June 24, 2015 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 24, 2015 13:55:29 June 24, 2015 13:55:29

Hez! Happy Birthday! Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. I can tell you’re up, in a good way, and not in a way that invites a line and a bill. Sing on, play on, read on, write on. And, eventually, you will get your f-ck on. Some things you can’t rush, nor do you want to rush. Enjoy your day. Full Story

View All 9 Photos
Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Dear Gossips,

As we all know now, Mimi is dating Australian billionaire James Packer who, obviously, has enough money and resources to woo her. But it’s not just about what you can buy for Mimi. With Mimi it has to be about the show too.

This is why she and Nick Cannon had to renew their vows every year when they were (happily) married. Mimi expects to be exalted. And the other night, Packer demonstrated this on his boat. According to TMZ, Packer hosted a party the other night off the coast of Sardinia. Oh, you know, just off the coast of Sardinia, no big. Apparently the only music they played the entire night was Mimi’s. Just Mimi songs to feed her ego, and her heart.

But remember, Mimi (allegedly) made Nick wait until they were wife and husband before she’d have sex with him. So. You know. It might be a lot of handholding and petting unless Packer puts up that ring. Some of you don’t believe it. Some of you don’t think it can happen, holding off until the wedding.

Remember, this is Mimi. And as Dean pointed out a long time ago:

“Mariah sexy” is not human sexy, so it’s still really hard to picture her actually fornicating. Whether it’s the Shake it Off video where she’s naked in a rose petal filled bathtub or alluding to a Naval gangbang, like in the Honey video, Mariah’s sexuality is just never that believable. It always seems too Sex and Romance 101, like she’s copying the ideas out of a Danielle Steele novel.

Think about it. Sex requires movement. Can you picture Mimi moving?

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2015 21:50:31 June 23, 2015 21:50:31

There are, like, 15 things that are gross about this story, starting with “her dad used to f-ck Ebola Hilton” (Dlisted

Mimi on the water, Mimi in the sand (Just Jared

Love this outfit on Amal Clooney (Cele|bitchy

Kanye West’s wife will be giving a lecture on objectification? (Celeb Dirty Laundry

Is that a swimsuit underneath Selena Gomez’s shorts? (Hollywood Tuna

Amber Heard in a dress that I think was meant for Scarlett Johansson (Popoholic

Obsessed with everything Cara Delevingne is wearing here (Go Fug Yourself

Meryl Streep for equal rights (Jezebel

Honest wine labels (College Candy

Mila Kunis in London

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2015 21:13:47 June 23, 2015 21:13:47
Photos:
Wenn, David M. Benett/ Karwai Tang/ Getty Images

But she’s not promoting Ted 2. I say this because someone just came into my office, saw the photos of her up on the screen, and remarked casually that, “Oh, is she promoting Ted 2?” Because Ted 2, as you’ve likely seen, is currently being promoted and it’s opening this coming Friday. Full Story

View All 11 Photos

Leo’s perfect build-a-girl

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2015 20:12:06 June 23, 2015 20:12:06
Photos:
Andrew H. Walker/ Getty Images

Leonardo DiCaprio’s current bonafide is a model. Oh, you need me to be more specific? She’s a blonde model. More specific than that? She’s a blonde model who models for Sports Illustrated. It’s a blur for you still, isn’t it? Kelly Rohrbach is different though, OK? Unlike Gisele, Bar, Erin, Toni, and whoever else I forgot to name, Kelly almost played pro golf and can hang with the boys. Full Story

Alicia Vikander throws over Fassy for Bourne

Sarah Posted by Sarah at June 23, 2015 19:45:53 June 23, 2015 19:45:53
Photos:
Michael Stewart/ Mark Sagliocco/ Rob Kim/ Getty Images

The thinking man’s Blake Lively has just been announced as a lead in the new Bourne movie, which should be titled The Bourne Continuum if there is any sense to the naming mechanism of this franchise. There are no details as to her role but she’s either playing an assassin or a helpless bystander, as those are the only two roles for women in these movies unless your name is Joan Allen. Full Story

View All 8 Photos

Taraji covers W

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2015 19:23:36 June 23, 2015 19:23:36

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. It started a few weeks ago when I ended up reading an article about Steve Urkel. I can’t remember how I found that post but it gave me a lot of nostalgia about the television I watched growing up. There was The Cosby Show and A Different World. Full Story

Meet your new, friendly neighborhood Spider-Child

Sarah Posted by Sarah at June 23, 2015 18:52:53 June 23, 2015 18:52:53
Photos:
Anthony Harvey/ Getty Images

After an exhaustive casting process—their most laborious since they had such a hard time getting someone to voice Rocket Raccoon—Marvel announced they have found their new Spider-Man and he is the English child, Tom Holland. It’s a good choice—Holland was very memorable in The Impossible, and he’s been a favorite in the casting process for a while. Full Story

Channing Tatum’s fine needle

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2015 17:17:24 June 23, 2015 17:17:24
Photos:
FameFlynet, Felipe Ramales/ Splash News

Channing Tatum today promoting Magic Mike XXL. Which is an improvement on Magic Mike. In that, well, my complaint about Magic Mike was like, really?, you’re going to do character development on this? In an interview this weekend with the Plymouth Herald, Channing talked about putting together Magic XXL and the approach to making the film: "We read the message boards and they were like, 'Less story, more dancing', so we take direction well. Full Story

View All 10 Photos

Britney’s single again

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 23, 2015 16:43:04 June 23, 2015 16:43:04
Photos:
FameFlynet

US Weekly is all over the breakups lately. They were the first to report on Charlize Theron and Sean Penn’s split and they were the first yesterday to report that Britney Spears and Charlie Ebersol have ended their relationship. Britney went home to Louisiana recently and was posting pictures of herself with boys:   So nice to be home! Nothing like Louisiana boys Full Story

View All 10 Photos