FILA Ebola

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 08:45:23 January 15, 2008 08:45:23

If I were on the board at FILA, I’d be cashing in my shares in getting the f&ck out. Because in hiring Hollywood Ebola Paris Hilton as a spokesvirus, the brand has officially been infected. Which means their products are now contaminated and stocks will eventually plummet. Trust. Because remember – Paris Hilton’s black hole vagina spreads her disease unmercifully… killing everyone and everything in her path. Full Story

Get Well Gwyneth

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 08:11:12 January 15, 2008 08:11:12

My Gwynnie!!! My Gwynnie is sick! Gwyneth Paltrow was taken to hospital yesterday, slumped over in a wheelchair pushed by Chris Martin. Her publicist is calling it a “personal matter”. Still... there are positive signs.  Apparently a baggie with macriobiotic treehugger food was brought to her later on from some organics store later on. Full Story

Jennifer Aniston Pays Racists???

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 00:00:00 January 15, 2008 00:00:00

As I reported yesterday, Jennifer Aniston is currently shooting in Vancouver and is constantly attended to by 4 bodyguards who’ve come along with her for the duration of filming. Not only do they protect her, they also make sure she’s not photographed when she doesn’t want to be. Because Jennifer Aniston is a serious movie actor. Full Story

RoboBride on Letterman

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 07:33:22 January 15, 2008 07:33:22

Had to watch Katie Holmes on Letterman last night if only to see what was underneath yesterday’s red coat. It was short and it was white and Posh needs to train her on how to walk in those heels because the whole look fell apart as soon as she moved her legs. The problem, poor thing, is that she doesn’t know what to do when she doesn’t have to slouch, so accustomed is she to compensating for the GMD’s height restriction. Full Story

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Chicken Fried GMD?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2008 00:00:00 January 15, 2008 00:00:00

Several media outlets including Gawker and The Huffington Post linked to this video yesterday of Tom Cruise extolling the virtues of Scientology. Shot a few years ago, back when he was still Top Gun hot (ish), a painfully INarticulate GMD describes what he calls the “privilege” of being a Scientologist and then goes on to illustrate that privilege with his batsh*t crazy eyes. Full Story

Monday, January 14, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Now that we know who the winners turned out to be – damn it to hell that there was no show. Would’ve been nice to see Tina Fey, non?

Sigh. As my friend Duana wrote last night: I missed the silly pomp and the sillier circumstance.

Indeed, the No-Globes sucked ass. Awkward and cheesy and why do I need that simpering fool Billy Bush telling me that Cate Blanchett didn’t deserve to win because she was simply a “woman imitating a man”? It was a biopic, fool. In essence they were ALL imitating Bob Dylan. Who is a man!

And oh no Romo. Even though it was NOT Jessica Simpson’s fault the Cowboys ended the season in failure, Texas will blame the homegirl. This is what happens when daddy tells you to parade your new romance in a skybox during a football game. Time to Fire Daddy!

Chicken Fried weekend roundup, JT parties without Shelfy, and Little Sci makes an appearance… conveniently just before the Morton book hits the street.

Monday, live blogging, check back often!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Happy 30th Birthday Alex!

Katie’s Legs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 14, 2008 15:35:05 January 14, 2008 15:35:05

Never been a fan of her legs but damn… lately, when she doesn’t look like a recluse, she’s been turning everything up a notch! Continuing her promotional whirlwind in New York today for Mad Money, Katie headed to Letterman this afternoon in a very short skirt and red coat. Am now very curious to see what’s underneath. Full Story

My Gwynnie is Good

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 14, 2008 11:44:06 January 14, 2008 11:44:06

For the two of you out there who, like me, don’t feel the urge to ram a stiletto into your eyeball when faced with Gwyneth Paltrow, here’s some news on what our girl has been up to. Shooting in NYC with Joaquin Phoenix and also, this weekend, Gwynnie dropped into Caroline’s Comedy Club for Susie Essman’s show with mom Blythe Danner AND Chris Martin (thanks K!). Full Story

D List Freeloaders

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 14, 2008 11:20:27 January 14, 2008 11:20:27

While the real stars kept out of sight during Golden Globe weekend, the D List was out in full bloom, with Tori Spelling and KFed Junior leading the way at a few of the gifting suites. Here’s Junior doing what he does best – freeloading off of someone else’s generosity alongside both his bank accounts: his eyesore of a wife, of course, and his son Liam. Full Story

RoboBride, Anna Wintour…or a Recluse?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 14, 2008 09:06:13 January 14, 2008 09:06:13

Seriously. 30 never looked so old! Or creepy! Check out Katie Holmes today at Good Morning America with her Anna Wintour bob, the huge sunglasses, and the overcoat looking like some kind of weird recluse. This is how I always pictured Greta Garbo in New York. Which I suppose is a flattering compliment but the Garbo of those sightings was a stately older woman, not a girl in her prime whose soul has been snatched by a megalomaniac. Full Story