Parent Pimps Articles

Celebrity parents who pimp out their children for fame.

Smack the Cyrus

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 16, 2009 06:22:53 December 16, 2009 06:22:53

Since I’m going to hell already I’ll say it for you – the little one’s voice is just as annoying as her older sister. Of course it’s a Cyrus. What else could it be? You’ve already enjoyed the sight of Noah Cyrus working a pole Full Story

Garters in the winter

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 14, 2009 13:59:23 December 14, 2009 13:59:23

Oh look, it’s Taylor Momsen walking around New York trying to give you a glimpse of her snatch. You like the garters? She thinks she’s so punk as f-ck, non? Taylor was heading to set on Gossip Girl. I was agonising with my friend LB this weekend about my New York wardrobe. Here in Vancouver we can wear Converse year round. Full Story

More on Porny & Pumpkin

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 10, 2009 10:16:34 December 10, 2009 10:16:34

Just a small detail for the 2 of you who still don’t believe it… Thanks to a reader called RF who had the (mis)fortune of sitting one seat over from Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan last Friday night during the performance of Chicago in New York and observed the two “holding hands the entire show”. Full Story

Children

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 4, 2009 08:45:34 December 4, 2009 08:45:34

Children wake up,hold your mistake up,before they turn the summer into dust. Songs just pop in your head suddenly. This is what popped when I saw these photos today of Sisters JailBait Miley and Noah Cyrus going through Miami airport. Miley is 17, Noah is 9. And they look it. And this is good. And it should be acknowledged. Full Story

Please look like this all the time

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 3, 2009 08:19:58 December 3, 2009 08:19:58

This is what Noah Cyrus, 9 year old sister of JailBait Miley, looks like when they don’t skank her all up like a pageant girl. Totally normal, ordinary, even cute, right? Except of course for the naked fameloving all over her face. Nothing can mask that. Noah was hanging out by JailBait’s tour buses in Miami the other day, a holiday on the road with her family. Full Story

It’s not too late for the younger one

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 25, 2009 07:23:18 November 25, 2009 07:23:18

You’re about to choke. Because this is Ali Lohan with her mother yesterday volunteering at a pre-Thanksgiving luncheon serving over 200 people with disabilities. The Lohans giving back – with cameras in their faces – and Ali Lohan, normally aged 40, actually looking like a teenager. Full Story

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JailBait dropped the line

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2009 07:48:18 November 24, 2009 07:48:18

Few celebrity offences are more offensive than That Line. You know That Line. When they drop That Line it’s like a spotlight on the soul. Using that line implies conceit, unearned entitlement, arrogance, and disrespect. Users of that line believe they are better than the recipient, that the recipient should be more deferential, that the recipient should consider himself blessed to be in the user’s presence. Full Story

It’s always about Daddy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 19, 2009 11:56:25 November 19, 2009 11:56:25

Yesterday JailBait Miley Cyrus talked out of her ass about Twilight, said she’s never seen it and never will, flexing like she’s above all hormonal hysteria. Oh reeeee-leeeee? Yesterday I posted that it was not so much opinion as it was resentment and today it becomes even clearer. Full Story

The Royal Family of JailBait

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 26, 2009 07:20:00 October 26, 2009 07:20:00

And all those ambitious parents on Toddlers & Tiaras, all of them are taking notes, admiring the latest move by the Cyruses who have written the definitive book on raising JailBait, following up their Miley masterpiece with what could very well be the Mona Lisa of all JailBait... Take a look at 9 year old Noah Cyrus at Jamie Lee Curtis's Halloween party on Saturday dressed as. Full Story

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Speaking of burnouts…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 19, 2009 07:01:14 October 19, 2009 07:01:14

The Chicken Fried Comeback & Milk It is enjoying some down time before her Circus swings Down Under, spotted on Sunday in Mexico with her kids and her man and her dad, fit and tight in a black bikini. Jason Trawick suddenly got a lot more attractive with his shirt off, non? Hate to say it but the agent, the agent looks like Sam Trammell. Full Story

She sucks but it’s not her fault

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 15, 2009 09:57:28 October 15, 2009 09:57:28

Of course not. It’s never her fault. Two weeks after everyone else, People.com is finally acknowledging that Lindsay Lohan’s Ungaro debut was the total sh-ts. When asked about her sucky runway styles, Lilo blamed it on “coming in so late and having not that much time to do a whole collection. Full Story

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