Thursday, December 20, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Every starlet in Hollywood is pissed at Jamie Lynn Spears. Because one teenage pregnancy has blown everyone else out of the water… including, temporarily, her own sister. Hollywood Ebola is now desperately trying to conceive a way to get back into the headlines, Lindsay Lohan thinks a Sapphic rumour might do the trick, Katherine Heigl is taking the paparazzi on a tour of her pre-wedding preparations around Los Angeles, and poor Britney has run out of ways to flash her poonie.

Happy Holidays!

Thursday, am blogging from the Pacific Rim… please excuse typos, haven’t slept since Tuesday.

Yours in gossip,


PS. My love and gratitude to the RBC girls who check back many times every day!

PPS. Tom Cruise was not entertaining visitors in his trailer. Neither was Patrick Dempsey.

PPPS. Don"t forget to enter the Secret Sweepstakes  to win an evening of hot experiences in Montreal!

One-Legged When Convenient: Worst of 2007

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 20, 2007 16:29:29 December 20, 2007 16:29:29

When she’s accusing Paul McCartney of beating and abusing her, Heather Mills never hesitates to remind us that she’s only got one leg and is the most tragic victim ever. Remember…in her divorce filings she alleges that Sir Paul made her crawl up the stairs and refused to let her use a bed pan, obliging her instead to walk her ass by herself to the loo. Full Story

SAGs to be the Oscars?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 20, 2007 16:05:50 December 20, 2007 16:05:50

The Writer’s Guild will be picketing the Golden Globes this year and if a resolution is not hammered out by then, few – if any – actors will be crossing the line to attend the awards. The Screen Actors Guild however just announced their nominees today. Given that the SAG has long been supportive of the WGA, it was no surprise when it was revealed that it had reached an interim agreement with the WGA allowing writer’s to write for the event and opening the door for nominees to gussy themselves up and make a splash on the red carpet…which means that if a deal isn’t reached within weeks of the new year, the SAGs just might be the only awards excitement of the season. Full Story

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Her White Wedding Coat

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 20, 2007 07:35:18 December 20, 2007 07:35:18

Katherine Heigl is getting married in 4 days. The wedding will cap off what has been a career year: she managed to monopolise a sh*tty season of Grey’s Anatomy, she starred in a blockbuster movie that she subsequently called sexist (though she didn’t hesitate to move her asking price from $300,000 per picture to $6 million) she took home an Emmy, and she was named one of Barbara Walters’s most fascinating of 2007. Full Story

Fraud Love for Water: Best of 2007

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 20, 2007 07:10:41 December 20, 2007 07:10:41

A for effort if not for effectiveness – next to Jessica Biel’s brilliant media play, Jennifer Aniston’s endless and obvious PR antics delivered the most amusement this year. First she signs on to a multi million dollar contract as the spokesperson for Smart Water. Then a rumour surfaces that she’s dating some British model called Paul Sculfor. Full Story

Keeping Fit for KFed Jr

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 20, 2007 06:54:11 December 20, 2007 06:54:11

Little Liam isn’t even a year and already Tori Spelling has worked her way back to pre-baby shape – as you can see, a set of flat abs to go along with the brand new boob job she supposedly gave her husband as a push present. Most women receive push presents in return for their labour pains, but since Tori married a golddigging KFed Jr, she will always be the one doing the giving. Full Story

Spice Kids on Stage

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 20, 2007 06:45:57 December 20, 2007 06:45:57

The other night in London – the Spice Girls were joined onstage by their children, with the exception of Ginger’s Bluebell who may be still recovering from chicken pox, all the baby Spices made an appearance including all three Beckham boys wearing t-shirts with POSH emblazoned across the front. Full Story

Robobride Trumps Granny Freeze

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 20, 2007 06:30:18 December 20, 2007 06:30:18

New interview with Katie Holmes, Queen Latifah, and Diane Keaton in Parade Magazine and KatE delivers a clinic in MiniVan Majority Fellatio. There’s love, there’s baking, there’s chocolate, there’s children, there’s sisterhood, and of course there is LOVE. All in time for the holidays. Full Story

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Dear Gossips,

I’m sorry I’m so late. Have just just just just arrived in Hong Kong after a 20 hour trip, 14 of those hours spent in the air and another six stuck on the tarmac in Vancouver before take off due to an electrical malfunction and a subsequent flight crew shift change.

Had every intention of making it here without interruption of gossip and apologise for the inconvenience. I know you need your smut, especially since Chicken Fried runs in the family. My thoughts on that are coming.

Am in Hong Kong to spend holidays with my parents – I’ve not seen them since end of September and was actually desperately missing my mother. But 10 minutes after walking in the door, she showed me the new underwear she’d purchased for me without my asking, saying it’s the preferred style of all of the “young girls in Hong Kong”. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that Angelina Jolie would have a hard time squeezing into a pair of these Calvins. You haven’t seen thin until you’ve seen Hello Kitty thin.

What capped it all off however was my mother’s slow downward assessment, with her bifocals perched on the end of her nose, her eyes eventually finding my ass.

Wahhhhh… so fat. Why you make me waste so much money?

And then she stalked off muttering under her breath to my father about how difficult it is to return and exchange things in Hong Kong.

Needless to say, I’m ready to come home.

And I am also ready to blog. Will blog till I pass out if it means she’ll leave me alone. Right now she’s harassing me about dumplings. Just need to scan the headlines and start writing. Please do check back often. And a thousand apologies again for the inconvenience.

Yours in gossip,


PS. Congratulations to Lindsay P for successfully defending her Ph.D in anatomy and cellular biology at Queens University while never missing a day of LaineyGossip. Am SO honoured someone so ridiculously smart is reading my smut. And SOOO thrilled for you about your achievement!

PPS. Shame on you Ian for missing your 5 year anniversary with Kate! Dude… your ass better be grovelling.

PPPS. And congratulations to Nadia from best friend Alida – Nadia delivered a healthy baby boy this morning at 2am called Leo. Great name!

PPPPS. John Travolta is not ordering up young gay fun in his trailer. And Julia Roberts is not on Holiday Detox.

Learn from Brady & Bundchen

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 19, 2007 15:11:25 December 19, 2007 15:11:25

Ok now I feel badly for her just a little. Seems like Jessica Simpson can do no right post-divorce. She makes a record, it suck ass. She makes a movie…several movies…they suck ass too. She finds a boyfriend…he pees on her, is embarrassed of her, and breaks up with her because his fans hate her. Full Story

GMD vs Chicken Fried Stupid

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 19, 2007 14:51:02 December 19, 2007 14:51:02

December 18th was KatE’s birthday. So of course the GMD took her to Raffles L’Ermitage to celebrate where they could have some privacy. Because that’s where Britney Spears hangs out these days. OF COURSE there’d be no paparazzi. Of course not! Oh and look at KatE’s face – bedhead and sleepy eyes like it was a romantic evening with her totally straight husband lying in the tub with candles. Full Story

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