Best Recycle: Jennifer Lopez

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

The third variation of this dress she’s worn since 2003 – the first in green at the Oscars with Ben, then just last November in mustard at the TomKat rehearsal dinner in Rome (see attached), now in black with a gold trim and a gorgeous back… but because it’s Jennifer Lopez, because the girl knows how to work it, because even that festering eyesore of a husband doesn’t seem so ugly next to her magic touch, recycling is not only OK…it’s actually rather brilliant. Full Story

Most Appropriate: SJP

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

The normally obsequious, over-extra, fawning, cloying Sarah Jessica Parker was replaced tonight but a beautifully understated and appropriately attired SJP. Not a nominee, not in contention, I love that for once she decided to downplay the desperation – baby breath voice kept in check, leaving the tail wagging, panting, “pick me pick me” pandering to Sienna Miller. Full Story

Best Quiverating Kazakh: Sacha Baron Cohen

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

If you’re about to pound out an indignant email about lack of class and propriety on an elegant evening – save the sanctimony…please. The man was AWARDED for a satirical performance about a racist, sexist ignorant beast – given that he earned that platform, what else did you expect him to say? Pictured here with his producer Azamat Bagatov – it’s official…Borat is NOT coming off the Freebie Five. Full Story

Best Body: Emily Blunt

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

I have no idea why she always looks so dour. Would you look dour with a body like that? Thin but fit, slim yet strong, every inch sealed in perfectly, and a perky ass to round things out… tonight Emily Blunt was spectacular. That is until she spoke. The charmless speech, without grace or elegance, and that voice…that familiar voice - Emily as Emily in Prada except Emily the starved assistant bitch was on stage at the Globes and all of a sudden in a different venue it really wasn’t all that funny. Full Story

Worst Beyonce Ever: Beyonce at the Globes

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

Considering her mother dresses her half the time, achieving an all time low at this years Globes really is quite remarkable…especially since Tina Knowles actually had nothing to do with this nightmare. And still she’s wearin’ it like it’s something to be proud of – it’s the curse of the child performer, you see? Britney, Lindsay, Beyonce …they’re f*ckin’ immune to this sh-t. Full Story

Worst Rossum: Vanessa Minnillo

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

Seriously y’all…I am done with Vanessa Minnillo. Done, over, sick, Rossum! Is it at all possible for this girl to wear anything other than orange? Or gold? Or teal? With sequins and pearls and rhinestones and a Miss America sash with gleaming white teeth? Question: What is wrong with black? Answer: There is nothing wrong with black. Full Story

Worst Black: Penelope Cruz

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

Such a letdown…perhaps the worst of the evening, like Scarlett O’Hara at a funeral, and I still don’t understand why she keeps going back to the pouf. The first time it was alright. The second less so. The third was just insulting and now it’s just plain lazy. This is hair for Jennifer Love Hewitt. Full Story

Best New Eater: Ellen Pompeo

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

So there’s a little bit of Nicole Kidman Freeze goin’ on around the face…so what? The point is she looks like she’s been eating…maybe not much but definitely not nothing and doesn’t that stand for something? Ellen Pompeo, I believe this is Versace, and a MUCH more stylish choice than last year when she showed up in a doily muumuu with CRIMPED hair – see attached. Full Story

Worst Couple: The Trumps

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

A windbag and his femmebot and her monster sized tits…and he has the nerve to call Rosie ugly??? Bitch…please. Your wife is wearing POWDER BLUE!!!!  Full Story

Most Surprising: Eva Longoria

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

No…she wasn’t a standout either way, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it? Like SJP before her, Eva was content to be adequate, to know her place, to resist the urge to reach beyond her station or camera-hog at every opportunity and irritate the free smutting world in the process. Believe it or not gossips…for the first time in a long time, Eva was rather chill. Full Story