Ghetto Tits Smell Bad

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 07:44:45 November 26, 2007 07:44:45

Tara Reid had a guest starring role on Scrubs a few seasons ago … and she will not be invited back. Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence addressed the New York Comedy Festival the other day and said she reeked so badly of booze and gang banging he’d sooner let John Mayer urinate all over him. I made up that last part but you get my drift. Full Story

Michael Buble: the new John Mayer

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 07:29:20 November 26, 2007 07:29:20

Cheesy lyrics, the illusion of sensitivity…only to end up a pig in reality, not unlike that douchbag John Mayer who sings of bodies and wonderlands but prefers them drenched in piss. But then again, if you’ve been paying attention to this site over the last few months, Michael Buble’s philandering really shouldn’t surprise you. Full Story

Lilo & Lolita

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 06:52:19 November 26, 2007 06:52:19

Lindsay Lohan spent Thanksgiving in NYC with her family. To celebrate the occasion, her exploitative skank of a mother decided to make the most of every photo opportunity, sending her next protégé out shopping with her orange and dirty faced older sister who can’t seem to lay off the self tanner and find a decently matched foundation. Full Story

Chicken Fried Chinese Twins?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 26, 2007 06:49:04 November 26, 2007 06:49:04

Ridiculous new rumour originating from the always reliable News of the World – something about Britney adopting twin babies from China based solely on an “exclusive” claim from the tabloid’s source that Britney “has told friends she"s in the final stages of talks with an adoption agency and plans to go ahead with the move very soon. Full Story

Friday, November 23, 2007

Dear Gossips,

How could you?

My Gwyneth is absolutely NOT Cheap & Crafty. Please! Gwynnie is the queen of thank you notes: at the tender age of 3, Apple Martin already has her own monogrammed stationary so no, no, no…my Gwyneth would never stinge out her staff. She would however do the complete and nauseating opposite. Which would be to tip and treat them so well and throw it back into the faces of all her friends who can’t match her generosity. This is how Gwyneth makes people feel small, like don’t you know?

C&C is also not Hilary Swank who has no children and despite coldly selling out her ex-husband is actually known to be quite lovely to the small people, having been one herself not too long ago, though if I have to hear that story about living in her mother’s car one more time…

It’s Friday! Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Happy Birthday Steph P from your girls! Here’s to a wild, wild Friday night!

PPS. And to Emily on your 27th – my best wishes for a banner year.

PPPS. For Jenny Ryan from Saskatoon, recently crowned the "Canada Writes" 2007 Champion – CONGRATULATIONS! What an extraordinary achievement. I am yours in admiration, Lainey

More Real than the Real Thing

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 23, 2007 11:21:23 November 23, 2007 11:21:23

Alison Jackson is a pop culture photographer with a new book called Confidential featuring a collection of her celebrity photos. Faux photos. But some are so incredibly real you really wouldn’t know the difference. Even more, they are not only “real” aesthetically, they also capture the spirit of the subjects. Full Story

Screen Love to Real Love

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 23, 2007 00:00:00 November 23, 2007 00:00:00

If you haven’t already, you must must must see La Vie en Rose. My earlier review can be found here. Marion Cotillard’s portrayal of Edith Piaf is nothing short of genius. And if she doesn’t receive an Oscar nomination, it will be a f&cking travesty. Full Story

Hawaiian Thanksgiving

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 23, 2007 00:00:00 November 23, 2007 00:00:00

Newlywed Kate Walsh and husband spent the holiday in Hawaii frolicking in the water. Having met her in person, twice, I can tell you she is even lovelier in person – more engaging, with more sparkle, and sexier, less harsh in the face, and the longest craziest legs. And Kate’s like George Clooney in a way – fame found her late so really isn’t a f&ck up. Full Story

They Don’t Believe Granny Freeze

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 23, 2007 08:55:40 November 23, 2007 08:55:40

Shocking! Australia’s princess getting called out in an Australian paper on her hypocrisy? Love them Aussies. As you know, Nicole is currently embroiled in a courtroom battle in a case against some paparazzo she claims has been endangering her life. As someone who craves privacy, pap intrusion is of course deeply upsetting. Full Story

Witherspoon Thanksgiving

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 23, 2007 08:32:17 November 23, 2007 08:32:17

Where was she? A source tells me she spent Thanksgiving yesterday at her uncle’s in Brentwood, TN– at one point seen running through the leaves outside with her children. Cute! And no Jakey in sight. But I’m sure you know now about their romantic getaway to Napa recently and while they were spotted by paps for about an hour one day, the two spent the rest of their time relatively undisturbed. Full Story

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Dear Gossips,

So I saw August Rush last night. Had they released the film at any other time of year, the corny sentimentality would have been intolerable. INTOLERABLE. But it’s 4 weeks to Christmas and the ice blue crystal lights lining the sidewalks are irresistible and people are still nice to each other in the shoppes and I haven’t seen my parents in two months and I miss them and Freddie Highmore is so endearing and (for me at least) for the first time, Jonathan Rhys Myers, who doesn’t have cracked out bug eyes, provides massive quiveration – he is gorgeous – so suffice to say, unlike Enchanted, which is enchanting at any time of year, August Rush is the kind of implausible sweet that can only be swallowed during the small window between US Thanksgiving and Boxing Day after which it just becomes absolute sh*t.

Let it be known however Emmy Rossum’s kind of sweet can never be swallowed any time under any circumstances.

By the way, did you know JRM dated Toni Collette??? In this movie, he really is sublime. And not androgynous at all.

Thursday, live blogging, check back often.

Yours in gossip,


PS. Salma Hayek is not Cheap & Crafty. Besides, she’s not married yet, is she? Also not Sarah Jessica Parker who IS cheap and crafty and golden in a way but not with the biggest prize. And that pointless new Sex & the City movie isn’t getting her there either.

PPS. Robin Williams imitating Bono will make you itch.