Best Friend of Jennifer Aniston: Sheryl Crow

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

In eggplant Elie Saab and making Lance Armstrong look like a complete tool – don’t you love the way Sheryl bounces back? From heartbreak, from cancer, from the worst year of her life to the best she’s ever been…I was never a big fan of Sheryl Crow until Sheryl Crow shook off the Victim and wouldn’t it be lovely if Sheryl Crow passed on the same to Jennifer Aniston? Source Full Story

Best White: Salma Hayek

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

I know. I know the photos don’t do her justice. I know that if you didn’t see any of the pre-show coverage or the show itself, you wouldn’t have seen the way it moved. The way her body moved across the stage, the way her curves filled this dress, the way her breasts flounced gently to and fro and her hips spoke their own special language…Salma so glamorous without looking like she tried too hard. Full Story

Best Breasts: Helen Mirren

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

At 62 with breasts like these? As my cousin Dexy said tonight – it’s dirty but it’s dirty dirty good. And now she’s just toying with us, isn’t she? The best answer to Paris Hilton and the blonde Hollywood vacuum, to the incessant worship of youth and illusion – of all the young bimbos farting around Hollywood, who can hold a candle to the magnificent Helen Mirren? Certainly not Paris Hilton. Full Story

Most Predictably Prom: Katherine Heigl

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

I love her but enough…enough with the debutante princess, enough with the fishtail, enough with the updo, and the aunt Gladys brooch, enough with the nauseating PROM. I mean the People’s Choice Awards was one thing… But the Golden Globes? I think we all know that Katherine Heigl can do better. Full Story

Best Mismatch: Drew Barrymore

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

So I know her face doesn’t match her neck, but only when you look up close…right? Besides that, doesn’t Drew look divine? Healthy and sweet and fresh and glowing and single and most of all, boobs NOT flailing from side to side – I admit it…I can’t resist Drew Barrymore. Full Story

Worst Old: Renee Zellweger

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

Not even 40 but it’s like she creaks when she walks – do you hear it? Don’t get me wrong…the green is lovely, the dress is lovely, the shoes even more so but with the matron hair and the lemon pucker and the odd orange tint of her skin, it’s as though Renee has suddenly aged 20 years and at the same time, turned into Nicole Kidman. Full Story

Worst Vegas: Jessica Biel

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

What’d I tell you? Ass might be tight but it ain’t made for the big leagues. Jessica Biel = TV Girl Forever.  Full Story

Best Black: Cate Blanchett

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

Another original Cate – this time courtesy of McQueen…I think. On anyone else a total disaster, on Cate Blanchett totally glorious. Unsafe, unconventional, totally modern, especially in the small details: hair unstyled, sparely accessorised, very little makeup – you don’t have to like it, most of you probably hate it, but you can’t deny that she owns it…and isn’t that the essence of style? Full Story

Worst Black: Penelope Cruz

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

Such a letdown…perhaps the worst of the evening, like Scarlett O’Hara at a funeral, and I still don’t understand why she keeps going back to the pouf. The first time it was alright. The second less so. The third was just insulting and now it’s just plain lazy. This is hair for Jennifer Love Hewitt. Full Story

Worst Couple: The Trumps

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 16, 2007 12:00:00 January 16, 2007 12:00:00

A windbag and his femmebot and her monster sized tits…and he has the nerve to call Rosie ugly??? Bitch…please. Your wife is wearing POWDER BLUE!!!!  Full Story