Fergie: spoke too soon

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 14, 2007 12:00:00 March 14, 2007 12:00:00

Last week I actually complimented her ugly ass. This week, bitch is back to her degenerate ways. Subtle difference but shall we break it down? You’re young and stupid, you party, you’re rolling with your crew, you hit a few clubs, you throw back several drinks, and because you’re young and stupid, you don’t eat, which means you get blitzed pretty quickly but you don’t want the night to end, so you hurl, in public, wipe your mouth off, recharge, giv’er some more for the rest of the night. Full Story

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 Dear Gossips, Thanks so much for all your messages of concern. I"m particularly grateful that you have been worried that I"ve been taken captive by the GMD …which is not the case but all thing considered, probably not improbable. Actually, now that I think about it, whatever I have could be his doing - only Xenu knows the sinister evil of the Gay Midget Dwarf and his Church of the Hidden Homo Gay. I am so sorry for not smutting. I haven"t been this sick in a very long time. And we still don"t know why. So can I test your patience just one more day? Tomorrow is Wednesday, I promise I"ll be back tomorrow. A thousand apologies and a thousand germ-infested hugs for the kind words of support. Love you, thank you, owe you. Yours in gossip, Lainey PS. Am dictating to my husband. If this doesn"t sound like me, you now know why. PPS. See below. A couple tokens of appreciation for your understanding while I ail.

Meeting at the Spa

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 13, 2007 12:00:00 March 13, 2007 12:00:00

There have always been rumblings about his sexual orientation…never anything concrete. Just that, as we all know, any time you’re single for a protracted time in Hollywood and you happen to be as fine and distinguished as he is, people start to whisper. And while I do know for sure that he does enjoy women, even hiring them on occasion, this is the first legitimate hint of the gaygay – for me anyway – that I can report. Full Story

Blood Diamond Exclusive DVD Giveaway!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 13, 2007 12:00:00 March 13, 2007 12:00:00

Double Hotness – Leo and Djimon Hounsou, sweaty and intense and, at one point, exchanging blows. Total quiveration. Blood Diamond comes out on DVD on March 20th and I have five copies (2 disc special edition!) to give away to 5 lucky readers. If you’re interested, send an email to [email protected] Full Story

Friday, March 9, 2007 Dear Gossips, Salma pregnant. And getting married! Love that she carried on an undercover relationship while everyone thought she and Pene were gettin’ it on – as gaygay Wentie would say: Brava, Salma. Brava Brava. Friday – live blogging all day, check back often, Borat winners will be contacted later today. Yours in gossip, Lainey PS. Happy Belated Birthday to Patti in Ladner, BC! Thanks for supporting my smut every at work! PPS. Sorry for not being clear the other day about Friday Night Lights. It’s not cancelled…yet. But it’s on life support, which is a f&cking shame. Because more people would rather watch Heather Mills and her “safely secured” leg (her words, not mine) shuffle across a dance floor in a tacky orange gown – WTF???

More About Entourage

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 9, 2007 12:00:00 March 9, 2007 12:00:00

More About Entourage A response to your emails yesterday about Entourage and the new season…but warning: spoiler ahead if you haven’t caught up. Confusing as hell which probably explains your messages but it turns out Season 3 is NOT over. NOT over. It was divided into Season 3A and B. Season 3A ends with Vince firing Ari. Full Story

Violet Forever

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 9, 2007 12:00:00 March 9, 2007 12:00:00

I take after my mother one respect. Not so much in the extreme – she frightens children and animals – but like her, I’m not baby crazy or baby gushy and while I love the babies that belong to my friends, I am also very happy that those babies are going home with them and not me. But then I see Violet Affleck. Full Story

Salma: Passionate … or Pragmatic?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 9, 2007 12:00:00 March 9, 2007 12:00:00

Thanks for all of your emails clarifying Francois-Henri Pinault’s financial stature, providing perhaps a more wellrounded explanation into their hook up? Cynical bitch me…yes. Francois-Henri he’s the CEO of PPR – major luxury goods company that owns Gucci, YSL, and other department chains etc. In other words, he’s not only wealthy…he’s OBSCENELY wealthy. Full Story

The Daily Quiverating Artiste: Joaquin Phoenix

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 9, 2007 12:00:00 March 9, 2007 12:00:00

Giddy’up girls. New stills of Joaquin from We Own the Night co-starring Eva Mendes (I hear it’s pronounced AVA? True?) due out Fall 2007. We Own the Night reunites Joaquin with Mark Wahlberg with whom he worked on The Yards, both films written and directed by James Gray. Have you seen The Yards? Joaquin plays off type – VERY sexy - but I can’t stomach multiple viewings. Full Story

Joe Simpson: Say what bitch???

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 9, 2007 12:00:00 March 9, 2007 12:00:00

Not that the Spears are defensible in any way, not that Britney ever had enough structure and guidance…but still. If it were Natalie Portman’s parents doing the judging, I’d be like – sure, 100%, go for it. But Joe Simpson? Joe Simpson judging the Spears??? Bitch… please. An interview with In Touch, Papa Joe opines on the Britney situation: "I would never let that happen to my daughters. Full Story

John and Jess in Rome…with Joe?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 9, 2007 12:00:00 March 9, 2007 12:00:00

No...not in person. But definitely in spirit. Always in spirit. Already known to capitalise on “personal” photos of his children and shopping them to the tabloids, I’m also now hearing that Joe allegedly makes Jessica check in with him wherever she and John are headed. Shortly thereafter, photographers appear like magic. Full Story