrie Underwood

November 22, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 22, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So I know she’s of a certain genre, that we shouldn’t necessarily hold every genre to the standards of Kate Moss. I totally get that. Which is why I won’t bother with the on-stage ensemble, the dress and shorts combination – I’ll just chalk that one up to the fact that I’m too Asian to get country, just like most whiteys don’t understand why Chinese ladies are incapable talking on their cellphones without yelling or, for that matter, driving a straight line on the highway… Fair enough? But the hair has nothing to with the genre. Full Story

Paris’s Worst Angle

November 22, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 22, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

We’ve covered the tranny…now on to the bird face. Seriously, look at the face. Look at it nose-on. Now I don’t have a great nose, I myself have a rather hawk-like nose, but I’m proud to say my hawk nose is still cuter than her bird beak, and again, it astounds me – that someone this borderline hermaphrodite and, as articulated so brilliantly by Tina Fey, STUPID as all f*ck still manages to convince people that there’s something, anything, to be desired underneath all that glossy skank. Full Story

Britney at the AMAs

November 22, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 22, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So did you see the opening sequence? Believe me, she KNEW about the opening sequence. Just in case you missed it, here’s a quick recap: Jimmy Kimmel comes out, a few jokes, a few laughs, then he talks about Paris Hilton’s album sucking ass (she was in the audience but they didn’t pan to her – f&ck!) which leads him into a discussion about KFed’s album sucking even more ass and celebrating KFed’s final appearance ever at the AMAs, then he motions over to a KFed doppelganger who is lovered from the rafters into a huge box, sealed by attendants, driven to the ocean, dropped into the ocean, sinking slowly into the ocean, presumably left to drown forever and finally, he introduces the first presenter of the evening, “America’s Sweetheart, the new bachelorette”… Britney Spears. Full Story

Britney & Paris: matching weave

November 22, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 22, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

New BFFs indeed. Never mind sharing ciggies, sharing extensions is where true bonding is rooted. You will note also that side by side, feature for feature, Britney is SO much cuter than Paris – especially on an evening when Paris really pulled out her tranny balls. Which actually means that this little hookup is not long for this world. Full Story

Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Dear Gossips, I think the TomKat made me sick, like, literally. Cold coming on so please excuse typos? Tuesday – live blogging, check back often for fresh posts NOT involving the GMD…because the new cover of People with yet ANOTHER photo from their private wedding album is probably enough to send you over the edge. Yours in gossip, Lainey

The Sex Tape & the Payoff?

November 21, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 21, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

TMZ is reporting that Britney and Kevin will reunite to make a statement debunking the existence of a sex tape, despite recent rumours to the contrary. Still waiting for the official wording but do you smell what I smell? Looks like that festering growth she used to call her husband has cashed in again – and yes, at the risk of having y’all accuse me of conspiracy mongering, I DO think she settled, I DO think she bought his silence, and I DO think he’ll continue threatening her with sh-t like this until he bleeds what he needs outta her bank account. Full Story

Sienna: the unfinished nomination

November 21, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 21, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The power of the Harvey Weinstein Oscar campaign – despite the fact that the movie is still going through reshoots just a month before its NY and LA release date, Sienna Miller continues to be buzzed about in relation to a nomination, thanks to the influence of Harvey’s relentless support. Like being declared a favourite in the court of Louis XIV, having a Weinstein behind you means award season spotlight and for Sienna, eager to shed the title of “Jude Law’s ex fiancée jilted by the Nanny”, this kind of endorsement has been her ticket to prestige. Full Story

Rosie & Kelly: Torn between the Maybe Gaybe Claybe

November 21, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at November 21, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Only a Queen like Clay could inspire this much controversy. On Friday he disrespected Kelly Ripa, on Monday she went on a 3 minute rant about his impropriety, taking issue with him putting his unclean hands over her mouth, today Rosie O’Donnell criticised her for being homophobic, and they went at each other this morning on The View – well, kind of. Full Story